Having a hard time getting started!

[crazyforwine]

Hi Everyone,

I"ve been a lurker and a participant here for a long time. I am trying to get myself in gear to stop drinking, yet again, after several months of really bad binges. It's clear to me I have crossed some sort of line; it's like all I want is the respite of sleep or that murky feeling you get when you've had a lot to drink.

However, working full time and having two kids doesn't make for a good scenario!

I am just so anxious-have been cutting back for a couple of days, so I know some of this is W/D. But how will I fill my time? How will I qwell my anxiety and fears? How will I get to sleep at night? Who will I be?

One of the reasons I need to do this, other than the obvious lack of energy, focus and self care, it that my son is going to be a junior in high school. I'd like his last two years at home to be with a healthy involved mom, not one who does the bare minimum and is constantly having "the flu" or "didn't sleep well" or whatever excuses come to mind. I want him to respect me. I've done many things that don't deserve his respect. He is not one who suffers fools very well and the "just say no" message he gets at school is intense. (thank you, school!) So when he sees me with a drink, I'm sure he is just horrified.

Anyway, I am armed with some Valium to help with any bad symptoms, and I bought some Campral from River Pharmacy. I am under less stress than usual with work and there are no school things to attend. It would seem an ideal time to stop.

Alcohol just seems like such a big part of my identity. I don't really have anyone to talk to about this-tried an "addiction therapist" but she did not seem too on the ball, though she was very very nice.

I don't know what any of you can say, I just want to put these thoughts out there! You are a great bunch, I"ve seen it for years!

CW

[Tipplerette]

Having a hard time getting started!

It's great that you've come here, CrazyforWine. You are right; the people here are a great bunch and we're all in this together. I, too, have a weakness for wine and I commend you for starting while your son is still young enough to break the cycle. My son watched me drink and at age, 28, wonderful young man that he is, his drinking habits are out of control and I know his father and I were the role models that he is emulating. So good for you.

Over in the fitness section there are a bunch of people of middle age, mostly women, all wine drinkers and we are on an abstinence ride for the month of August and not drinking. We are challenging ourselves to get out there and get active, eat properly and to post daily.

Why don't you join us there.

Tips

[crazyforwine]

Having a hard time getting started!

Thanks, Tips. I will be more active on the boards. I am getting back into "running" which is really sort of slogging along...and really need to work on more healthy eating. The running, when I actually do it, really makes a nice difference.

I just feel hopeless and depressed, sad and lonely, which makes it so much harder! This is not a pity party, I know everyone starts out this way!! There is part of me that feels "I just can't stand this" (drinking AND not drinking) but so many of you have been successful. I think I need to dig deeper. A lot deeper. At the moment anxiety is keeping me living just at the surface of life and I am not sure HOW to go deeper.

Anyway, thank you for your response and support! It means a great deal. And I hear you about your son.

CW

[keepwalking]

Having a hard time getting started!

Yes CFW come and join us, like tips suggests, its time to take action, your boy needs it as much as you do, come on we will make it fun, promise! ps: please don't worry about how to fill your time I can think of many many ways (he he) but expect your muscles to ache ! Please jump in you are very welcome, its time to change and we can all help each other x

[crazyforwine]

Having a hard time getting started!

Thanks, KeepsWalking, I am jumping over to the Fitness section. I will read through the thread tonight and then start posting! Sounds like a good place.

CW

[looking for peace]

Having a hard time getting started!

CFW, Hi! I feel like I could have written your post. It's funny how we all have so much in common one way or the other. I relate to the sadness, loneliness and anxiety when not drinking and the guilt, anxiety and fear when drinking. I have a son who will be a senior next month and I really want to make this last year a year for us to remember and to bond a little more closely before he goes to college.

I too, feel like I've just been doing the minimum to raise him. I haven't been really present to listen to him most evening. I just hope it's not too late. We can't focus on what was lost but we can start from today to repair and start anew. I am especially sad and melancholy tonite as I've been thinking about this all day. All I know is if I keep drinking I have absolutely no chance for a better relationship and a better life, if I dont drink, there just may be a chance. That glimmer of hope.

I'm not drinking tonite and I will stay on MWO to help me through some of this sadness. Hang in there, I know just how you feel

[crazyforwine]

Having a hard time getting started!

