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**mario** · October 4, 2011, 02:46 PM

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Hi and welcome to MWO supercrew and well done on your alcohol free time,Keep reading the threads/posts and jump in any where you want as I am sure you have a lot to share and give to all of us here,Goodluck and hope to see you around the boards :-)

**Supercrew** · October 4, 2011, 03:49 PM

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Thanks Mario! I used to use another forum for daily support and to keep my mind in the right place, but I disagree with some of the 12 step messages being sent there.

Basically I don't believe in "powerlessness". Anyways, I feel my method has been pretty effective, being that I lost the obsession to drink which I had for the better part of 27 years. Does this site subscribe to others types of recovery methods....I am assuming it does hence the name "My way out", but is it my way out or the site's way out? Just curious,

Thanks again for the welcome!

**mario** · October 4, 2011, 03:54 PM

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Yep any which way you can is/should is the way to go.We have all sorts here lots of us successful, I am sure you will enjoy this community. night.

**techie** · October 4, 2011, 04:21 PM

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Welcome to you SC. looking forward to learning more about you. See you on the boards!

**Supercrew** · October 4, 2011, 04:49 PM

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techie;1187809 wrote: Welcome to you SC. looking forward to learning more about you. See you on the boards!

Thanks, I appreciate it!

**Stompy** · October 4, 2011, 04:59 PM

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Supercrew;1187814 wrote: Thanks, I appreciate it!

Hi,
News Here also. Great to hear things are going so well for you. Love to hear more from you as to what you've i.e. plans etc.

**sunshinedaisies** · October 4, 2011, 06:59 PM

New Here

Welcome supercrew - how did you manage it? We are always interested in ANY way to stop the Beast from winning - I for one, would love to hear how you did it.... congrats on your success!

Sun XX

**LillyE** · October 4, 2011, 07:41 PM

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A big warm welcome to you Supercrew. Your progress is totally inspiring! Good ON you!

I'm new here too - more on me in the My Story thread ('Diving In') - and totally looking to get to know and support others so, welcome...

I feel the same way about AA. I haven't ruled it out 100% but the powerlessness and the religious/prescriptive aspect don't sit well with me. (As I've said before with NO disrespect to AA intended. I know it's helped many here.) So hoping to find My Own Way

From what I've seen so far, although this site has a program/plan (which honestly I have not really delved into yet) people are just generally supportive however you're going about it. I know that's what's appealing to me anyway. If I felt people were bashing me over the head about having to follow the MWO program I probably would have left already.

Look forward to getting to know more about you.

Lilly

**Supercrew** · October 4, 2011, 11:58 PM

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Thanks for the warm welcome everyone!!

Well..... I had been drinking since the age of 15. I thought it was a cool macho thing to do in my teens, and I fell in love with the feeling of being drunk. For the next 27 years my life revolved around drinking. I drank every weekend in my teen years, I happened to go to a college where alcohol was not permitted, so I made up for it every free chance I got. Once I got out of school I continued on as a heavy binge drinker for the next 15 years having my fair share of relationship problems, a DUI, (where I was first introduced to AA), and minor run ins with the law periodically. My wife married me knowing I liked to drink, and she even accused me of being an alcoholic more than a few times over our 20 year relationship. The funny thing was I never thought I had a problem. I was always the last guy at the party, I was always the guy double fisting and drinking as many shots as I could. I drank because I loved drinking. Now I did think I might have a little self control issue, being that I could not stop at "a couple of drinks". If I could only have a couple I would rather not drink at all.

But how could I possibly have a drinking problem? I made a good living, I stayed married, I have kids, I have alot of friends and I was well respected by most people in my community.

About 5 years ago I moved into my dream home, and I work from a home office, and my youngest son started attending school. This meant that I had more time on my hands, and I had some expendable cash. I got real tired of the wife always accusing me of drinking after I only had "a couple of beers", so I came up with a plan...subconsciously I think. If I was drinking a majority of the time how could anyone tell the buzzed me from the sober me? It happened one weekday when I was taking some clients out to lunch and they order some beers. Well I followed suit. Next think you know I am drinking beers for lunch almost daily, and then a couple more before I got home. As this progressed I found that I enjoyed Vodka for my evening drinking pleasure. Fast forward about three years, and I am drinking 5 days a week, normally about 12-18 beers a day and then half a bottle of vodka at night. I would wake up in the morning still drunk, and roll down to the 7/11 to have some Mikes hard lemonade or a couple of those lime beers and a couple of donuts for breakfast.

I had empty cans and bottles throughout my office and my car hidden all over the place. I was a walking recycler. It took 3 or 4 drinks in the morning to get me going, then I would have a few for lunch and then off to the races every evening. Drinking consumed every aspect of my life. Looking back I realize that drinking had always played a major role in my life. It was really the only thing I ever looked forward to. Vacation...where is the bar..did we pack enough beer? Ballgame...we have to leave 5 hours early to tailgate. Wedding...open bar right?? Anywayd, my life had been based on getting drunk for as long as I could remember, and now I was living the dream.....or was I?

