cant beleive I am at this point

[claudette]

Guess everyone has heard it all before. My father was an alcoholic and I never drank till I was 30, but once I did, I just never stopped. I drink red wine. I want to curb my wine drinking to one glass a day, not one bottle, sometimes 1 and a half. I have very bad cholesterol and my doctor had suggested I drink a glass a wine with my meals and that is how it all started. I am at a point where it is hurting my relationship. So he doesn't find out, I go buy non-alcohol wine but carry vodka in a water bottle and put vodka in the wine and he thinks I am not drinking.

I don't like the taste of it and don't get anything out of it anymore. I run my business from home and so I don't have anyone to prevent me from drinking on the job!

I am tired of it. I feel guilty and can see some of the defensive behaviour I saw in my father. My brother too is an alcoholic and he lost everything because of it and I am afraid to become him.

I had a hard childhood, but who hasn't? It isn't a reason. Lately, I have told myself that I won't do it today, but by dinner time, I get me spiked dealcoholized wine. I don't work out at all. Our hobby is playing guitar and signing so we go to Blues Jams and I have wine. When people come over to jam, we drink. All of his friends are heavy drinkers. I moved 1 hour away to be away from these people, but he likes them and they come over.

In the summer, we go sailing and of course, every boater around us has drinking parties every night.

It gets me depressed to be sober. Anyone have tips for me?

[Waves 2]

cant beleive I am at this point

How to begin

When I first came here asking for advice I was told to read, read and read. I must admit to feeling disappointed. I wanted an immediate answer. However, I followed the advice, and good advice it was. I ordered and read the book, followed its recommendations and came on here regularly for support. I am not cured but have made dramatic improvements.

Good luck.:welcome:

[Mackeral]

cant beleive I am at this point

Hiya Claudette..

First of all welcome to MWO....This is a brilliant site with brilliant people...All know near enough exactly what your going through...

In my experiance it gets worse before it gets better.....And i found telling my wife everything...I mean everything....Gives you the platform to do something about my ( your ) situation..

If he knows what your going through...You dont have to hide...And a lot of pressure will be off your shoulders..

This worked for me...I'm not saying it will work for you.....I dont want to be the cause of massive row or anything...
You will get lots of advice from a range of people while you are here....Just take what gyou need......

And soon you will find yourself helping others....Because you will have been there and done that..

Best of luck Claudette....And i hope you get the help and advice you need.........Macks

[Saint Jude]

cant beleive I am at this point

Ditto on Waves & Macks advice. Pretty much keep reading & posting, I'm sure you'll find plenty of stories that will strike a chord quite close to home in many cases. I know I do, every time I get on these boards, it does help knowing we're not alone.

:welcome: Claudette, and best of luck with this.

:l Judie

[mitch96]

cant beleive I am at this point

hi claudette like yourself i was trying to camoflage my alcohol intake you in a water bottle and me in a coke bottle id pour half the coke into a glass then pour half the vod into a coke bottle thinking nobody knows!who was i trying to kid?????only myself id thought id pulled the wool over everyones eyes but to an alcoholic your oblivious to the situation for 1 the persons involved around you can smell the alcohol and 2 your reactions i dont want to preach to you what i practice but its true its hard facts sometimes our loved ones will turn a blind eye to this for a short time only.the problem..... starts..... the best company you can keep is sober company.alcohol is one the biggest depressants.low mood swings ie depressed is due to craveing alcohol no matter what your doing at the time ie working etc etc alcoholism is a disease its in my genes my dad was and his dad before him.if people are coming over to yours and drinking surely your parner has enough sense to see your suffering because people drinking in front of you is like the old scenario of the red cloth to a bull the temptation not until your strong enough to eitherdrink in moderation or total abstinace a trip to the doctors for being depressed could help you out i know the feeling ive been right through the mill and back speaking to other people that go through the same problems helps even to get out of the house for a coffee or hobbies theres probably alot of people in your hometown in the same boat you can relate to.most alcoholics are proffesional people in great proffesions policeman,lawyers,bank managers etc etc so your not alone god i hope you manage to sort things out beforethings get to deep i lost everything through drink its a taker itl keep on taking things from you until and it will eventually take your life and the worst thing about it.....its legal..... my heart goes out to you.....im sure when you go sailing there must be some sober company here your not allowed to be near a boat youd be charged with drunken in charge carrying a possible fine or jail sentence,i get invited to weddings,parties etc etc but dont go because im afraid of the drink even funerals i like you was 30 when i started bingeing the upbringing hard etc etc i cant remember my childhood be good claudette your not alone hope you find something helpfull from me but take care god bless and hope you find what your looking for

[betty boop]

cant beleive I am at this point

Hi Claudette & :welcome:

Like you, my tipple is red wine.

