Here I go again...

[mauritiusdodo]

I have woken this morning in a complete state of depression, I really have reached the end of this road, AL is killing me slowly, draining my resources, destroying my life and soul and I HAVE to stop it, today is a new start for me, I have decided that I do not WANT to be this person any more, I hate myself and I can't see any positives in my life, I can't cope with life anymore, the slightest thing either scares, upsets of panics me and I have a horrible anxious feeling all the time, I owe it to myself and my family to make a real effort to quit this time, my efforts in the past have been mostly half hearted but today is my day 1 (again) and I am aiming for the 30 days this time.

I know that everyone is probably thinking here she goes again because I have tried and failed so many times but I feel different today, like I really want to get my life back so please everyone help me to do this , I really want to be sober :thanks:

I have changed my signature and plan to update it every morning, I am going to re-read the Jason Vale book and the tool box and will check in here as many times a day as I can, thanks for reading

[daisy45]

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Mauri, yes, I say, here she goes again - Thank God! Wouldn't you be in a worse place if you tried to soak all those feelings in alcohol instead. So as long as you keep trying, and trying, and trying......one day the trying will stop (hopefully this time) and then it will be doing!!!
Mauri, I have been back with my tail between my legs more times than I can count, but always glad I did; everyone understands. Stay strong - thinking of you..............

[cuckoosnest83]

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Mauri, I'm in the same place. I have tried and failed so many times but today I will not drink. When I get home from work tonight the first thing I will do is log in here. Please let's do this. I should be getting the Jason Vale book today.

[daisy45]

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Cuckoosnest, good job getting back on day one! Hope your book comes today - took me about 3 days to read it - haven't had a drink since!

[patrice]

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Keep going Mauri

I'm in the same place, its not good but knowing there is a better space and vibe to be in while we are alive heartens me

I'm with you on day 1

Take good care
Patrice

[mauritiusdodo]

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thanks everyone and good luck to you all


I have spent the morning shampooing the bedroom carpets and having a clear out of rubbish, DH and I have decided we are going to put our house on the market soon so loads of jobs to do in preparation! We really want to move closer to his work at the moment he has an hour commute each way and its really getting to him, we both hate where we live and need a change too!

I have just had a lovely healthy salad for lunch and an elderflower juice so feeling very virtuous and saintly LOL right, off to clean out more cupboards, will check back in later x

[lolab]

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Hi Mauri, cuckoo's and patrice. Listen to Daisy - keep trying!

I sure haven't racked up loads of AF time yet, but I will tell you that I am just starting day 29 today, and all of those things you put in your other thread Mauri? They're all happening already...I have lost weight, I feel healthy, I look way better, I have saved plenty of money already in a month, I am still working on that confidence and lust for life but I definitely am loving the way I feel.

I know 30 days seems like a lifetime in the beginning....I spent plenty of time before wide awake in the night saying out loud "I'm KILLING myself....I just can't have this stuff in the house!" I'd end up telling myself that if I bought some wine or vodka just to have a little when I wanted it, but then minute I got it home I'd pour a little and basically sip it til it was gone.

The "punter" thread has such wonderful inspiration in it....it made me go back and read more words of wisdom from Guitarista. I printed out a page with those 12 strategies that he posted, and other things that I've gathered from his and others posts. I keep it where I can read it any time I want or need to. What hits home with me may not be what hits home with you, but look around and you'll see inspiration all around you.

I like this one: "You ain't gonna undo twenty years of unhealthy thinking (and subsequent behaviours) by next Tuesday, so be patient, be courageous and don't give up."

And "take some time and space to seriously consider what your body, your health, your life and your overall reality might look like in five years if you continue on your current trajectory...."

and later in the thread "'Timely reminder that time does not stand still waiting for you to get your act together. Where would you be today if you had started 12 months ago???? Where will you be in 12 months if you don?t make that big decision and start whatever it is you wish to accomplish TODAY!"

If I take the time to really think about this - wow - it's extremely frightening. I've wasted too much time already - I'm not wasting any more. It'll never be like it was when I was young and silly and didn't care if I lost days to alcohol...it was all a joke to me. I'm older now and don't want to waste a moment. I don't want to stress my body, I don't want to shrink my brain, don't want to feel ashamed and hateful towards myself. I want to be proud of myself every night when I go to bed.

One of these times it's going to stick....make this time THAT time....don't waste another day or another week or before you know it? It'll be a year from now and you'll still be trying. Just make the decision and remember that with some effort, it'll be more and more rewarding and a lots easier as time goes by! :h

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...ter-53022.html

[windy]

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Hey Mauri,

I don't see it as starting over at all: It is just part of the process - The journey. Someday it will stick for you. I know it will.

Good luck.

[mauritiusdodo]

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Lolab you have made me cry! your post is lovely so inspiring and supportive thank you so much


Windy I think you are right and I really hope this is my time!

[patrice]

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What a fab post Lolab- it is so true

For me, these sage and wise and human words make such a huge difference... coupled with the healthy food, vitamins, exercise, water, fresh air and positive thoughts .. I am still working on a couple of these aspects ... but I truly think they are all so important in an individual way

Take Care
Patrice

[K9Lover]

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:l Mauri

Just keep trying, or as I like to say "never quit quitting". It will stick eventually. We've all been there. Nobody (ok, most people) don't get it the first (or 10th) time...just keep TRYING. Remember that you are lovely person that deserves a good life, without the stress and anxiety that AL brings. I gave in on cigarettes yesterday :durn: BUT, it's not over...I can pull up my boot straps and try again...and so can you. We are all rooting for you!!!

:h
K9

[mauritiusdodo]

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I will never quit quitting I promise

[Wagoneer]

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Best of luck to you Mauri - you can do this. I recently failed after 11 months sober and feel so sad. Let's do this together.

[retteacher]

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Mauri: I usually don't get around to the different forums very much, but I saw this thread & wanted to weigh in. I felt exactly the way you did many, many times when I was trying to give up drinking. I did finally stop on March 23 of '09. I'm so happy I did...my life is completely different.

Before I stopped I was riddled w/guilt, shame, remorse, fear, & a lot of other emotions I can barely name. It's been a long time now since I've felt that way. The daily drinking I was doing was truly a slow death for me.

Three things have helped me stay sober:
1. AA
2. MWO
3. Remembering the wreckage my life was while drinking.

Good luck!

Mary

[nollie]

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Thanks to you all, I too was beating myself up about drinking again on day 4. Windy, you've helped me see that I haven't failed, it's part of the journey and I WILL get there in the end. I shouldn't be so hard on myself and should celebrate the fact that I've only had 3 drinks in 5 days, normally I'd've had at least 25-30 drinks by now.