I have found over the past few years that I cannot maintain abstinence nor regulation through current menthods and I know, know, know, there is something wrong with my brain.
I am relativley but not capable of kicking this bitch.
I take Effexor, and Atenolol.
I want to hear about Topamax and the other supliments which help. I also want to make a planned attack but I get major anxiety problems when I am not drinking which scare the living shit out of me.
I'm also on Xanax at night time to put me out but I only take half, if that, of my dosage when I'm drinking. I have always suffered from insomia since I was a young child.
I used to eat too much and was bulimic when I was a teenager and turned to alcohol to stop this.
I think I may be bi-pilor 2 as the mother I take care of is severely bipolar with many other problems incuding diabetes and loads of other physiclogical problems. She is 72 and now has kidney problems as well.
When I go AF I have horrible thoughts and if I sleep, the dreams are horrific.
I need to pass out and come too. I am dying as I nearly had a total organ failure early this year and was in hospital for some time on "nil by mouth" whilst they worked out whether I should have my gall bladder out. Got realesed and I was find but the doctors said I was killing myself.
I'm still fully drinking and don't want to be here. I drink so much that without benzos, I will go through withdrawal that is just too much to go through again but NOT again.
I need a plan because I'm too scared.
WTF - I think I'm going to die which ofcourse I will. It would be nice to face the world without this crap on my back. I look like shit and it isn't doing anything for my self-confidence which just doesn't exist. I'm going to die without some help soon.
I'm 48 and a half.
Sorry, but I think this is a genetic and brain problem and I want help.
Anyone intersted, it would be appreciated if you replied to me. I'm a mess.
If you read all this, thank you.
Equivoque.
xxxxxx
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