Before finding this site i was drinking at least 3 bottles every day, on my days off it would start at 9am when i had taken my daughter to school.

Since finding this site i'm now down to 1 bottle ( still too much i know) but i don't drink alone & i sip instead of gulping. & don't open it till at least 7pm.

You have found the right place......... I promise...............

Mitch............ wow............ you have gone from asking advice to giving advice in only 12 hours.......... way to go mate, I'm sooooooo proud of you.

Love & hugs to you both, Paula :l :h :l

[weemelonhead]

cant beleive I am at this point

Hi Claudette...another supper of the vino tinto...(did I say sup? I meant quaff, two or 3 bottles a day when I was on form).
This can be tough...I have just posted about the stress I'm finding staying AF, but here is where I have STAYED AF for the longest time in about 18 years...The advice ranges from physiological (supps and meds) to mental (reading and visualisations) to physical (gym stuff and excercise) to social...(many a tip on dealing with 'normal' drinking situations which always present a mountain for problem drinkers...parties, etc) And the Biggie...The people here...you truly could not wish to find a better community. Paul B, one of the regulars recently posted a thread describing his normal feelings to company and socialising, basically he said he didn't enjoy it, but here, for some reason, he feels totally comfortable with this new bunch of buds...I agree 100%...I hate mingling...(although that may have been due to the fact that it was always too hard to control myself, and so chose to be alone as often as I humanely could be), but I can't wait for any spare moment (of which there are never enough) to get on this site. I don't always post, but I definitely read....I agree with Waves...read, read read...read the book, check out the literary bit for other inspirational stuff, plug in here whenever you can.
I also get the crappy childhood bit....I had a p**s poor upbringing, and later used this as a fantastic feel sorry for me please excuse to drink myself into oblivion...but after all's said and done...you've had a crap time as a kid...why carry on mucking it up for yourself as an adult.!!
Paula's right...you've come to the right place...I promise too
Hugs Weemelonhead

[mitch96]

cant beleive I am at this point

claudette i have plenty advice this is from being and socialising with alcoholics in the last 7-8years i thought i was alone its just pitty i never took this advice att the time i thought im 1 better the only sunshine through the clouds is help from sites like theese they are nice peeple,you could go to proffesional people like doctors cpns addiction councilors etc etc but they are as much use as a chocolate teapot they dont know what your going through they just assume text boks dont tell you everything normal people wouldnt know what its like to walk the rocky road or slide down the slippery slope keep yer chin up an keep on goin all the best davy
p.s thanx paula for the last wee bit of your post it makes one feel very proud to help someone out in turmoil through this affliction and who knows somebody might give me a paddle to get out of sh*t creek lol

[Popeye]

cant beleive I am at this point

Hello Claudette,
Welcome.

[claudette]

cant beleive I am at this point

Thank you all so much! I am overwhelmed and touched by your replies. It gives me hope today and I am going to try to not have one drink today! I feel I may be able to do it, thanks to all of you!

I am a little more optimistic. Will let you know how it goes.

[betty boop]

cant beleive I am at this point

Go for it Claudette...............

You can do it...............

Paula :h :l :h

[Accountable for Me]

cant beleive I am at this point

Welcome!

Hello Claudette! Welcome to the boards! I try to welcome everyone new, but this weekend, I had the pleasure of having my Nana stay with me, and was pleasantly distracted away from my evil thoughts about drinking.

I hope you will find the support here to your benefit! I certainly have! Welcome! Welcome! Welcome!:welcome:

[claudette]

cant beleive I am at this point

Well, I messed up/ Went out for dinner . Had 2 glasses of wine and a grand marinier for dessert/ This was going to be my first day without any!!! Can't sleep and feeling guilty. I will try again tomorrow...

[mitch96]

cant beleive I am at this point

shit happens

claudette dont beat yourself up over it shit happens you wont be the first and you certainly wont be the last ive failed miserably in the past but keep on picking myself up and dusting myself down remember though youve made the biggest step you can by looking for the support you need youl definetely find it here and nobody judges you im new to the forum but ive been a problem drinker for quite a while its good to see that your off the vod though thats where you get real probz take that from me ive been there anyhow good luck and i hope things work out for you all the best :crossed: sheer determination will prevail