Day 48 - I am a dry drunk

[RemorseBeGone]

Day 48 - Unfortunately I am a "dry drunk".

I miss my long-time friend (AL).

The prospect of never spending time with him again is heartbreaking.

I am sober in the physical sense but am finding it nearly impossible to accept and to move on to emotional and permanent sobriety.

I have a busy life, great job, hobbies, wonderful wife + children, no major health worries, financial stability BUT BUT BUT I still miss my friend. What is wrong with me? :upset:

[HowDryIAm]

Day 48 - I am a dry drunk

RemorseBeGone;1166214 wrote: Day 48 - Unfortunately I am a "dry drunk".

I miss my long-time friend (AL).

The prospect of never spending time with him again is heartbreaking.

I am sober in the physical sense but am finding it nearly impossible to accept and to move on to emotional and permanent sobriety.

I have a busy life, great job, hobbies, wonderful wife + children, no major health worries, financial stability BUT BUT BUT I still miss my friend. What is wrong with me? :upset:

That's rough. I know the feeling. It's a numb nothingness.

When I was sober what worked for me was finding new things. I took a painting class at the local JC and really got into it for a year. I also got into cycling, and was in terrific shape for awhile. I got obsessed with all the gear you could buy, discovering local trails, etc.

It could be something as little as acknowledging you aren't enjoying your hobbies or other aspects of life as much as you think you should, and it's time for a change. In cycling, I got really connected to the scene, made many friends, ran local rides, even helped someone launch a shop. But cycling just got boring. Yet, I was so connected to the local scene I felt obligated to continue and soldiered on.

I am a slave to routine yet at the same time I despise it. Drinking creates that temporary escape from the routine, makes the ordinary seem exciting. But the best cure is to change the routine. Drastically if needed.

[Turnagain]

Day 48 - I am a dry drunk

Good morning Remorse...

Your decision to not drink is something to be proud of. 48 days is a remarkable achievement. I am sorry you are still feeling bad. I would encourage you to explore the possibility that this has a physiological cause. Here is a link to some great resources that have been a tremendous help to me in repairing the biochemcial damage caused by years of extreme drinking (and smoking!)

Identifying & correcting the biochemical disruption of hypoglycemia and alcoholism

As for the psychological....yeah I missed drinking....felt VERY deprived for awhile. Finally, I accepted that I CAN'T drink. Period. My body just can't handle it and it was destroying my life. I focus on feeling grateful for this second chance I have to heal and to live to the fullest with the time I have left.

It is a process...that's for sure. I wish you the best, my friend.

[allswell]

Day 48 - I am a dry drunk

Hi Remorse,

I went 57 days and suddenly my largest client went out of business and my decade long relationship went to total shit all at once. I might have had a chance if it happened during the week but it happened on a Friday and I spent all day Saturday stewing about it and finally was so sick of fighting it I went out and bought a twelve pack of heineken. While coming back to the house I decided if twelve were not enough I didn't want to drive out and get more so I went and bought another 6 pack and drank all 18 beers that day. I felt like such shit the next day I knew my thoughts that there was anything good about alcohol were way off. Keep fighting if you have it in you - alcohol is no friend. Best!

[Enough!]

Day 48 - I am a dry drunk

Remorse... I know exactly how you feel. Timeframe wise we are about in the same boat. I feel great, my kids are more relaxed, my recycle bins are empty ( no more covering up the booze with newspaper)... I saved enough this month and a half to buy my son a I phone and pay the bill for an entire year.

So why oh why am I thinking it is Saturday night and a nice bottle of coppola claret would be lovely. I figure it took 15 years to get attached to the bottle and will take a lot longer then a few months to permenently " break up and divorce" my long time love.

Best of luck!
Enough

[Lavande]

Day 48 - I am a dry drunk

Remorse,

CONGRATS on your 48 AF days, terrific!!!

I understand your feelings, they are real.
Here's what I did to help combat the funk.....
I developed a real sense of gratitude. I made a list of all the things that improved in my life. I aknowledged the freedom from fear, shame & guilt associated with abusing AL. I aknowledged my improved health & mental status. I am a member of this website but you can do some free reading - it helps: The ToDo Institute: Mindfulness, Procrastination, and Gratitude using Morita and Naikan Therapies

I believe deep down that the MWO Hypno CDs helped to change my thinking! I learned to relax for the first time in many years with AL on board. Think about trying them if you haven't!

