I ammmid 40's been a daily white wine drinker for moee than 20 years.i have held a job down all this time but get totally wasted on the weekends.i have now started to drink on waking up and hiding this from my partner. It is now time to do something we end up in fights and i have gone to work several times with bruises on my face on a monday..i am sick of this life and he has told me that he can not stand it anymore..he hates when friday comes around as he knows what the weekend will bring..me drunk and obnoxious..i have decided that i am going to do it this time.today is day 2 AL free and last night had my best sleep for weeks...is anybody out there who wants to jon me on this journey..I am scared as it is only 2 days to the weekend.I do not know how I am going to busy myself..I have set myself a short term goal to try to go 30 days AL free but at this stage it feels unachievable..i love my partner but i am not in control of alcohol anymore it is now in control of me....
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You are right about that ... unless you refuse that first drink. When you refuse to let it in your body ... you refuse to let it control you. The moment it enters your body - it is the monster that takes over. This is true for me also. I pick a fight with anyone around me. It's like a different person rises up. One that I hate. If only I can remember that when the drink calls for me. Amazing how quickly we forget. I am 6 1/2 weeks AF. What a good feeling. It has been VERY hard. But VERY worth it. 6 weeks isn't very long - but to me it represents hope, fear, sunshine and darkness .... all in one. That is because it represents reality. Something that I don't have when I'm drinking. Reality is good - even when it doesn't feel so good. Trust it - and trust yourself. It's amazing how strong and powerful we can be in reality.White or health;1177289 wrote: .... but i am not in control of alcohol anymore it is now in control of me....
Are you bruised because your partner is abusing you or because you are falling down? I just hope you can stop drinking for the 30 days so you can get a good view on where you want to go in the relationship. You hang in here with us - you can do it.Put your hands over your heart - and tell yourself that you are going to guard this essence of who you are with everything. Alcohol opens us up to darkness and depression instantly. You choose love today. Guard it by keeping the poison out of your body. It IS poison.
NF - May 2, 2013 (cig free Jan. 25, 2013)
AF - July 31, 2013
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Both fallen and been punched as he has had enough of both me and my behaviour,I don't say its right but i have given him a horrible time and the difference when we are together and I dont drink is like night and day....I think he feels that he can not get through to me and reorts to violence..i am stressing that this does NOT happen when I am sober...Rita you done so well,,i will alao make my first goal 7 days and then 30...I have realised that i can not have the one drink only and will have to make this a lifestyle commitment..I think some people get under the illusion that if I can just make it to xx days I can then start to drink moderatley again..in my case I have realised that this is not possible and it will simply not last or work...we are alcoholics dependant on a susbstance...eventually when you start dabbling with "just" a glass or sip it will end up with the whole bottle..this is my realisation this time and its either the bottle or my health and sanity..when I see a homeless person on the street with a bottle going to work in the morning I look at that person and think...what is our difference...I am on the same road as you but I still have a chance to turn around..i got a job, partner home and money for the future..so turn around and make that turn..I have and it is babysteps but hey I have turned the road..day 2...thank you for your supportComment
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Hi and welcome.
It sounds as if you have a clear understanding of what alcohol has done to you and good for you to realize that drinking normally is not attainable, at least for me and the majority of this forum. You will find a lot of support and lots of information here, we are good bunch who have been there.
Your plan for AF sounds realistic but you probably need a weekend plan to avoid history repeating itself. Maybe Friday eve make an appt for a massage or something and same for Saturday(garage sales!) and Sunday. You will feel really good if you can accomplish that and then the days start adding up one day at a time.
Stick around and read and post whenever. Take a look in the Tool Box it's a sticky in General Discussiion.
Good Luck.Enlightened by MWOComment
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Thank you thank you...i really do believe that MWO is going to be my main support during this time..the posts really help and it is comforting to know that we not alone....will keep you posted how this journey goes.Comment
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white or health i am on the ame amount of days as you too. i just recently went about a month and had a couple of weekends of bad binging. i get bruised from being so drunk and hurting myself. i am so sick of it. what i usually do is make a plan to do something early saturday morning so i know i will not want to drink friday night because i will not be able to get up. good luck to you MWO is a great site with a lot of support and wonderful people.I must suppress the beast within so I can find my way out of the darkness.
sober since 2/4/12Comment
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Day 3....
