Conquoring day 1!!! Who's beating this with me?

[Enough!]

Conquoring day 1!!! Who's beating this with me?

Mb... What can I say... She sounds like a nasty woman. Hopefully your husband supported you and said no one was going if you were not invited. Just move on and remember you are the better person.

Shue... We have some work to do sweety! I applaude your honesty... It is the only way to get help when needed. We can do this together. Maybe ask your hubby to help? I got help without really wanting it yesterday. I drank the last inch that was left on my cab bottle and that just wet my whistle. It was a long day, I was cooking some filet ( trigger ) and wanted another bottle.

So I asked hubby to please get me gas for my car... ohhhh... And a bottle. He said no! Absolutely not... If you have to have it get it yourself. I was a little pissed and I actually pouted. But drink my club soda and stayed totally sober. Thanks honey I have to admit we need someone to be strong for us and help see what we need.

Enough!

[mby82266]

Conquoring day 1!!! Who's beating this with me?

Turn, tks for the support.
Shu, don't kick yourself to much. I know exactly how you feel, its amazing how quickly one can slip back. Just jump right back on and keep moving forward!
I was up at 330am feeling guilty for wishing the women dead, I am not usually so mean spirited. Normally when that women rears her ugly head into my marriage I just get drunk, This is the 1st time in many years I was dealing with her shit sober. I made it, as much as I wanted to, I didn't drink. As time passes I find more and more things that I was not dealing with just hiding from with AL.

[K9Lover]

Conquoring day 1!!! Who's beating this with me?

Shue,
First of all, good to meet you!
Don't beat yourself up too hard, but also, don't take it too lightly. AL thoughts lurk constantly, and if we're not careful, thoughts turn to actions. Good job in pouring out the rest of that second bottle, that took some strength so be proud of that!
Even us "senior" folks on here find ourselves falling into the "one won't hurt" mentality. Don't be fooled though, because I don't know about you, but I've NEVER had ONE drink in my life...12 was more my speed!
Anyway, glad you're picking yourself up and starting over. You can do it...and we're here to help!
K9

[Guitarista]

Conquoring day 1!!! Who's beating this with me?

Hiya everyone!

Just dropping in to throw out some positive vibes and encouragement.

Stick with your AF journey's, cause you know this is your truth, for now at least. Who knows about forever?...(too huge to contemplate for many folk's so don't worry about that) Today is all we have is the cliche, but it is true. So i say live it. Now. This moment. Today.

Some terrific courage on display here. You people are my heroes. Do what you have to do, and take no prisoner's! We must be ruthless with our sobriety, especially our earlier AF time. Clock up the day's and before you know it freedom and vast treasure will beckon.

And..........don't forget yer https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

G-bloke.

[Turnagain]

Conquoring day 1!!! Who's beating this with me?

What a tremendous victory, MBY! It is a great feeling to get through a difficult and stressful situation without drinking. Of course you feel bad about wishing MIL dead because YOU are a very good person AND you don't want to see your children hurt.

If it gives you any comfort, I have already visualized MIL's future in the 'afterlife.' She is going to be roommates with my late and miserable MIL. Let's just say they will be uncomfortably hot and will have to endure a lot of weeping of mean, beady eyes and gnashing of false teeth. And there will be no denture-grip in da house. Their only drink will be the barrels of salty tears they caused so many to shed. And they won't get straws!

[Turnagain]

Conquoring day 1!!! Who's beating this with me?

Shue....dear Shue and sweet Enough! I am so glad that you are not letting go of coming here even when AL sneaks up on you. It's pretty clear you are NOT giving up...no way. That takes gumption.

Like you, I truly enjoyed and savored fine wine and I was horrified to think that I could NEVER drink again. I really thought that once I broke the daily extreme drinking 'habit' that I COULD have one or two glasses of wine or a good beer...every now and then. Well…I tried and failed and tried and failed and tried and fail...for more than 5 years. And...nearly every time I failed...it seemed it took me longer and longer to try to 'quit' again. And I was drinking more and more. No one really knew how bad it was. I lied to myself until this year. I was still a high-functioning individual - superficially. But there were signs of deterioration: I had gotten fat...depressed and was becoming more withdrawn from life with each 12-pack and liter.

This last go round...I couldn't even bring myself to even try for another Day One....it just happened by accident. I was too sick to drink after a Friday marathon that saw me pound down 12 beers and half a liter of wine. That next day, I came here.