It does take time to complete the break up with AL just as Enough mentioned. Push yourself to do new things. If you think there is any possibility of an underlying depression, take care of it - I did

Keep up the good work, make that gratitude list

Lav

[cpn1004]

Day 48 - I am a dry drunk

Remorse, congratulations on your 48 days. It was so difficult for me to do 30 days. So you got that going for ya. Fight through the temptations. There is nothing that alcohol makes better.
Good luck,

[RitaNow]

Day 48 - I am a dry drunk

Turnagain;1166278 wrote: Good morning Remorse...

Identifying & correcting the biochemical disruption of hypoglycemia and alcoholism

Wow --Turnagain that is A GREAT Read ..... I've always known ... that Sugar, Nicotine and Alcohol are the same substance in different suits. They each destroy you in different ways and on different levels.

Remorse - also remember that early in recovery our Addictive Voice is the loudest voice we hear in our head. That voice that says you miss your friend, your heartbroken without .. etc, etc. IT IS NOT THE REALITY of you missing that ... it is the ADDICTION which is powerful and has a LOUD voice. Just like in a bad relationship. Someone beats us up, abuses us -- and we miss them? That is the sickness talking. Just wanted to help you see that - as if you believe it is YOU missing AL ... you will never leave him for good. Just like an abused spouse .... if you don't see and hear the sickness in that voice that says it's okay ... you will never give it up. And the fact that you (the real you) want to give it up ... says that you should. People who don't have a problem with AL never would think of "giving it up".

Tell that Addictive Voice that you are NOT going to drink, and you don't miss feeling horrible, sick, and out of control!! You miss nothing about it .... IT may miss those things but YOU don't!!! I know it sounds like I'm talking about 2 people here, but in some ways the Addiction takes on it's own personality inside of us. That's the Addictive Voice. The one who needs to be kicked out!!!

[RemorseBeGone]

Day 48 - I am a dry drunk

Great advice people. Just to mention again how this place has helped me immensely.

Ok - here is how I see it : For the past 7 weeks I have concentrated all my thoughts and energies to simply NOT DRINKING AL. This has worked but I have replaced the alcohol with tea and sugar! I did this because it helped me not drink and this was the vital goal. This caffiene and sugar intake makes a lot of sense of my symptoms especially after reading this (thanks Turnagain):

Turnagain;1166278 wrote: Identifying & correcting the biochemical disruption of hypoglycemia and alcoholism
.

So it took this replacement to get me sober. I really believe I needed this substitute to get me here. But now that I am sober it's time to improve the diet and hopefully improve the mood.

You guys rock!:goodjob:

[shueaddict]

Day 48 - I am a dry drunk

Remorse, so well said, I can totally relate to it.

I also have a similar background, successful family & work life and many AF days under my belt now.

I have found that I miss and crave AL on 2 separate levels: physical and mental.

The physical need I think I managed to get under control by now with the help of my holistic doctor ? the change in my diet has made a big impact on how I function altogether. I eliminated all refined sugars and white flour and ate every 3-4 hours mostly complex carbs + lots of fruit and veg. I have small healthy snacks everywhere ? handbag, pockets, car, office, conference room, gym bag ? mostly oatcakes, nuts, rice puffs, corn puffs etc.

I found that my mood has improved enormously, I am really switched on in work and can do longer hours and the initial depression is gone (I was in mourning over the loss of my great friend, Mr. Sauvignon Blanc born in Marlborough - New Zealand for ages ? for I loved him and his family very very much).

The mental need I still struggle with. I have some triggers that I need to address ? such as work related anxiety and family tension.

My doctor told me:? Think of it this way, you?re 35, female, and so far you?ve used all your AL credits for your entire life. There are none left so ? game over!!? That was so harsh !!!

So I try not to think in terms on NEVER EVER drinking again ? it?s a truly depressing thought once you put it that way. But by taking responsible steps to rebuild my health and improve my life altogether this is where I am headed anyway, without realizing it and without fighting it.

Turnagain ? excellent article. I also found this one helpful:
Alcoholism, Part 2 ? Fixing the Brain — 1 By David Gersten, M.D. | Intelligent Alcohol Management