11 Days sober and it's down right tough

[Turn Around]

So today would be day 11. Made it through the week and weekend AL free. Discovering a lot of triggers. That's not an easy thing for me to face. My moods are everywhere, my temper is short, and over all I feel unbalanced. Having a very difficult time accepting and forgiving myself. I keep saying I do even though I don't feel it.

This evening I am faced with attending a funeral. Family friend had slipped in the bathroom and hit his head which caused bleeding in his brain that couldn't be stopped. It sure brings a different way of looking at my life. I don't know how many times I fell hard while drunk. He just simply slipped and fell the wrong way, off to brush his teeth and his life is over. Just like that. I'm going to find out if I have an urge to drink after it's over. I do not deal with death very well.

Dreams. I have forgoten that I have always had dreams every single night. Drinking eased them and waking up in a fog helped me forget them. Not the typical dream where you wake up and within minutes they fade from memory and you go on with your day. But very vivid life-like dreams that I can remember for years like it had happend in real life. I may be cursed or blessed with that. Been that way since I was a little girl.

I should be getting my suppliments today or tomorrow. I've never been this serious about quitting. There is a hint of excitement though a ton of confusion. Relearning everything I thought I knew is a challenge all on its own. But I finaly understand some concept of recovering. I can take AL out of my life, but unless I change my behavior, it's always going to haunt me.

So here is for today, another day alive and sober, on the path I desire. I may feel like sh*t here and there,but it nowhere compares to a hangover and all that brings. Very grateful I stumbled upon this forum.

[ditzy]

11 Days sober and it's down right tough

You're doing well, stay strong!

:new: I went 17 days AF and then last night stupidly had a drink - woke up with a hangover from hell and a greater resolve to stay AF as I didn't even enjoy having a drink! Some of the folk on here refer to being back to day 1 when they have a "whoops!" day but I prefer to say I've been sober for 17 out of 18 days - it sends a more positive message to my brain if that make's sense? One thing I have found is that my money stretches a lot further without having to buy alcohol and even after only 18 days my skin colour looks healthier and my eyes have got their sparkle back, so people tell me anyway.

Good Luck, and keep posting messages x

[Kimberley]

11 Days sober and it's down right tough

Hi TA, you're doing really well and it's great that you are making a note of your triggers. Hope the funeral goes as well as can be expected. You are certainly right about needing to change your behaviours - I had to totally overhaul my thinking too. It can be done.

Welcome to you ditzy! Get right back on the wagon
K x

[ditzy]

11 Days sober and it's down right tough

I'm back on the wagon!

Counting the other night as a blip and its made me feel stronger! Still got a migraine (been 2 days now) but its a big motivator not to slip again. Knowing your triggers is helpful but what to do about them is another matter - I work in a shop and serve people with A all day and I find especially when its sunny out and everyone's in buying their A for BBQ's its a bad time for me and I have arguments in my head for and against why I shouldn't have a drink! I'm trying to concentrate on looking at the customers who come in looking the worse for wear (because they drink too much) as a deterrent and that's quite helpful, because I don't want a "drinkers skin" or hands that shake for a drink.

[Turn Around]

11 Days sober and it's down right tough

Oh the 2 day headaches...Makes my head hurt just thinking about it. It's weird because some mornings now when I wake up, mentaly I am thinking I am hungover when I am not because I was so use to it. I'd be starting the coffee pot and feel odd because I was so use to feeling light headed and just crap depending on how the night went. Now I'm just naturaly tired. Hitting 2 weeks soon. Energy is comming back s-l-o-w-l-y.

Going halibut and salmon fishing this weekend. Been a long time since I have been on a boat out in the ocean. Up here in Alaska the summers are short but so beautiful. Drinking kept me from even thinking about planning to go do stuff like this. I had my own agenda for weekends and had to be home for AL.

Watching people stock up on beer for BBQ's can be hard to watch and I know that battle in your head you are talking about ditzy. Take that as an opportunity to train your way of thinking every time like how you speak about those who look worse then wear.

I'm amazed just how many triggers I have! They all seem to stem from my reactions and emotions on things. One night I thought my head was going to explode with thoughts, I got in my car after a couple hours of my head racing and drove with my cd player blaring. By the time I came back home I was laughing at how irrational my thinking was.

[leaveinsilence]

11 Days sober and it's down right tough

Hi ditsy
I do that too as a reminder of how I used to be,

Funny how I used to see people here wandering around with cans of lager in the street at 8.30 am and tut to myself then go home and be half way down my first large vodka by 8.45am. Being sober makes me a lot more honest with myself, and God some days I still take the kids to school come back and see how far down a vodka bottle I can get myself, then I see myself as I was in people passing the house with their cans in their hand and think do I honestly want to be like that, what will I actually gain from it other than having to function drunk with the kids, then drink until I pass out once they are in bed...

Hope the migranine clears soon honey

[Nelz]

11 Days sober and it's down right tough

11 days is awesome! Reading your post I could relate well to a lot of things. The triggers were indeed anywhere and everywhere.


Keep it up, stay strong :goodjob:

[ditzy]

11 Days sober and it's down right tough

Ideas for nights out!?!

Hi Turn Around and leaveinsilence thanks for your support - still got the headache and feel dog tired - think I'll have an early night tonight and get up bright and early tomorrow (something I can't do when I'm drinking). If I ever got the money to start a business I'd start a milk bar like they used to have in the 50's and 60's as there's nowhere for people to go and socialise hardly of a nightime that doesn't include alcohol on the menu - I mean with a bar like atmosphere, music, soft lighting etc. where people can simply hang out and chat drinking tea or coffee or soft drinks - even non-alcoholic cocktails. Still, till then there's always the cinema, bowling, gym .....hmmmm now I'm stuck! Can anyone suggest past-times in the UK that won't involve alcohol?