it's hard to start off what I'd like to say here. so I'll just say it as is. pardon my spelling & grammar errors.
I have been with my bf for 6 years off and on. usually when things get to committed is when he tells me to leave. which usually happens when he is drunk.
here's the story & a few questions.
he's 40 years old & claims to have been an alcoholic since he was 9 years old. (we live in the NWT so it can be believable but not at the same time)
these past weeks have been trying on me & him to. arguments and one of us storming off.
this past week was one argument of him accusing me of fooling around with one of his friends (which, is his partner in the beer Olympics & is always at my house) I have never felt so grossed out before! I would never, ever think of doing something with his friend. he disgusts me to the point where I get up and walk away when he comes here.
I took off from the house crying so hard that I had my first anxiety attack, ever! I'm 28 years old.
I walked and walked & cried and cried. he called me on my cell and asked me 'are you done bugging out?'
I was like whoa! don't you remember? we just had a wicked argument! now I'm fighting to breathe & trying not to loose my mind. (we live in a small town of 2300 people. you can walk out the door & be in the bushes. so I was 100% sure no one would see or hear me)
I was fighting so hard for a breath I hung up on him. 5 minutes later, he comes riding his quad so drunk that he was whipping around the trails looking for me.
I got yelled at because I left the house & needed to be alone and for crying for no reason. (uh, hello? argument?!? was you're body there & you're mind took a hike?)
we talked, well I talked & he swayed.
and now tonight, I had all my stuff packed & again I get yelled at!
he turns everything around on me. make me look like I'm horrible & no one will love me like he does.
I start talking to him in a calm voice then he blows, yells that I have no ambition in life & that all I do is help my parents. (moms 56 dads 74 w/diabetes & bone problems)
apperantly, I don't want to help myself in any way. that i don't want a job & all I want to do is clean, look after my parents and sleep all day.
sure, I clean up at my parents place to help them. I cook and clean for him. he doesn't have to lift a finger in the house & this is the way he chooses to attack me?
it went on, but I've written a novel so I'll cut to it.
after all was said and done tonight, he asked me again 'are you done bugging out?'
he told me that 5 doctors have told him for a person that drinks as much as he does (more then 25 beer a week) that his liver, lungs and kidneys are doing great compared to someone else his age. he also claims the doctor said not to quit drinking, if he does he'll be dead in 2 years.
I do not believe this & any doctor that says this has got to be a dr nick riverea from the Simpsons!!
I understand all the signs & symptoms of stopping drinking as I have quit 5 years ago. I used to be an everyday drinker to the point where I'd lose days because of binges. there is prescription aids out there to help along.
is this a sign that he is too far gone & for me just to say see you later? I love this guy more then he knows. I really don't want to lose him in anyway but if it means he'll better himself then it may just be that way.
I'm worried that if I do go, that he'll lose himself completely (last time we broke up he went on a binge for a week & ended up getting beat up and missing work)
I think I needed to vent & thank you for reading this til' the end.
please, any comments or input will be greatly appreciated.
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