Yet another monday

[broken halo]

I am so sick of waking up hungover after a drunken weekend. Last night I drank a half a bottle of vodka, a bottle of red wine and two small bottles of cider. The night before, two bottles of wine. The night before that, I can't even remember. I don't know what's wrong with me that I want to abuse myself so badly. I am not playing this game any more, I am so sick of it.

I have a list I have taken from the toolbox thread and I am going to use this site as much as i can to help me. I have a full shift at work to get through feeling like this and I don't want to drink when I get back this evening, so I'll be logging in here. I am new but have been lurking for a while. If there is anyone out there who has logged in here feeling this way this morning please feel free to join me, I could do with some company.

[cuckoosnest83]

Yet another monday

I'm with you, Halo.

[Nelz]

Yet another monday

The answer is a resounding YESSSSSS I for one had decades of the "Mondays" you are talking about, but my Mondays were everyday. I too would wake up, feeling not quite right, swear off AL, only to stop by the liquor store on the way home and do it all over again.

I really did desperately want to stop for a variety of reasons, but the AL ended up winning every night, only with me to wake up wishing I could stop. I did get "lucky" one night. I woke up in the ICU at a local hospital, with tubes coming out of every orifice in my body, with no idea, how I got there, or what I did.

I hear everyone, or most everyone reaches a bottom point, and this my friend was mine. I could only imagine, what I had put my wife through. I had some time to reflect on my life and what I was doing to it.

At that moment, I promised myself and her, that I would never drink again. I had made the promise many times before and never been able to keep it. I still have the desire to drink, but when I do, I look at the hospital wrist band I put on our fridge, to remind me, the evils of AL. So far Im at around 150 days, some easy, some hard.

Please feel free to PM me if you need to or want to talk, I can be a great listener, and understand what you are going through.

Good luck with your journey, there are many wonderful people here, as well, as a vast amount of other tools to use, find the ones that work for you! You can do this

[broken halo]

Yet another monday

Let's do it cuckoo. I am sick of talking about it and thinking about it. I haven't suffered any major disasters or health problems yet, but I have a sense of impending doom, I know if I don't stop something terrible will happen and I am tired, so tired of it.

Nelz, what a terrible wake up call for you, this is exactly what I am frightened of. Good on you for making it so far, and thank you for sharing your story. I had two bottles of cider left and I threw them out. I would usually be stopping at the supermarket on my way to work to make sure I had my nightly fix, but not today. I am not going to drink today.

Thanks again, and cuckoo, let me know how you are getting on?

[tonstantweader]

Yet another monday

Hello broken halo and cuckoo and welcome. It wasn't that long ago that I was in the same shape as you, bh, and I made it through with the help of this site. One of the problems for me was that I had failed so many times before, I felt as if every time I tried to quit was just another failure. Make up your mind that this time is different and that alcohol is wrecking your life, not improving it. We think that alcohol helps us relax, helps us shut out pain or pressure, and helps us in other ways, but the truth is that it does none of those things and just increases our stress, our pressures, and our problems. You can live a wonderful, exciting, fun, and rewarding life without alcohol. It is a lie that once you quit drinking you quit having fun, in fact just the opposite is true. Waking up every morning without a hangover, going to work or raising kids without constantly thinking about drinking, and having evenings that you can remember are so, so much better than drinking. Check in often and keep posting!

[timetochangeforme]

Yet another monday

Two weeks ago was just another Monday for me too. I drank what I had in the house and went out to have another couple, and then came home to no more left in the house. You can't buy it at the store on sundays where i live so I went to bed pretty early, because there is nothing else to do once you've been drinking quite a lot. Woke up at 3 with that sense of doom that you describe. Well I made it through that week, sleeping issues and all and I am now into week three, which I have never gotten to before. I am glad to remember my evenings, and I have been going out on my deck, lighting my candles and listening to music without drinking. I don't want to be like if you don't drink you can't have fun, I am still in the process, but I am learning and it is so much better! Give it a try, don't be afraid! I hate that alcohol and I guess all addictions makes us feel afraid to go without the crap even for a few nights or one night if you have to tell yourself that. I bought Sundown Naturals Super Snooze Melatonin which is helping with sleeping. Take one or two and hour or so before bedtime, reading and falling asleep pretty easily. Go for it! At least to see what it's like, it is ok, actually calming not to have to plan your life around drinking.

[broken halo]

Yet another monday

Thanks for the posts and the encouragement. I made it through yesterday and actually slept quite well which is just as well as I was so exhausted. It's great to read that you guys have been through the same and yet are making such great progress. I am off work today and having quite a stressful time with real life stuff. I keep thinking how one bottle of wine this evening won't do any harm. I guess it is hard to break that cycle of thinking but I am telling myself that it won't do any good either, and I am using the memory of yesterday's hangover and depression to reinforce that.

I can see the harm it's doing me now, and I need to do something about it.Thank your for all the tips, I might use this thread just to put my thoughts down, and I'll definitely be checking out all the other threads throughout the day. especially the toolbox. Thanks again for taking the time to post, I really appreciate it.

[Tipplerette]

Yet another monday

Try not to look at it as deprivation. Whenever I think of having a glass of wine I remind myself that I have FREEDOM now; freedom from the burden of trying to control something that controls me. It makes me smile every time. No moderation for me. It took me years to accept it but at this point the hammer finally fell and after reading the Jason Vale book that everyone is going on about, I have been convinced that by giving up alcohol, I am giving up NOTHING and gaining EVERYTHING. It's worth the read.

[broken halo]

Yet another monday

Thanks Tippler. I am really trying to focus on that. Here I am on day 2 getting ready for work and fighting those old urges to have a bottle waiting for me coming home. Logically I understand that it's not deprivation but my drinker's brain keeps telling me it is. The thing is, I know one glass or even one bottle isn't enough for me anymore. I have to draw a line under this. Thanks again for the support.