This evening I am faced with attending a funeral. Family friend had slipped in the bathroom and hit his head which caused bleeding in his brain that couldn't be stopped. It sure brings a different way of looking at my life. I don't know how many times I fell hard while drunk. He just simply slipped and fell the wrong way, off to brush his teeth and his life is over. Just like that. I'm going to find out if I have an urge to drink after it's over. I do not deal with death very well.
Dreams. I have forgoten that I have always had dreams every single night. Drinking eased them and waking up in a fog helped me forget them. Not the typical dream where you wake up and within minutes they fade from memory and you go on with your day. But very vivid life-like dreams that I can remember for years like it had happend in real life. I may be cursed or blessed with that. Been that way since I was a little girl.
I should be getting my suppliments today or tomorrow. I've never been this serious about quitting. There is a hint of excitement though a ton of confusion. Relearning everything I thought I knew is a challenge all on its own. But I finaly understand some concept of recovering. I can take AL out of my life, but unless I change my behavior, it's always going to haunt me.
So here is for today, another day alive and sober, on the path I desire. I may feel like sh*t here and there,but it nowhere compares to a hangover and all that brings. Very grateful I stumbled upon this forum.
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