Tomorrow will be my one week milestone being AF. Although I have done it many times without giving it a second thought, I always had the option to buy my favorite beer whenever I desired and it would end up in a complete binge. Vicious cycle.
Today is different since I took that option out of my life. This past week has been odd. Unusualy tired all day, no appetite but craving caffeine and sugar, panic attacks and mind batteling thoughts. I didn't realize it until now, but mid week I'd 'treat' myself to evening vodka almost every week along with my weekend beer binges. Seems when things become routine, I just didn't think about it.
Faithfully taking Antabuse and allowing my body to heal. Looking forward to more weeks and months to come AF and energy back. That's the number one thing I miss having, energy. I enjoy reading through posts on here for inspiration, especialy when I'd be having anxiety. Keep reminding myself it's normal to be feeling disconnected from myself at this point. If I continued in my aweful weekly routine I'd be so much worse off months and years down the road. If these panic attacks seem extreme to me now, I don't even want to set myself up for ones that are more intense.
I was watching tv and a cancer commercial came up for the Cancer Treatment Centers of America and one of the quotes they had was along the lines of "You have cancer, cancer does not have you." My mind had this thought right after I heared that. Have a good feeling it wasn't my thought but greater
"You have alcoholism, but alcoholism does not have you." Was a really powerful moment's thought and I cried happily accepting that I am stronger then the weight upon me. Alcoholism doesn't have to define me, I make that decision.
So to all the people out there in their own struggle, there's many of us batteling right along with you. It's hard, very hard and it should be. If it wasn't hard we wouldn't be where we are right now and there would be no reason to change. My friend told me that wanting to quit isn't enough. Wanting and hoping hasn't made a difference in my life. It's a burning desire that I had to discover and feed off it. I found that very helpfull.
Today is different since I took that option out of my life. This past week has been odd. Unusualy tired all day, no appetite but craving caffeine and sugar, panic attacks and mind batteling thoughts. I didn't realize it until now, but mid week I'd 'treat' myself to evening vodka almost every week along with my weekend beer binges. Seems when things become routine, I just didn't think about it.
Faithfully taking Antabuse and allowing my body to heal. Looking forward to more weeks and months to come AF and energy back. That's the number one thing I miss having, energy. I enjoy reading through posts on here for inspiration, especialy when I'd be having anxiety. Keep reminding myself it's normal to be feeling disconnected from myself at this point. If I continued in my aweful weekly routine I'd be so much worse off months and years down the road. If these panic attacks seem extreme to me now, I don't even want to set myself up for ones that are more intense.
I was watching tv and a cancer commercial came up for the Cancer Treatment Centers of America and one of the quotes they had was along the lines of "You have cancer, cancer does not have you." My mind had this thought right after I heared that. Have a good feeling it wasn't my thought but greater
"You have alcoholism, but alcoholism does not have you." Was a really powerful moment's thought and I cried happily accepting that I am stronger then the weight upon me. Alcoholism doesn't have to define me, I make that decision. So to all the people out there in their own struggle, there's many of us batteling right along with you. It's hard, very hard and it should be. If it wasn't hard we wouldn't be where we are right now and there would be no reason to change. My friend told me that wanting to quit isn't enough. Wanting and hoping hasn't made a difference in my life. It's a burning desire that I had to discover and feed off it. I found that very helpfull.
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