Thank you, Looking for Peace. It's like having the Empty Nest syndrome before it's really empty. My son was just in my room, lying on my bed, talking about college. I literally broke out in a sweat from the anxiety and fear of all that-the choices, t he cost and mostly, the knowledge that I will miss him like crazy. I am going to work hard to connect with him more this year, to listen and to be interested in someone besides my besotted self! Actually, it's not very funny....it's too true.

My anxiety and escalated drinking really got bad 6 years ago when my second child, my daughter, developed Type 1 diabetes. Talk about an anxiety factory. I could break down in tears just thinking about it. Alcohol has of course not made her better, nor helped me in any way. It has only lessened my coping skills.

So, on to better things, a better life. I'm with you.

CW

[Lavande]

Having a hard time getting started!

Hi CFW,

Welcome back!
You already know this is a good place

I can relate to your post, especially the anxiety part! But I have to tell you, my anxiety is under control primarily because I found the right treatment for my depression & because I stopped drinking wine. I used it for the numbing effect!!!

You can lessen your anxiety about quitting by putting together a good plan for yourself. Look in the https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html for good ideas on how to handle certain situations before they come. Look for ideas how to fill your time - it's not all that hard once you realize how free you are without anxiety filled hang overs - seriously

Drop in the Newbies nest thread for more support.
Wishing you the best!

Lav

[WineSucks]

Having a hard time getting started!

Hi CFW and LFP.....Just wanted to give you a welcome to MWO....I could have written your posts last year. My youngest daughter was a senior in HS and I was doing the barley get by mothering. Not good! I was able to pull it out at the end but I found their HS years so stressful that drinking was a way for me to disengage. I too felt like I couldn't live with the wine or without it......it's a frustrating, lonley place! Finally, I just got freakin sick and tired of myself and I started looking at MWO. Finally I posted (I started a thread called "All I want is 30 days AF).

I have had one 10 day attempt then failed.......I'm on my second attempt and will be Day 15 tomorrow, which I wouldn't have thought possible. It hasn't been easy but I'm starting to finally feel good (although today was a struggle for me, I felt strong enough to push through). I post on the site that KeepWalking and Tips are talking about in the Fitness Section (Keeps will keep you in line!). I also post daily on the thread I started, which are women struggling with wine. Sobriety doesn't have to be somber....we have a good time but we also post how we are feeling (my post wasn't that great today because I had a hard time). Posting daily, for me, makes this less of a lonley process and honestly, it's what stopped me from going to the liquor store today. I wish you the best of luck on your journey and look forward to seeing you on the threads.

[RitaNow]

Having a hard time getting started!

Hi CFW! I am on day 4 AF - I have had some of your same thoughts .... 5 years ago when my Son was your Son's age. I didn't stop drinking .... I have so many regrets for not stopping while he was still home. Now here I am ... still needing to stop. And I'm on day 4, so let's kick this AL in the:b&d: and do this together!

[crazyforwine]

Having a hard time getting started!

Rita,

I really feel for you. But there is always time to reconnect, I know from my own parents who stopped drinking when I was in my thirties. I don't think it's ever too late, but we need to try to make the best of the time now.

WS, "disengage" is exactly the right word. AL provides us that in spades, doesn't it? I think that is my major goal, to reengage with the world, esp my family. I have become a hermit; I work at home, kids are at school or camp,not very connected with hubbie; it's just me, three cats and a few bottles. I'm looking forward to reading your thread, I see it has a lot of entries!

Lav, I think we started around the same time. You have done so well! Thank you for the advice about making a plan. I used to have a will of iron; now it's hard to make myself stick to anything! At age 54, I still rebel against rules I set for myself. Ridiculous. I will change this.

Well, off to bed, best to you all, and thanks to you all.

CW

[looking for peace]

Having a hard time getting started!

Wine sucks, where is that thread about women and wine that you post on daily? Sounds interesting.

[crazyforwine]

Having a hard time getting started!

I think it's the "all I want is 30 days AF" which is under Just getting Started. I'm going to read it today!

CW

[Booyah35]

Having a hard time getting started!

I feel somewhat the same way you do it sounds. Knowing and wanting to conquer this yet having such a hard time taking the 1st steps. I think this site will help us both if we stick around.