In need of wise words and encouragement

[patrice]

Hi All

I have returned after a long period of sustained drinking and I feel very down and lacking in confidence. Its been a bad couple of years. I was working in a foreign country that I disliked, my husband left one day and never came back, leaving me to look after our 4 year old, working full time AND I had just signed up for another 1 year contract in this place I didn't like so I was stuck there for Another Year.

I finally got out in December and went back to NZ where I am from. I was so so happy to be back with family and friends. I still drank but not nearly as much for those first 2 months. I got my son into a good school and was then able to start looking for work ( I teach ESL to International students) I came back on this website in February and had been AL for 3 days when a devastating earthquake struck, killing many and destroying the city.

I started realising that there would be no teaching work there for many years which was so depressing because I have a 6 yr old to support. I tried and tried but began drowning in debt and Alcohol.

I realised last month that I had to leave to get work. I so so didn't want to, because I was loving having the support of friends and family. It was very special and I resented having to leave but I also had to earn money.

I luckily got a good job teaching in Malaysia starting in September. But 2 days after I signed this 2 year contract, my father was diagnosed with terminal bone cancer. I didn't know what to do, but my family implored me to go because it was a job and a good one and everyone said to me ' well you can't just sit around waiting for your Dad to die'

I have now been here for 2 weeks, drinking daily, feeling miserable and so so lonely.. I don't know a single soul here and I don't speak Malay. I am wondering if I have done the right thing... and I'm finding the idea of giving up the crutch of booze very frightening.. just because it seems like I feel the need to numb out..

Sorry to whinge. I know things will get better with time but I just so wish it was soon

Any advice would be welcomed
Thanks
Patrice:upset:

[RitaNow]

In need of wise words and encouragement

Dear Patrice .. I commend you for laying it all out here. The beginning of wisdom is having a clear picture of where you are at. I lost my Mom to cancer 2 years ago ... and I can tell you for certain that she wanted me to keep living my life and do what I needed to do to be healthy. Does your Dad have the support of other family? If so - can you just plan some trips home to visit and spend time?

No matter what crisis hits you ... (The Earthquake, or your Dad's illness) you will NOT make it WORSE if you are not drinking. You certainly can make any crisis worse by drinking your way through it.

The world is a very crazy place right now. I just have this feeling like it's time for all of us to "clean up" and start looking to God intently. We can't do that if we are fogged over with alcohol. There is hope when we "control" the things we can (IE: the alcohol) - and let go of the things we can't control (the cancer, the earthquakes).

Much love to you in these trying times. You will find peace in any situation when you know you've done something so good for yourself and your Son.

[patrice]

In need of wise words and encouragement

Thank you so much Rita
Yes I have 2 brothers and Mum is there too so he has support. It's just that after 25 years I so wanted to be near my family in the twilight years
Yes I agree the world seems very angry right now

Taks Care
Patrice

[mario]

In need of wise words and encouragement

Hi patrice welcome back and sorry your going through so much grief as molly says stick around as you know you can get much advice and much needed support here.

[patrice]

In need of wise words and encouragement

Thanks Molly and Mario - you were both so supportive last time and I will never forget...
Molly - you made me smile, I could become a construction worker... in Christchurch they will be needing about 30,000!!! I hear a lot are applying from Irelend actually..
But, my dear, at 48 years ild and 50kgs.... i might not be that successful haha

I will stay very close to these forums and will try and encourage others.

[leaveinsilence]

In need of wise words and encouragement

Well I don;t think I can offer much in the way of wise words but I can offer support:l

I'm sorry you are going through such a bad time and so hope things begin to get better for you:l

Stay close to the board and look after yourself

[patrice]

In need of wise words and encouragement

Thanks leave, means a lot
xx

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

In need of wise words and encouragement

Hello Patrice, sounds like you are stuck between a rock and a hard place right now. Am I correct in assuming you couldnt survive on what the NZ social services would pay you? Being home and near your family would be ideal but unless you can make the books balance you dont have an option but to seek work wherever it is available, but you know that.
I cant imagine how lonely and hard it is for you to be alone in a strange country with a young child but one thing is glaringly obvious, the grog will only make matters worse. I say this with kindness. The more we hid in the bottle the more depressed and introverted we become. Is AA an option, at least you would meet people locally who understand?
I wish you well but do think you really need to give AF a serious go, whatever it takes. One final thing, you are never alone when you have MWO.
Take care
KTAB

[ronnie]

In need of wise words and encouragement

Hi Patrice,
You sound like a very strong person and deep down you can get through this and come out the other side. I too have no family or friends near me as I am from the UK and moved to OZ 4 years ago and I work full time but I am the only women in the firm so it is very hard to make friends. This is my second time around and just being AF for 4 days is making me like myself again. Like KTAB said if AA is an option you would meet some really lovely people who will also help you. In time you will start to look on life differently and begin to enjoy it just stick around and you will get lots of support here. Why dont you take the September challange, that is what I am going to do plus I have another challange with another women on this site. You can join me in a 30 day challange if you like.
Take care Honey xxxxx

[patrice]

In need of wise words and encouragement

Oh thanks KTAB - you are strong and wise ( haha I remember telling you that a year ago!!)

No its very difficult to survive on the single parent benefit in NZ.. its kind of meant as a stopgap between work and begining work and its a great help... but not long term.. would be ok if my son was 18 but he has just turned 6!! mmm long way to go huh...

I'm 48 and can still get jobs overseas so I guess I need to seize that opportunity.. it may not be the same in 5 years time..
Not sure about AA - I have just arrived in Malaysia, feel a bit embarrassed to try AA in case I bump into any of my student's parents... I am working in an international school... you know the angle, teachers in Asia are revered ( wrongly I think!!) but I need to be careful...
One thing is for sure... I need to stop the booze, I need to get a grip, I need to realise I am lucky to be able to change my circumstances.. I need to feel positive to support Dad, even if its just on Skype...Thank you KTAB.xx
Hi Ronnie, thank you too.. I will be on the september challenge 2moro too. I caved today but have posted my intentions a lot

Thank you sincerely, I feel sad but better and I am ready for 2moro
Take Care
Patrice

[Audrey14]

In need of wise words and encouragement

Hi patrice!!!

The most important for you as mother is to be with your son...
With others you can contact on Skype..
Soon i'm leaving my daughter who' s 18 and having last highschool year here in Latvia..for 3 months we' ll have only skype contacts..i know i 'll miss her incrediably because we have very wonderful mother' s/daughter' s relationship in spite of my AL problem..