Had another great sleep...feel a lot better and I am surpised how much better...first goal 7 days...I truly wish I can make it past this weekend....will keep you posted.MWO you are truly my support...Comment
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Day 3 afternoon getting close to wine o'clock....really craving wine now....straight home and having fish and chips for dinner....gotta block it out of my mind and think it is a craving which will pass just like a craving for anything else...the poison/devil is tempting me but it will not work anymore...i am strong and have all of MWO buddies behind me...no more,ever never again will i give in..Comment
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Day 4..
I made it last night, did not sleep well last night...Today is Friday, if I can go without AL today and tomorrow I will be very very happy and proud of myself..I have busied myself with errnads so I will let you know....scaredComment
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White, you are doing really well! Much kudos to you. :goodjob::goodjob::goodjob:
I think you have a very good analysis of what is going on and what you need to do to fix it. Stay busy, think about summer coming, and how proud of yourself you will feel tomorrow morning and Sunday!
Go well!Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn
Harriet Beecher StoweComment
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Day 5...
Had to meet up with a couple of friends after work for dinner. I purposely did not want to meet in a pub so decided on a cafe. Well this cafe had new owners and gotten a liquor license!!I arrived first and happy hour had just started. Waitresess were running busy with trays full of wine, beers etc to serve the thirsty friday evening crowd.. I ordered a coffee and thought that this certainly would be a test!!!!!!!!!! My friends arrived and started ordering drinks buy one get one free. Our table was full of white and red wine..Meanwhile I was sipping on a cappucino and telling myself to be strong the urge will go away.I told my friends that I was drying out for a while. They said Ok.. An hour into it I said ok c'mon guys lets go for dinner..We left, friends jolly on AL, me jolly on being strong and resisting that drink...
Now Saturday lest see if I can make it through this weekend..Comment
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Well done, Whiteorhealth; I know you didn't intend to put yourself there but a bit of a blessing in the end as you have survived a challenge. You have overcome an obstacle and that always makes you stronger.....hold on tight over the weekend!!!!!:goodjob::lIT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO BE WHAT YOU MIGHT HAVE BEEN
Relapse starts long before the drink is drunk!!.Fresh Start!Comment
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My motivation is..Last time I had a massive binge I:
* called in sick at work
* felt that I had gave my partner another HORRIBLE weekend with constant fighting
* I felt so depressed and spaced out
* My anxiety was terrible
* I looked terrible, blood shot eyes and puffy face and coworkers even commenting on my apperance.
* I said to myself this has to STOP I can not go on like this
I said to myself always remember how you are feeling now when/if you can quit .. Well it is only 5 edays today but I am feeling a lot lot better than that Monday morning.. Do I want to go back and feel like that again on Monday NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO never again.. That is what motivates me to keep on going....And of course you lovely lovely lot on MWO....
I was exposed to alcohol and drugs at an early stage, I had a brief career working as a male model still living in Europe before moving to Australia..Life was fun, young, loads of money and parties. The thing is that my party has continued for 20 years...I want to go home from that party now..I have been home for 5 days, please let me stay "home""......
Day 6 tomorrow....Can not wait to make it 7 days... my first goal..Comment
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Day 6 ... Sunday Morning and no hangover...first time in years and years...I feel proud and awake....Today is going to be a beautiful sprind day in Sydney. I am going for a walk instead of pouring myself a glass of wine at 9 am...It is amazing how if you set your mind to it you can do it.. Tomorrow will be 1 week without AL and do I fell better, Hell YES!!!
I sleep better and I am less anxious and irritable and moody...It can only get better from here.....early days I know but a huge achievement for me......Comment
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WH - what joy HOPE brings, eh? You're spot on about it getting better.
After years of trying and FAILING to mod...this time around I decided to quit for good. Yup. I don't drink. Never thought I'd hear those words out of my mouth.
I feel like a death row inmate who got pardoned at 11:59 pm. I am present for every moment of life now and for the first time in nearly a decade...I wake up excited about each new day and I have hope for a great future.
You ARE doing this !Sober for the Revolution!
AF & NF July 23, 2011Comment
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