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[amethyst74]

Hi Guys,I have been in and out of this forum for the past couple years. I am 37 y/0 and have progressively increased my nightly drinking for a bottle every night of wine. I trick myself by buying the little bottles (the Sutter Home Pinot Grigio they sell at the gas station) and think : "Oh today I will only have 2" but it never works out that way. I end up sometimes visting like 2 or 3 gas stations. It has become almost a compulsion. Funny we we trick ourselves. I will never just buy 1 big bottle. Even though cost wise it would be better. I live alone with my 16 y/o daughter and have lots of stresses over money etc. I also do not have many single friends and most of my hobbies have gone to crap. I used to exercise every day but lately I just look fwd to 5pm and am out by like 8:30 or 9. I have tried to do work on myself: Yoga, Accupuncture, Meditation. Exercise. I have even tried taking hormones because I suffer from PMDD and my drinking gets really bad right before my period. I have suffered from Anxiety and panic attacks since my teens and I have been on Antidepressant for like 10 years but lately all it does it get me to function at work but does nothing for the cravings. I have tried to get my self to AA but just am not sure it's for me. I keep thinking i am just going thru a rough patch. Maybe if I met someone but honestly I don't think I am in any shape for it. I REALLY want to quit. I have gained so much weight and my back aches and my headaches every day. I love my job bc I work with teens but I feel if i were sober I would be a much more effective, more present person. I also would connect with my daughter and myself on a deeper level. I am really scared. I don't want to go to rehab bc that is not an option right now. I just want to get the will power to stop. I need support but I don't wanna tell anyone in my family. If I can just go one day without having wine. The most I have gone in the past 2 years is probably 4 days. And thats only when I go to a seminar and am unable to drink. it's like I am my own worse enemy. I am sorry for rambling but if anyone has any insight or advice for me I would appreciate it.

Thanks
:new:

[Doggygirl]

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Thanks amethyst and :welcome:

I can relate to so much in your post. I too spent YEARS in the downward AL spiral just thinking and hoping that a change in circumstances (different job, boss, location, boyfriend, house, etc.) would change my destructive pattern of drinking. Well, wishing that way didn't change anything. My drinking just continued to get worse and worse, and more of my life was stolen by AL.

I can also identify with all the games we play acquiring our booze to try to fool ourselves and others that we are really "not that bad." For me, I didn't go for the "lots of smaller bottles because if they are small, I'm not drinking that much." However I DID go for the box of wine in the fridge because I couldn't see how much I was really drinking and it COULDN'T be THAT much, right? I also stopped at many different liquor stores and made comments like "we're hosting a big party this weekend!" so the clerks, whose opinion I must have valued greatly (:H) wouldn't catch on to how much I drank.

I see from your post that you feel you would benefit by having the support of others. Me too! I started out at My Way Out. I downloaded the book and ordered the "Starter Kit" of supplements and hypnosis CD's. I followed the diet and exercise recommendations. I still come here to the forum for support from others who are "just like me." I also added AA into the mix about 3.5 years ago. I really enjoy and benefit from the face to face support as well. Real people who I now hug on a regular basis and laugh with and do social things with, etc. No harm in checking it out - you won't know if it's really for you unless you do. I have found it very empowering to realize how "not alone" I really am with this.

Anyway....welcome and I look forward to getting to know you better. The Toolbox is a great place to start in addition to downloading the My Way Out book from the Health Store here.

DG

[sdlovespackers]

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:welcome:

You could have been writing a chapter from my life....I'm also 37, single mom (9 year old son) and was my own worst enemy. I also suffer from anxiety and depression and TOOK anti depressants...I day took because when I was honest with my doctor he took me off them wen he knew how much I was drinking. He then focused more on my anxiety, medication-wise. I however take GABA once a day to help with my mood and I LOVE IT!! I can totally tell if I miss a day!!
Honestly, I was doing the same things...going to different gas stations, liquor stores or groceries stores to buy my bottle(s) of wine...pinot grigio. I used to do what Doggy did...buy box, but that was when I drank Relax...Reisling has more calories than white wine (and being in a box) I drank A LOT more of that and had to switch to white because of the weight gain!! ORRRRRR I could have just stopped drinking....duh!!!!:H
Anyway...something finally just clicked...I can't even tell you exactly what it was...I read the MWO book...but this time around two other books as well....the first was Best Kept Secret by Amy Hatvany (COMPLETELY changed my life)...about a single mom...(just came out this past June).....the second book I read was The Easy Way to Stop Drinking by Allen Carr...a little different take on quitting drinking but good none-the-less...I still haven't touched a drop since reading either of these books and that will by 4 months ago on the 18th!! I remember the headaches everyday and the shaking hands...it's all gone....I feel so good waking up and feel so good that my son now has the mom he deserves!! BONUS: I've lost a lot of weight since I've stopped as well!! Another bonus: wine money can be spent on new clothes!!:H
I wish you the best on your journey!! Everyone here is wonderful and very supportive!! If you ever want to chat feel free to PM me and I'll be happy to help or answer any questions for you!!
SD

[Peacefull]

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:welcome:

I am starting again after many tries the past few years. I suffer from anxiety as well and self medicating makes it worse. Taking it one day at a time.

Look forward to getting to know you and follow you on this journey.

[Lavande]

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amethyst & Peaceful,

I have to tell you that I too suffered from crippling anxiety/depression. I was on Lexapro for a few years which made me feel numb & I still drank. I got fed up with all of that & dumped the Rx.
I have had great success using an OTC herbal prep called Amoryn.
AMORYN Mood Booster | Natural Antidepressant | Supplement for Depression & Anxiety

It didn't take long at all to work on me & I finally felt ready to quit my wine habit ~ that's when I found MWO

I hope the both of you find your way out soon. Take a look at the Amoryn ~ it's worth a try!

Lav

[Peacefull]

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Thanks Lavande, I will certainly check that out. I have tried many ad's but I am sensitive to the side effects. Amoryn may help the first while, when I was AF for 5 years I didn't have any anxiety, it was bliss - I will be AF again I just feel different this time. I have said that before but it really does feel different this time.

Peace