Conquoring day 1!!! Who's beating this with me?

[available]

Conquoring day 1!!! Who's beating this with me?

Hi one and all, sneaking in a reply at work so no individual names sorry.

I am a chronic alco, no other word for it. been polishing off 2 bottles for the past god knows how many years. had maybe 1 af day in the last few years. have grown up children who just dont get it and look at me in wonder or shame not sure which. i dont go out as i dont want to make a fool of myself i can do that at home quite easily. if i do go out i have wine at home so i can get totally totalled and black out. the blackouts are getting worse and im over it. Its funny but i dont drink at the start of the day, i wait patiently on weekends to about 2 or 3pm and then yeah lets drink, weekdays its after 5pm and i savour that first glass for about an hour then off we go lets drink all i can fit in before bed time which of course i dont know what time that is as i am too pissed.

i am on day three and i miss wine, i crave wine, i want wine, i want to drink like NORMAL people but i know i cant. i'd love to moderate but in my heart i know i cant but i am not ready to admit that one yet. today i am saying i wont drink and tomorrow i hope to do the same. its just day by day by day. If i fail i will be back here as it is a safe haven but i hope i dont fail, i dont want to this time, i really dont

[available]

Conquoring day 1!!! Who's beating this with me?

Jane im at work and its 845am here. im so tired etc and my hour for wanting, needing craving will be in another7 hours but i'm not going to drink today. my niece is living with me and said she is going out and wont be home and my 1st thought was yeah i will have a wine and then i thought wtf am i thinking. its hard but i so want this so very very much. so im giving it my best shot

you are doing really really well, i did 11 days and want to way pass that this time, that was in november so not too long ago and im trying

[available]

Conquoring day 1!!! Who's beating this with me?

starting over again is shameful to say the least and demoralising and sad that we cant do it. Im with you Jane, we need this and want this so why is it so hard. i just am thankful that i found this site when i was so hungover and so wanted this a few months ago.

have u been on antabuse before? the last time i did 11 days i did not have anything, i am wondering this time if i should go to the drs but she has no idea i have a drinking problem, well no one does really cept fam.

[Juja]

Conquoring day 1!!! Who's beating this with me?

Friends,

Everyday is conquering day one as far as I'm concerned.

Hang in there, and do whatever it takes to stay AF.

I have a big family weekend coming up, and that usually means AL. All the emotions those events generate eventually wear me down, and I give in. I have to get ready.

Take good care all.

[Juja]

Conquoring day 1!!! Who's beating this with me?

Where is everyone?????

Blew it yesterday with el vino, but am okay and not pessimistic.

Hope all are well.

Someone check in, please.

[scottish lass]

Conquoring day 1!!! Who's beating this with me?

Hey Juja - been really crazy busy at work the last two days. I am sorry you fell, but you got right back on here again! That takes guts! I am very close to caving after my days at work, but this helps me stay the track, a reminder that I would need to post day one again! I have done that so many times, don't wnat to add one more time. You can do it Juja, keep on going, it will happen - glad you are ok too!

[K9Lover]

Conquoring day 1!!! Who's beating this with me?

Hi Available-
I would encourage you to get back on the Antabuse. I have racked up seriously long periods of sobriety thanks to the Antabuse. When you were able to do 11 days, how did you spend your normal "drinking" time? For me, the hardest part was always passing the time. I had to change my thinking completely. I couldn't even sit in my drinking spot on the couch for a while. I moved lamps to change the "scenery". Anything to trigger a change in your brain will help. I know it sounds kind of dumb, but the little things really do help. Think of how bad you feel after you drink...is the buzz worth it? My buzz usually came after beer number 3, but I forged ahead and drank 12 anyway, which turned my "fun" into a nightmare. I can tell by your post that you want this so badly. Keep posting, and keep reading. Something will click for you, I know it.
Stay strong!
K9

[Caper]

Conquoring day 1!!! Who's beating this with me?

Wow.... it's been a long time since I've seen any posts from the ones who really put this blog in motion. Hope you are all okay; just busy. Today is a milestone for me - 3 weeks! I read a long time ago, that it takes 3 weeks to make or break a habit. I agree with you, K9, you have to change the pattern... scenery, activities, food, companions, etc. If you don't, you can't help but sit around waiting for your old best friend (wine) to show up and make you feel better!

[shueaddict]

Conquoring day 1!!! Who's beating this with me?

I am back … and back to day 1 … again.