A few weeks into it I was faced with a mini-vacation/destination wedding booze o'palooza. I KNEW that if I had just one...I was done. Not just for the duration of the vacation...but for months after that. That was the way it always was. I also KNEW that Day Ones were getting harder and harder to come by. I was just so TIRED of the cycle: sober for a month or two...mod for a week or two..and then back to drinking every damn day.

While I also knew that drinking too much was not a moral failure…I sure felt bad about myself – What’s wrong with me? WHY can’t I stop? WHY can’t I have just one? It only added disappointment to the depression. And I had a heapin’ helpin’ of that crap already.

I had also heard those on this site who encouraged me and others to let go of that false hope of moderating. Addiction doesn't work that way. That’s a fact. AND…I am addicted. Don’t know why….but it doesn’t matter. It just is.

When I finally faced that FACT…life got a whole lot better. I started off by simply saying out loud: “I will not drink….no matter what.” It was scary and deep inside, I felt like I didn’t mean it 100%.

I went on that vacay and I did not drink. I had so much fun. And I remember everything! That gave me the confidence to take a bolder step. I started saying to myself – “I don’t drink.” I say this to myself anytime the voice starts to whisper “…you’ve done so well…you’ve got it under control. You can handle one or two.”

No. I can't.

I don’t drink.

I have my life back. I have my self-respect back. I have the respect of my family back. They are in awe. I am getting my health back. I am excited to get up in the morning again – the depression is gone. I have new energy. I am saving TONS of money.

Would I trade this for a million dollars? Hell no. So why would I trade it for “one” drink. There’s not a Malbec in this world that would be worth losing what I’ve fought so hard to get back.

So my friends….do you really want to keep getting stuck back in the mud or do you want to soar? I gotta tell you….the view from up here is breathtaking and beautifully clear.

My wish for you is that it won't take 5 years to finally figure this out...

[shueaddict]

Conquoring day 1!!! Who's beating this with me?

I surrender

Hi all,

I am in the office ( yes, on Sat – to finish some more work) and I must admit to being blown away by all your comments and positive thoughts. Thank you so much.
:thanks:

I also realize that the time has come to kick this into gear and ask for help. I need to come clean with my hubby and tell him what he probably already knows that I just love wine too much. Enough!, you were super brave to show hubby all your posts here. I am sticking with you on this journey, honey !!! So far I have been afraid of enlisting his help to police my drinking because I thought this would lead me into drinking in hiding again. But it won’t hurt if he stops offering me drinks.

I have been torn between my previous hypnosis Cd’s message that “the choice is yours” and AA’s “once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic” and I think I am finally inclined to concede to AA.

I surrender !!!! I am powerless with AL hence I should not touch it. Moderation would probably be just another form of self torture.

K9 – in all honesty, despite having just one drink on many occasions I have always felt I wanted more, so, point well taken.

Guitarista – the prospect of having an AL free life is not as scary or unappealing as before. I am a bit of a control freak and the way I drank so desperately and illogically last time scared me. I really felt that I was out of control.

Mby – thanks for the kind words, don’t waste any more torment on MIL. You are wonderful for recognizing all the issues you “hid under the AL mat”.

Turn – I loved your post so much, so insightful. I tried moderation 3 times in the past 2 years – hasn’t worked long term, I am letting go of “what would people think???” and just focus on ME. I need to stay AF, for my own sake first, then for my family.

Wish you all a wonderful weekend, you filled my heart.:h:h:h

[Snapdragon]

Conquoring day 1!!! Who's beating this with me?

Shue - don't beat yourself up too much - I look at the amount of AF days you've achieved in July and August and wish so much that I could claim the same.

Turn - what an inspiring post and well done that you have finally beaten this thing.

I need to kick myself into gear and do something positive. I keep meaning well and it all goes to pot again. Last night hubby and I went out with some friends. Originally I had planned to drive, but when they were getting drinks in he said he didn't mind driving. Consequently ended up having far too much again!! What I hate is not being able to remember anything in the morning - I am so sick of myself and my lack of willpower. Must read Alan Carr again!

[Guitarista]

Conquoring day 1!!! Who's beating this with me?

shueaddict;1175842 wrote: Hi all,


I also realize that the time has come to kick this into gear and ask for help. I need to come clean with my hubby and tell him what he probably already knows that I just love wine too much. Enough!, you were super brave to show hubby all your posts here. I am sticking with you on this journey, honey !!! S

Guitarista ? the prospect of having an AL free life is not as scary or unappealing as before. I am a bit of a control freak and the way I drank so desperately and illogically last time scared me. I really felt that I was out of control.