I started to realize my health getting worse, I always seemed tired and moody. I thought I had been depressed for the last 5-10- years, but I normally felt better drunk. But planning my days around drinking and staying loaded all of the time became a really hard job. But I realized as I would take a day or two off from drinking I would get pretty severe shakes, and I would have what felt to be anxiety attacks, shortness of breath, my toenails were dying, I had heart palpitations and pains on my sides. Now I have been known to be a bit of a hypochondriac in the past, but I was pretty sure my health was failing.

On the home front my wife noticed that I was always chewing gum and using mouthwash, and I promised her thousands of times over the years that I was gonna quit...someday...but I can't now because Octoberfest is coming or the holidays, or my birthday, or summer...I knew I could never really quit...what would I do with my life?I lied and had so many broken promises behind me what was a couple more??

Finally June 2010 2 days before my youngest sons Allstar baseball game the World Cup was being played. I played golf that morning with my brother and a friend, and I promised my wife I wouldn't drink and probably would even go watch the soccer game after golf, but I ended up sitting at a bar at 10AM. I texted saying I wasn't going to drink, to which she replied "sure". The text war began and I got completely wasted until 6AM the next day. When I got home she was gone....so I drank.

She showed up to the Allsatr game after spending 2 days at her sister's house, and I cleaned myself up and did not drink much before the ball game. As they were announcing my sons name on the loudspeaker as next up to bat, I started to feel like death coming on. I couldn't sit still. I thought I was having a stroke or a heart attack and had to start walking around the ball field because I had the shakes so bad. At that point I didn't care if I died, I just didn't want to ruin my sons big AllStar moment. Needless to say I got through that day and it scared the sober into me a little.

The following day I was sitting at my desk and my wife came in and said "you have to quit drinking". I said I know, but you will have to find me something other than AA. With that she slammed the door, and I google search everything I could find regarding sobriety and recovery and alcoholism. I had TRIED to stop many times over the last 2 years and really TRIED to moderated 100's of times over the last 20 years, but I just couldn't do it TRYING. I broke down crying here in front of my computer as I searched for my answer. I had tried herbs and hypnosis and changing drinks and drinking water to moderate....but I never just quit with the intention of quitting forever. Obviously that was never a real thought I had pondered because how could I live a happy fulfilled successful life without drinking?? That is why I woke up in the morning and went to work. I really thought at that time I was powerless....until I decided that I wanted to be sober.

I was at the point where I was still physically dependent and I was so metally obsessed with drinking that getting through day one was a nightmare. But I whiteknuckled and did it one hour at a time. As day 2 came on I started researching why I drank the way I did in the past and I started using a form of CBT that I remembered from an old Tony Robbins Peresonal Power tape from 20 years ago, and I remembered how bad I felt on the day of my sons Allstar game. I closed my eyes and relived those hours and it made me so sick I almost vomited. Then everytime I felt the urge to drink, I tried to get that feeling back. I basically made myself feel emotionally and physically ill everytime I thought about drinking. My next tool I used was I started imagining that all alcohol was warm urine. I did this because although I could make myself feel sick thinking about drinking, I would still see alcohol on TV or at a gathering and my mouth would water. Well by imagining that it was warm urine, and imagining the smell I almost forced myself to dry heave when I saw people drinking.....and I almost did the first party I attended at 1 week in to sobriety. Now many people will say stay away from "people places and things", but I could not lead a normal happy life without being around booze and people who drink it. I would have to throw my whole life and many friendships away. I had to learn to deal with it. This "urine" trick did the trick to make me not crave booze when I saw it.

Aside from those two tools I researched recovery and programs and read books every night so I could understand why I had my problems with alcohol in the past and how to best recover from the damage I had done to my brain and my body. On day 3 I started a vigorous workout program using the P90X system, and I would basically start my workouts when I was usually starting my drinking. I researched supplements and weightloss methods and began walking 5 miles a day with my dog and my wife.

Each week I got in better mental and physical shape, I repaired my relationship with my wife, and staying sober got easier although I was still obsessed with drinking. As I got past the first month people started recognizing changes in my appearance and in my attitude. I had people tell me I am such a nice person to be around, and I look like I was working out and it made me feel really good and continue on my path. Finally at 6 weeks I had a major breakthrough. A day passed where I did not have the urge to drink. It was like a miracle..like a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders. Everyday after that it got easier and easier. There is more to my story that I will write later on, but I have learned many methods and have become a success coach and learned hypnotherapy since I started this journey 15 months ago, and I am here to say that if I can learn to quit drinking and to enjoy sobriety anyone can do it.

See you all around!

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