Hello everyone. I am totally new to this site and stumbled upon it because I was searching the internet for answers to what causes a person to drink too much. It is so much easier to confess to people whom I've never met then to those I already know. I left my husband nine years ago and was looking forward to starting a brand new life. I began a very rewarding, but tough college education. I went in to a major college debt of about sixty thousand dollars, as most do, because most of us don't have that kind of money lying around. I am currently withstanding the stress of looking for a better job so I can begin paying it back and so I can enjoy a life above the poverty line.
Everything started out great. I enjoyed my classes and my instructors immensely. However, somewhere along the way, about two years into it I began to feel very isolated and alone because of the immense hard work and discipline it took to succeed. I quickly developed no social life and began to feel like I was in a rut. I started to drink at night and on week ends to escape the depression from the isolation. I never told anyone how I was feeling. I never got extremely drunk, but I drank enough to come very close at times. I ws even buzzed at times while doing homework. However, I saved a majority of the drinking for the nights that I blew off the homework until the next day.
In the last few years I had some major heartaches and setbacks. I lost my father from complications of a stroke and also a good friend who died from an instantaneous heart attack because he was addicted to pain pills. He was only thirty-nine years young. Within six months of these two miserable events, my eight month old granddaughter was diagnosed with a very rare form of brain cancer. Surgery removed sixty percent of it, but she still faced a good years worth of chemo. Fortunately she is recovering beautifully and the doctor stopped the treatments. Just this week she had the medaport in her chest surgically removed. Anyway these things only added to my depression of course and I ended up taking a semester off. It was just too difficult to concentrate.
Looking back at all of this,except for there before the grace of God go I, I sometimes wonder how I made it through. Now that I've graduated I'm getting ready to go to Oregon and visit my mom and brothers and sisters in Oregon for about a week during the first part of October. I seriously need a change and the visit will be good for me. I can stop drinking for a few days at a time and even feel good about it, thinking I'm going to stop, but then I always end up doing it again for days and sometimes weeks. It's strange because I don't go into drunken stupors. I just like that strong buzz and I can't seem to put it down for good. I seriously want to stop, but it's so hard to just give it up completely. Sometimes when I'm alone I cry because I don't always know what to do with myself. I often even cry myself to sleep at night weather I've been drinking or not. I'm excited to be here and receive support. Please help. I really need someone to talk to. Thanks!
Everything started out great. I enjoyed my classes and my instructors immensely. However, somewhere along the way, about two years into it I began to feel very isolated and alone because of the immense hard work and discipline it took to succeed. I quickly developed no social life and began to feel like I was in a rut. I started to drink at night and on week ends to escape the depression from the isolation. I never told anyone how I was feeling. I never got extremely drunk, but I drank enough to come very close at times. I ws even buzzed at times while doing homework. However, I saved a majority of the drinking for the nights that I blew off the homework until the next day.
In the last few years I had some major heartaches and setbacks. I lost my father from complications of a stroke and also a good friend who died from an instantaneous heart attack because he was addicted to pain pills. He was only thirty-nine years young. Within six months of these two miserable events, my eight month old granddaughter was diagnosed with a very rare form of brain cancer. Surgery removed sixty percent of it, but she still faced a good years worth of chemo. Fortunately she is recovering beautifully and the doctor stopped the treatments. Just this week she had the medaport in her chest surgically removed. Anyway these things only added to my depression of course and I ended up taking a semester off. It was just too difficult to concentrate.
Looking back at all of this,except for there before the grace of God go I, I sometimes wonder how I made it through. Now that I've graduated I'm getting ready to go to Oregon and visit my mom and brothers and sisters in Oregon for about a week during the first part of October. I seriously need a change and the visit will be good for me. I can stop drinking for a few days at a time and even feel good about it, thinking I'm going to stop, but then I always end up doing it again for days and sometimes weeks. It's strange because I don't go into drunken stupors. I just like that strong buzz and I can't seem to put it down for good. I seriously want to stop, but it's so hard to just give it up completely. Sometimes when I'm alone I cry because I don't always know what to do with myself. I often even cry myself to sleep at night weather I've been drinking or not. I'm excited to be here and receive support. Please help. I really need someone to talk to. Thanks!
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