A Journey to Sobriety

[leaveinsilence]

So I wondered if I kept a daily blog of how I'm feeling it may help to have something to fall back on and read when I feel myself slipping...

Today woke up still drunk from last nights drinking, so much panic wondering how I was going to get through the day, had to meet friends for a day out with the children when all I wanted to do was throw up, lick my wounds and curl up and die quietly in a corner somewhere.

Even though I wasn't stumbling around or slurring I knew I was still drunk, had a small red wine as a hairy dog (as I call it) and posted on facebook that I wasn't drinking again, you know that thing we all say the morning after but we never stick to, thats going to be my reason for not drinking when we next have our Moms night in.

I was paranoid that my friend woukd be able to tell and smell AL on me as we sat together on the bus, I was talking to her and forgetting the thread of what I was saying time and time again, she probably guessed but she was hardly going to accuse me of being drunk at that time of the day was she?

Turned out a good day although Marred by the constant thought of how better it would have been if I hadn't of being battling the nausea and having to worry about the parania etc, you all know what I mean.

I've eaten well, had half a glass of wine with hubs hoping it would settle my stomach somewhat and put off the hangover feelings I was getting this evening, but that's it now, I'm done with it, looking forward to waking up in the morning and being rid of the nausea and starting day one for (hopefully) the last time.

Read through the toolbox I'm going to print out some of the items and tape them to the inside of my wardrobe, maybe carry some in my bag for when I'm out and about.

Night guys sleep well

[FlyAway]

A Journey to Sobriety

I think that keeping a record is a great idea. Particularly the early days. It's so easy to forget the horrible events that bring us here saying "never again." But if you go back and read the earliest postings of people, you find desperation, sorrow, sickness, and usually some self-loathing to boot. Rereading your early posts can bring you back to earth when the alcohol voice starts trying to convince you that you can moderate.

[leaveinsilence]

A Journey to Sobriety

Thanks Flyaway those were my thoughts, I did try before keeping a blog on my laptop but never got around to doing much and when I did I was never totally honest with myself, whether it was because I was worried about hubs finding the file, or that here I find I can be totally honest with myself I don't know.

Anyway I didn't have an undisturbed nights sleep (I miss that proper sleep I was getting when I was sober) but at least I didn't lie awake for hours and had some very vivid dreams. Woke up feeling not too bad, but feeling very crappy right now (I was hoping to sleep off thenausea last night but it didn't happen) so just had some paracetamol and a healthy breakfast (quorn sausages just don't hit the spot the same way but I'm trying to be healthy)

Going to take it easy today, dig out my vits and L glut, make a plan and get some routine going then I've arranged to go to Zumba class tonight with friends so hoping I feel a lot better by then..

Off to read the toolbox again whilst waiting for the washing machine to be delivered then take a long bath with a good book and wait until I feel human again......

Hope everyone is well:l

[FlyAway]

A Journey to Sobriety

I've been taking melatonin at night and I've been sleeping great now. Can't remember the last time I slept as well as I do now. Although I do sleep with earplugs too in an attempt to drown out my husband's snoring!

I hope you're feeling better by today's end.

[leaveinsilence]

A Journey to Sobriety

othanks honey i feel so much better now

felt awful all afternoon, plumbed in the new washing machine once it had been delivered then fell asleep on the sofa for an hour with one of the kittens

still wasnt feeling right turned down a glass of wine my hubs offered me ate dinner then by the time id walked to zumba felt brighter

now home buzzing but tired but more importantly no desire for any alcohol whatsoever going to take a cup of tea to bed and hopefuly sleep well

hope everyome is staying safe now wherever they are

[lolab]

A Journey to Sobriety

Hi LIS.....I'm glad you're doing ok. You were one of my early inspirations here back in the spring. I slipped up too and am trying to get back. I'm doing ok at the moment but damn this is hard sometimes! I hope you are sleeping well. :-)

[Juja]

A Journey to Sobriety

Leave....

I'm concerned about you, and glad you're feeling some better. I take it from what lolab said that you're not a Newbie, and know what to do. I'm with you, I'm with you. I wish you strength.:l

[leaveinsilence]

A Journey to Sobriety

thanks lolab and juju

yes im an old newbie fighting my corner against Al

just a quick post had an incredibily but most importantly AF day, got up early went straight on the wii fit, cleaned most of the house from top to bottom and ran to the shops all of which took me past my usual two witching hours

picked up my daughters friend for a sleepover so even if i wanted to i couldnt drink tonight so by the time dinner was over i was past my final witching hour, (usually once im past dinner i dont get the urge to drink)

now we:re about to play dance 2 with the girls and hopefully sleep better than i did the last two nights

hope you are all well

[FlyAway]

A Journey to Sobriety

Well done! :yougo::yougo::yougo::yougo::yougo:

[leaveinsilence]

A Journey to Sobriety

mday three over always one of my hardest to cope with days and i did find it hard

had a late night with the girls on their sleepover and they had me up early, so when a few stressful things happened at the same time late this afternoon i really wanted a drink

we'd decided to go for a meal and was all for suggesting sharing a bottle of wine with hubs especially as we had to wait for a table, but i suggested the unlimited soft drink option to hubs admitedly hoping he would say no lets have wine and did feel off hand when he agreed to the cokes, halfway down the first glass i was so glad that i hadnt gone with the wine and am now feeling fine and grateful to be sober for another night.

i knew exactly what would have happened if we had of ordered the wine, how? because i found myself checking my purse before i left to make sure i had enough cash in it to buy a second bottle when we got home

so happy i didnt go there and to know ill be waking up sober again

hope everyone is having a good af weekend

[leaveinsilence]

A Journey to Sobriety

Day 4:l third morning of waking up sober, although I still feel hangovery I know it's a withdrawal syptom and not the real thing.

Well was hoping to get some me time and get my med CD's, hubs is at work this morning, My son is at Legoland with his friends family until late tonight, eldest in still in bed and I was hoping my youngest would be exhausted enough to sleep in for an extra hour, but no as soon as I began to try some positive visualisation she woke up and leapt into my bed then the tree surgeons began working on next doors tree which is right by my window, so I thought I'd update here, read the site whilst drinking coffee and dig out a couple of short stories I'm writing to occupy myself.

I'm not going to drink today or even think about AL, the only thoughts I'm going to have are imagining being AF, hmmm I might go on line and find some yummy AF cocktails to make for later, see if I can find and AF coconut Liquor thingy maybe, go for a bike ride and have an early dinner so I'm busy round my witching hour and already eaten before the evening starts, if I don't drink before dinner then that helps as I don;t think about drinking so ch on a full stomach.

Hope you all have a great Saturday:l