I am sure you heard it all before but here’s my lame excuse: I was doing well in my AF holiday then I went to a really remote place in the middle of South America – no chance to check on MWO as there was no electricity, no mobile coverage, no wifi …just horses) and decided that I really hate the taste of the water there so I had 2 beers each day … just to “quench the thirst” … No red wine with the red Argentine steak … just a little beer... well, as soon as I got home I got hit by massive jet lag then hit the vino all right. Ok, no massive slip but I now know better and I can recognize the signs (i.e. buying a replacement bottle so hubby does not suspect … awwww the shame).

Enough, Juja - I am back in the saddle, it feels like I have been here so many times but I do not want to go the other way.

[Enough!]

Conquoring day 1!!! Who's beating this with me?

Back again

Let me begin with it is exhausting to post... Promise... Commit... Fail. Makes me want to just do my own thing and not let anyone down. With that said I have to do something to stay on a positive track and this is my only lifeline. So back again for the umpteenth time. Managed through the sweats and no sleep last night after cutting down to 2 glasses.
Ideas anyone? Shue... Juja.. Caper... Mya... Avail! All the others here... Thanks for being there.
E!

[mya]

Conquoring day 1!!! Who's beating this with me?

I'm here!
Had a couple of drinks Friday and Saturday
Decided that for the 100th time I need to focus on getting healthy.
Good Luck to everyone!

[available]

Conquoring day 1!!! Who's beating this with me?

Hi guys well we all are kind of struggling. I really think we need to get it into our head that we cant drink. I am up to day 2 yet again and sometimes think why bother but i know why, i dont want to drink simple.
K9 thanks for the post. i have never tried antabuse, i have not even told my doctor i have a problem, god forbid i want someone to think bad of me and she wld want to do a blood test and she would find something and then i wld die. thats my anxiety/panic attacks coming to the fray. I do know that i will go one day and talk to the dr just when i am ready.
Enough i'd try and not have those 2 glasses, i find it makes the cravings worse and u will say stuff it i will only drink the bottle. god my recycle bin is starting to sound bad on garbage day again and im getting embarrassed. I dont want that. So off i go again, with all the support of here. good luck all xx

[Caper]

Conquoring day 1!!! Who's beating this with me?

Hey it's great to see you guys back again but sorry to hear that it's been such a tough time for you. I hesitate to offer any suggestions, Enough, when I am not quite a month yet into my own sobriety (24 days). But I've been trying to be AF for a long, long time and this is the easiest, most successful attempt yet. And I hate to think that any one of you will still be drinking when you're my age (60). I started out by telling myself that the first week I would consider myself in critical condition and in the ICU where you can have any medication you want - just no alcohol. So whatever you can convince yourself sounds good at around the time you'd normally start to drink, go for it - a pound of chocolate, ice cream, potato chips, etc. I gave myself a week in ICU; then another week in "recovery" where I could still misbehave and have a small portion of something - but I had to add an alternative to the alcohol that I could maintain in the future - like tea or coffee or whatever you like; just to have something in my hand to drink that I could refill numerous times until I got past those "dangerous" hours. Then you eat dinner after which there is no point in drinking because you can't get buzzed on a full stomach. I was drinking at least 1.5 L of white wine, every evening, for years and honestly, I was drinking to get gassed, not because I liked the taste. In fact when I think about it now, smelling the first glass was like smelling vinegar and at the first taste, I would actually grimace. I also read on this site (thank you to whoever that was) that: "there are no reasons to drink, only excuses." It's so true when you think about it. I had a million excuses to drink but my only real reason was to get buzzed. Plus I do believe in prayer and I finally asked God not to just help me stop drinking but to take away from me the desire to drink and I totally believe He has. There can be no other reason why it's been this easy so far; no withdrawal symptoms and I'm sleeping like a baby! Good luck all!

[Jolie]

Conquoring day 1!!! Who's beating this with me?

Caper - wonderful post! Thanks for being so honest. I feel like you in that I know without a shadow of a doubt that I cannot just have 2 drinks - I will always want more because the goal was always to get buzzed. Like your rationale on ICI and Recovery - so true. First I think you need to make sure all the AL is out of the house - then you need to really find something to replace the AL with - something you really like. In the beginning it's important to really spoil yourself - you deserve it for giving up something you've done for so long and think of it as a reward for not drinking.

Sorry some of us here are really having a hard time. Explore all of the possibilities - seen some here turn to meditation, new hobbies, and like Caper and I, spirituality. I feel so much more peaceful this time around - find your niche and hang in there - we are all routing for you!

[patrice]

Conquoring day 1!!! Who's beating this with me?

Hiya all

I'm back here too.. stay strong

Take Care
Patrice