FAILED AGAIN!

[SPUNKY]

I managed 12 fabulous days! Now I'm back to miserable. I'm scared and lonely and I can't talk to anyone because I am so ashamed. So I'm back to day 1 and desperate. I am so afraid that this is going to kill me and I hate myself for letting it.

:flush:.

[Habsfan]

FAILED AGAIN!

Hi Spunky!

Spunky, you're among friends here, no need to feel ashamed as almost everyone here has done exactly the same thing as you. I did. And you're right, it doesn't feel very good right now.
BUT, you made 12 days AF - good for you. And I bet you'll do that and longer.
I recommend you check out Newbies Nest, Spunky. There are some wonderful, helpful, supportive, non-judgmental folks there who will welcome you, support you and share their journey in battling AL.
Coming to MWO is one of the best decisions you could make. And check out the Tool Box and other resources to help you along.
Don't be afraid to lean on your friends here either and don't forget, you're never alone.
A big :welcome: Spunky.
Habsfan

[Jolie]

FAILED AGAIN!

Spunky,

Just pick yourself up and start all over again - believe me we will all be here to help. One day at a time - that's all you need to focus on for now - just getting thru one day AF and then the next and the next. We've all been there my friend.

[daisy45]

FAILED AGAIN!

Hi Spunky! Yep, think you need to come on over to Newbies Nest. You will get great care and support there....
12 days is great! This is a learning process; and with each stumble you learn where you trip up. The 'desire for change' is there, thats whats important right now. Stay with us and you will learn more and more about yourself, and how to overcome this 'pain in the arse'!
Don't be too hard on yourself; you're here:goodjob:
See you soon and 'chin up'!

[Lavande]

FAILED AGAIN!

Spunky,

You can talk to all of us, we understand

Do you know why you chose to drink after 12 AF days?
Identifying our drinking triggers is a must! Give that some thought then look in the https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html for ideas on how to get around that the next time. Life happens - we need to be prepared

Please do drop in the Newbies Nest for more support. I'm not a Newbie but they can't get me to leave :H

You can do this - wishing you the best!

Lav

[SPUNKY]

FAILED AGAIN!

I'm not really sure what happened. I was having a great evening with my kids, no stress, having fun and the pint of vodka in the freezer was calling me. I don't even drink vodka, a neighbor left it here a few weeks ago. A couple hours later, the vodka was gone. 4 days later, I'm miserable, got the pins and needles, my chest feels like an elephant is sitting on it, and I can't sit still. I'm so scared I'm not going to beat this.

I've been reading posts most of the afternoon. Also surfing other sites. I have read and reread all the info I can find about withdrawals because right now that's my biggest fear. My hubby took the booze with him this morning but now he's home and I'm sure it's in his truck. I so want to get it because I know it will get rid of the anxiety, etc. I just want to sleep and I know I won't be able to.

[PlaceSeeker]

FAILED AGAIN!

Spunky, I had to try quitting lots of times. I think this one is different for me. I don't know about withdrawals but just wanted to say hi and that you are not alone.:l Someone will probably come along soon who can answer some of your withdrawal questions. Or, you could try posting on the meds thread (front page).

PS

[Bruunhilde]

FAILED AGAIN!

Spunky, I'm the same way. If I had alcohol in the house, I'd probably go get it. Especially if I could sneak around to do it, what fun! (not really!) Do you have any calming remedies around? That's how I avoid that feeling you're describing, which seems to escalate until you can get something in you. Sometimes food helps alot, try having some milk or protein. If you have supplements, take gaba, tryptophan, calms forte or an RX for anxiety.

Don't make yourself feel worse with shame, it doesn't help anyone and it hurts you. Start being nice to Spunky.

[dancingon]

FAILED AGAIN!

Sometimes the fear of withdrawl symptoms seems to be worse than they actually turn out to be. There are some people who have had bad experiences, but most people seem to experience mild flu like symptoms and either can't sleep or sleep like the dead. Often bad (drink related) dreams surface for a while. Anxiety feeds the cravings or the mental battle, so try to relax and keep occupied. Exercise helps too.
If you are really worried, you could see your GP and see if you can be put on meds for a while.

[SPUNKY]

FAILED AGAIN!

Hey everyone, thanks for all the kind thoughts and support. I think one of my biggest mistakes last time is I stopped lurking around here after about a week. Then, when the alcohol voice started taunting me I had forgotten my greatest tool - all of you and the inspiration you provide. This time I'll be around daily for a long time.

I made it through day 1 and am halfway through day two. Mostly one minute, sometimes one second at a time. In addition to falling off the wagon, I face planted into our deck. Yes, I literally hit the deck pretty darn hard! So, in addition to feely awful from withdrawal, my entire right side is one big bruise. It's not too comfortable! Between the anxiety and the pain I got 0 hours sleep last night. I sat with my laptop in the recliner and split my time between lurking here and playing suduko, then got up at 5am and went to work. I'm exhausted!

It's pretty quiet right now, no one is home and won't be for hours. My old self would take this time to toss back a few drinks, and even though the thought kind of makes me ill, if there was alcohol around I'd probably be halfway to passed out by now. How pathetic is that? Instead I've got my soda water and lemon and I'm hanging in there!

I've got to work this out. There is too much on the line!

Thanks again for all the support and inspiration - - you rock!

[PlaceSeeker]

FAILED AGAIN!

Spunky, glad you checked in - wishing you the best. It gets better (I believe) like everyone says.

[Eye on the Prize]

FAILED AGAIN!

SPUNKY;1142199 wrote: I managed 12 fabulous days! Now I'm back to miserable. I'm scared and lonely and I can't talk to anyone because I am so ashamed. So I'm back to day 1 and desperate. I am so afraid that this is going to kill me and I hate myself for letting it.

:flush:.

Hi - well, first: a BIG congrats on 12 days!! I haven't even been on this site for 6 or more months because I can't seem to manage ONE day without a drink.

So, to me, you are a HERO. You see how it all depends on Perspective!

We HAVE to stop hating ourselves. We are battling a very ferocious enemy.

[SPUNKY]

FAILED AGAIN!

Hi everyone and thanks for the pep talk EYE. I'm winding down day 3 and aside from the injuries sustained in my wipe out I'm starting to feel much better. I'm working to tools and strategies, trying to identify triggers ...

Tool 1 - check in here at times when I would normally start drinking with a big glass of water (I get really dehydrated at work and would come home and instantly mix a tall drink, then guzzle it and a couple more)

Tool 2 - Remember how good it feels to add one more day to the total!

Tool 3 - Put off thinking about a drink until after...anything else

I'm a work in progress...I'll check back later...hugs to all

[autumn]

FAILED AGAIN!

Hi Spunky,

Well done for getting back up dusting yourself down, even if we fall 1001 times, ever day AF is 1001 times better than a day drunk.

My hurdle too was the 'end of my working day' drink, that large glass of wine. (Well it used to be until it spiralled into vodka before I could open my eyes). I now have my AF glass, a lovely glass AL has never ever touched, and it gets filled at that witching hour with what ever soft drink I fancy. So I still have the ritual of pouring a 'drink' into a nice glass.

The bruises will fade, but try to hang onto to how bad you felt. I wish I bottle how bad I felt and pour my self a glass of it when I am wavering.

You hang in there, we are all here to dust each other down and support you with :l's.

[PlaceSeeker]

FAILED AGAIN!

Spunky and other newbies here........why don't you guys come to the Newbie's Nest so we don't lose each other on these threads - so many to follow. Lots of good support there!

PS