Hiya Shu,

An AL free life can be scary, but i look at it as exciting. Best wishes on your journey. Go for it, and trust yourself. :goodjob:

[mby82266]

Conquoring day 1!!! Who's beating this with me?

Enough, it seems as though we are posting at the same time. Yes his initial reaction is I will not go. I told him No! I encouraged him to go without me. If he finds it intolerable to be with his family while they trash me than that is his decision but they are still his family and I don't want to be the cause of the rift between them. sometimes in life people don't like me. I am outspoken and don't take shit. I have come to accept this. I have now added my mil to this list. I actually said a prayer of thanks to god that this problem came up. I dealt with it without AL and made it through.
I love my DH 99% of the time he is great and I can deal with the 1% of the time he is an ass. He is easily corrected.
Today is my day to clean and put my house in order for the next week.
Shu, you are doing great!! you will win this battle bc you are strong.

[Enough!]

Conquoring day 1!!! Who's beating this with me?

Turn... Thank you for sharing such thoughtful and motivating words. I am so happy for your success. Please stick around and keep checking in with us.

Shue... We keep discovering what we need here. We also learn when we need some extra help and when to shout out when we hit a wall. It's a journey... You will succeed.

Snap... Hey girl! You do have the willpower. This is hard work.. Really really hard! You fall down you get up! Sounds sappy, but that is what we are doing.

Look how great Turn sounds... She said it took her 5 years of trying.

I am not yet really to go AF, but NOT willing to go back to the way I was EVER AGAIN.
I did drink 2 glasses of wine last night. I stopped- it took some resolve and I made tea. I managed okay.

One day at a time!
Enought!

[Turnagain]

Conquoring day 1!!! Who's beating this with me?

Afternoon all...I'm hoping everyone is settling into the nest on this beautiful AF Saturday.

Shue...Extra hugs to you today. It sounds as if you're coming around to ACCEPTANCE...which is truly the key to freedom. I have only one quibble with the word surrender in that it seems to imply powerlessness. Yeah Addiction is big...and we can acknowledge that, while at the same time, take action within our power. From what I've read from you Shue, you are one mighty powerful person. Alcohol is getting in your way. You've realized it and now your acting on it. Go girl! I promise you...it's bliss to no longer be dragged down, dominated and defined by a deadly addiction.

[mby82266]

Conquoring day 1!!! Who's beating this with me?

Good morning, I am seriously considering the idea of just telling people I am an Alcoholic. Its a really scary thought. I have kept my secret for years. My family and a few close friends know I am doing this but I find it very hard to deal in a public situation. My parents would totally flip they both drilled into us for years that drinking is not something we do bc we have that gene that points to AL abuse. My parents never drank and I see the way they look at my siblings who are AL abusers To admit I got myself here is like confession of failure. I have used all the excuses over the last 6 weeks. I am driving, I am on meds. I have school in the morning. I know that once this is said I will be watched by everyone and I am not sure I am ready for that. So I pose to you a question, Should I continue to play the excuses or just give in and let my secret out!

[Enough!]

Conquoring day 1!!! Who's beating this with me?

Mb... It really is up to you. My husband knows... Along with my best friend that I am a alcoholic. My coworkers are aware that I am not drinking; I have said to them I simply have been drinking too much and it's not healthy. The rest of my family don't live close so there is no reason to involve them. We spend too much time worryng about what other people think. I am at the point I only care what the most important people in my life think. The rest... Whatever!

I hope the helps... Mb?

The most important thing is YOU and taking care of yourself.

E

[Enough!]

Conquoring day 1!!! Who's beating this with me?

It is a warm Sunday in the sunny south today with all the news on 10 year 9-11! So very sad. Looking forward to some kayaking ( we have a river out back ) and maybe a swim!

I arrived home yesterday and my neighbor/ ex drinking buddy was at my house waiting for me. I did not mind her being there as hubby and I were fighting- she made a nice buffer

I made dinner for all, did drink some wine-she drank a lot! I literally held her up walking her home down our block... Yikes... I would have been stumblng right along with her 2 months ago.

Feel good today... No hangover and no more fighting w/ DH!

To solve my " can't stop thinking about AL" ... I am simply NOT... Shout it out... NOT going to drink anything until next weekend. If I start the stupid.." Is it time for one" conversation... If it's not Friday night... Conversation closed. Then on Friday I can decide if a glass is ok.

Have a great day all! I have a plan... Not a perfect plan, but it's my plan.

I don't drink during the week...
Enough!