Hello from Montana

[MorningOwl]

Well it seems my whoo button is broke. I've had a problem for a while and I need to get it under control. I am a Shaman (an Indian medicine person for those that don't know) and alcohol is killing my spirit. I've tried to quit before and have come to the conclusion I can't do it by myself. I'm a 38 yrs old female and live in a small cabin (600 sq ft) in Montana. I am trying to learn to become self reliant and build a small homestead for myself. I've never told any one I was going to quit because I have tried and failed so I didn't want to look bad. Tonight I told my best friend and my boyfriend that I was going to try this. My girlfriend said "you go girl? my boyfriend said "if you feel that?s what you need to do". He doesn't see a problem I think because his ex-wife was a mean drunk, I'm a happy drunk. The problem is I don't have a whooo button and drink until I make a fool of myself. Fall down sloppy drunk. I never get hang overs which I wish I did so I had some consequence to drinking but all I have is the huge guilt trip I give myself. I also get mad at myself because I am an 11 yr veteran of martial arts and I do have self discipline in most areas of my life because of this. I found this site looking for Anabuse so that I would have to stop this insane pattern. I will down load the book but my question is does it down load to your computer or can I have it emailed to me? The reason I ask is because I would like to start reading it but I do not have a printer at home. When I get to work on Monday I will be able to print it there.
I'm extremely scared and I don't really know why. This is a strange statement coming from me, as I'm a very secure, confident person. But right now I feel like I'm going to puke and/or cry.

[xtexan]

Hello from Montana

Hi MorningOwl:

I'm Neil.

It is OK to be afraid at this point. By posting here, you have made a brave step in the right direction.

I think the fear, and anxiety is from your mind and heart saying that you must make a decision. Facing the world without the drink to shield us from its noise, and harshness is very scary indeed. Yet, we know if we keep drinking to destruction, that will be even more harsh for us.

I believe you can download the book as a .pdf (Adobe file), or at least that is what I did. I printed it at work myself, because the copier does two-sided very fast, and then I punched holes and put into a little folio binder.

Montana is a great place. Been there several times myself. Hope I get to see the big glacier at the Glacier Park before it melts.

Congratulations on coming here to join us, and getting started. It will not be so frightening when you know that we here are all in the same boat, and you will find the support you need.

Be well.

Neil

[weemelonhead]

Hello from Montana

Hi MorningOwl.........Great message at the bottom of your post by the way,(probably a proper word to describe it, but you know what I mean,......... my evil wolf has beencreated by and fed alcohol for a long time, I am now starving the buggar!!!)

Your friend sounds a honey...and this is the type of really positive encouragement you will find here...we ALL understand that this can be a problem, whether you are a sad/happy/violent/morose/sleepy/whatever drunk.....the issue isn't about behaviour types as much as the effect it has on your life, if this is a negative effect, (and each of us can decide that only by honestly looking at our own stuff), then I'm with you Morning, it needs to be addressed.
Sorry I can't help with questions about the book....I can only just about work my kettle, never mind do swanky things like downloading, but believe me, someone will reply who does!! That's the beauty of this site....someone will reply who does!!! (whatever the question it has seemed to me so far).
So brave of you to share with people who are so close to you...and I guess your boyfriend will only understand the realities of the situation when he sees the results of you controlling your alcohol in a way that works for you and the way you live your life....You sound an incredibly interesting person, and a strong willed little blighter to boot..this will stand you in good stead Much love to you...looking forward to reading further posts as I'd be really interested in hearing more about the homestead

Melon

[weemelonhead]

Hello from Montana

See....(Neil must have been posting at the same time)..I told you someone would know......They're an amazing buch here........xx

[MorningOwl]

Hello from Montana

Thank you for your support, it does take some of the edge off the fear. I guess I will have to wait until Monday to download the book. That way I will be able to print it, our copier does 2 side 3 hole punch too Neil, great idea, thanks. I know this is going to be a rough road for me so I'm sure you will be see more of my posts.

Melon if you want to pm me I will answer any questions you have about homesteading. I can also send you to some links if you want. Homesteading Today is very insightful forum. I love your post about starving your drunk wolf, I will remember that when I start craving a drink.

[Popeye]

Hello from Montana

MorningOwl

Welcome. This is a great place to start....and to be.
Homesteading......I envy you.

[surfer2]

Hello from Montana

morningowl

hello
you have reached a good site and im glad you are here

do you have access to sweat lodges,i hear they are quite effective for addictions
of course this may seem to be a dumb question to a shaman but i thot i would ask.
this can be a very complicated disease and require help from lots of areas

or
it can be extremely simple by reading alan carrs book "a way to control alcohol".
there's lots more on this site
you will get better

[lushy]

Hello from Montana

Welcome Morning!!! Sounds like you have an awesome support system which is a wonderful thing. We will add onto that support when you need it as well. This is truly a great place. I wish you the best.

[YoungAtHeart]

Hello from Montana

Welcome, Morning Owl! I'm so glad that you came here and posted. I'm a happy drunk too, so the only people who thought I had a problem were my family, who generally don't drink much at all. Good for you for deciding to take a hold of the problem!

You will find a lot of support here, and I encourage you to post often with your problems, issues, and triumphs! We will be here for you!

:welcome:

Kathy

[MorningOwl]

Hello from Montana

Surfer2

Surfer2 there is no such thing as a dumb question. Yes I do have access to sweat lodges, I am going to try and build one this spring or summer if I can afford it. Sweat lodges are good for purifying you and clensing but for the long haul the will not help me. I will look into alan carrs book "a way to control alcohol". Thank you for the support.:flower: