Is it the wrong time to start?

[stallone]

I am new here ... well, I joined a few months ago, but only went one day AF and felt ashamed of myself, so I said I wouldn't come back until I was serious, and ready to change my life.

Well, I had an episode last Saturday of which I am not proud. Suffice to say, I don't remember much, just little flashes, and that has not happened often to me. It scares me when it does though. I am not a heavy drinker, but I am an everyday drinker. I have always had difficulty in going even one day without a drink. I know lots of people have a wine problem, but for me it is anything - wine, beer, whiskey - anything. Sometimes, I would not even have a craving, but it would occur to me that I had not had a drink yet, and I would go to the fridge or drinks cabinet, almost out of duty to alcohol!!

Anyway, although I had to have my hair-of-the-dog drink the next day, and the day after, I knew something had to be done, and I am now a few hours away from 4 days AF.

The problem is, I am getting married next week, and I know I will drink then. My target was to stay AF until then, which I figured would be a benefit to me, and prove that I can stay off the drink, but I am now worried that the first one would set me off, after 12 days AF. When I'm drinking every day, it doesn't affect me, and I can stop when I need to. I have the occasional episode, like last Saturday, when something really stresses me and I don't see the line, but I know that coming up to the wedding I would be on my best behaviour, and would not go on any binges. If I were to continue drinking for the next week, just a little a day, I know I would not go mental at the wedding. But if I am cold sober, and the first drink on my wedding day goes straight to my head, I could ruin my big day.

Thoughts? Valid fears, or am I just making excuses to drink?

[Today]

Is it the wrong time to start?

[QUOTE=stallone;1162396]I am new here ... well, I joined a few months ago, but only went one day AF and felt ashamed of myself, so I said I wouldn't come back until I was serious, and ready to change my life.

Stallone, congrats on 4 days AF! You said that you would come back to MWO when you were serious about changing your life and here you are. You are ready to change. Stay strong and focused on remaining AF for the time you can.

Regarding your upcoming wedding (and congrats on that too :h) maybe don't put too much pressure on yourself that you WILL or HAVE TO drink. Maybe you will, maybe you won't but I would recommend not planning for it as it may let you slide back into the place you were in. However long you are AF is a good break for your body and mind. I have plans to go out with friends tonight and they all drink and know I like my vodka as well.. I haven't decided what I will say about not drinking when they go "what, you're not having anything, come on.." I have mentally stressed this as I cycle through thoughts, ie. I could have 1 drink, or I can say I'm on diet, or still recovering from last night, etc. It seems normal to stress in anticipation of problem we forsee (falling back into it, getting smashed at your big event).

I can relate to your past Saturday, but have had many of those nights that I can't remember.. usually ended up with me having to go find my phone the next day and apologize for something I did or said. Not fun, either is the part where people would tell me what I did and I thought "me, I said/did that??"

Good luck, keep checking in on MWO, it really helps!

I am 6 days AF and really happy for the clear head and conscience.[/FONT]

[BzzBee62]

Is it the wrong time to start?

I'm just like you in your drinking habit, inasmuch as I drink every day but not usually to great excess, except every once in a while where it takes a couple of days trying to get over the 'aftershock'. I am functioning, working full-time, have responsibilities etc. but I'm also a drinker, every day, and sometimes all day every day.

I would be very careful about drinking at your wedding, just based on what happened to me last time I went AF for a week. I decided to have one or two and ended up going on a mind-blowing bender requiring three days to recover. That then made me lose confidence in my ability to moderate.

Obviously, whatever you do is up to you, and your results may be completely different than mine. Please just be aware that abstaining for a while can cause a desire to go overboard when you do drink again, especially after such a short period of time.

Buzz.

[Lavande]

Is it the wrong time to start?

Hi stallone,

Welcome back!

Use the ideas in the https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html to make yourself a good plan!
Do you really want to risk your wedding day memories by putting them into the hands of AL?

Think very carefully & do what you have to do to ensure yourself a beautiful day

Best wishes to you on your upcoming marriage & journey to AL freedom.

Lav

[looking for peace]

Is it the wrong time to start?

