Three weeks

[Taylormade]

Three weeks and no cravings. Alcohol for me is more mental than anything. I would hide because I am not allowed to drink for medical reasons. I had some seisure activity years ago which I am sure was brought on by chronic drinking. I was told I had to stop or risk serious damage. I quit for a time but always came back to my comfort zone.

Thinking I could hide it was pretty egotistical. Everyone knows but most would not comment. I also quit for five years but found the excuse to return after my 30 year old daughter passed away. I was strong for my family for months and finially needed to escape. I have been cheating for the last two years and lying about it.

I have really damamged my marriage and feel the most pain there. She has chosen to distance herself from me for now; not move out, just not sharing our usual married life.

I hope it ends soon because it is tearing me up inside.

[Lavande]

Three weeks

Taylormade,
Congrats on your 3 AF weeks, that's terrific! You are doing something wonderfull for yourself & those around you whether they acknowledge it or not.

I really feel for you because I am in a similar situation. My chronically, severely depressed husband emotionally checked out of our marriage 15 years ago, physically moved out of the house almost 18 months ago.......a little over a year after I went AF. He was/is too self-absorbed to recognize all the hoops I've jumped through trying to make him happy over the years. I finally get that I can't make someone else happy!

Is it possible that your wife is still suffering over the loss of your daughter & not acknowledging your attempts to correct thing? The death of a child is so difficult, I watch my brother-in-law & his wife suffer everyday over the loss of their son.

Whatever happens, keep your AFcommitment because drinking never makes anything better!
Wishing you the best!

Lav

[Taylormade]

Three weeks

Three Weeks +

thanks Lav. I know I can do this because I have done it many times in the past. Why I return is a mystery to me. I have not put my finger on the trigger mechanism but I have my guard up and am moving cautiously.

My poor wife and I will always miss our daughter. Luckily she left us with a beautiful grandaughter with whom we spend a lot of time. I only wish that I had had the strength to be honest with her during this last episode.

[Lavande]

Three weeks

You may or may not be aware of the H.A.L.T. acronym for identifying triggers.

H. hungry
A. angry
L. lonely
T. tired

These are all very common triggers & we gravitate toward something comforting......such as AL.
Try running this through your head if/when you have drinking thoughts & see if anything fits ~ usually one of these things does.

It's wonderful that you have your grandaughter in your lives. My grandkids are very special to me & a big reason why I choose to live AF, no matter what
Please don't spend too much time dwelling on the past, it's history & can't be changed. Honesty is always the best policy & something I highly value but not always easy, is it? Stay positive & keep moving forward & stay connected with all of us!

Please feel free to drop in the Newbies Nest thread for lots of support.

Lav