I would be very careful too at your wedding. With all those AF days and your body in detox mode, you may get plastered a lot faster on a lot less than you thought. I know that the last time I had over a week of abstinance and wound up having a bottle of wine, I was really hung over and sick for 3 days afterwards. When I was drinking steadily, one bottle of wine didn't give me an extreme hangover, just a mildly sick feeling the next day. You want to be able to enjoy the honeymoon! Congrats!

[Doggygirl]

Is it the wrong time to start?

Hi stallone. Formerly I was a fellow daily drinker. Bad things didn't happen EVERY time I drank, but in the end it was extremely unpredictable. Once I started, I did not have full control over when I would stop or what would happen.

I could try to PLAN a drinking occassion to make sure problems would not occur. However, it didn't really matter how much planning I did or didn't do. My drinking was unpredictable in terms of outcome, and that was that. The only predictable thing was that I never ever even once, stopped at one.

Knowing what I know about my own drinking, I would want my significant life events to be AF. These days, they are and I don't regret that AT ALL.

I wish you well sorting this out. In my opinion, there is never a "wrong" or "bad" time to stop drinking. After all, your wedding is about the bride and solidifying your life committment to each other, and the "party" is secondary, right? And we can celebrate life events without drinking, right?

DG

[FlyAway]

Is it the wrong time to start?

stallone;1162396 wrote:
Thoughts? Valid fears, or am I just making excuses to drink?

This. As DoggieGirl said, there is never a bad time to not drink. But there definitely is a bad time to drink. If you didn't drink on your wedding day, do you honestly think you'd wake up the next day and think, "Damn, I really should have had some drinks yesterday! Wow, I really screwed that up! I'll regret this the rest of my life!"?

Honestly I don't think you're fully committed to the idea of quitting yet. I wish that you were, but the absolute worst thing that could happen would be that you'd feel unsupported here and not return at all and that is certainly not what any of us want. I would hope that you could get through your wedding without drinking, but I'll support you either way. Just don't give up on the idea of sobriety.

[stallone]

Is it the wrong time to start?

Thanks for all the support. It's not that I want to drink on my wedding day, but there are so many traditions that call for a drink - I am in a country where even in the morning it is a tradition to have a couple of little shots in the morning - just baileys or something similar - and there will of course be photographs at the wedding involving champagne. Then my family are from another country, which is famous for being fond of beer (where did you think I picked up the habit!). And my brothers and I have a tradition of being each other's best men, and we all go for a whiskey together before the ceremony.

So, with family coming over, and with the traditions that take place, I would need a very good excuse not to parttake. I could, of course, just tell everyone, but I'm not ready for that yet. My bride doesn't even know - I just told her I'm taking a break for a week to de-tox a little before my family gets here. I don't know exactly why I don't want to tell anyone, but it's either shame or the fear of failure. Or worse - the fear that they will all support me and I will have to NEVER drink again! I know, shameful, but this is a fear for me. I want to stop drinking, but the thought of never having one again terrifies me. This is one of the things I hope will change over time, but for now, I do not want to tell anyone, and so I don't want to risk ruining the wedding day by getting plastered before I reach the altar.

I will aim for one week this time (I am on Day 4), and will begin again after the honeymoon. I hate the thought of going back to Day 1, but I also will be content to prove to myself that I can abstain for a week, then have a drink for a special occasion, and then quit again. This will prove that I am in control. I hope.

[FlyAway]

Is it the wrong time to start?

I sometimes think that focusing on what "day" it is can be counterproductive. I feel like it brings on an all or nothing attitude, and if you drink one day you might as well just keep on drinking. It's really difficult to quit and I don't think it's realistic to expect perfection from the start. I really prefer to count sober days per month or something along those lines. It's easier to feel proud of having 15 sober days in a month when you only had 8 sober days the previous month. It's easy to see your progress that way as opposed to feeling a failure and that you must start over because you drank one day.

Also, I apologize if I seemed harsh in my last post. I totally forgot how different some cultures are when it comes to alcohol. I do understand the pressure you'll feel.

[stallone]

Is it the wrong time to start?

Don't worry Flyaway, I didn't take any offence. All I saw was good and honest advice, which is always welcome and appreciated!

Thanks.

[Unwasted]

Is it the wrong time to start?

Stallone, I really feel what you're saying too. And Fly has a good point - this really is a process. Sending you strength and support with whatever you decide.