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    #61
    What do you hope to gain?

    hey HEAD UP ARSES GUYS glad to hear all our heads are talking so must be finally out of our arses.

    day 11 here and what a difference no AL makes. Now i am waking up and seeing the day not dreading the day and what lays ahead. i think the driving to work was the worst, god peak hour and hoping i did not hit anyone. not missing that stressor in my life.

    no coffee in Aus, bugger good thing the cafe is just down on the ground floor.

    have a great one guys and friday here so no AL tonight and i am not evening craving so that is good.
    AF free 1st December 2013 - 1st December 2022 - 9 years of freedom

    Comment

      #62
      What do you hope to gain?

      So - here is a seriously PISSY post-day 13 Test of Will. I don't have any physical urge for a drink. Not a lick of one.

      But I am about as upset and pissed off as one adult human can be for MAJOR F'ing reasons- personal and professional. Really - there weren't this many reasons when I rattled off what was going on to my Shrink - and she dropped her pen and said most people would have had a complete and utter break down. And there's at least several more gigantic doozies now...

      And here I sit. I'm drinking the relaxation tea. I'm taking the supplements. I'm waiting for the tea and the supplements to kick and chill me out. I think I mentioned I was pissed and upset?! I pulled up this thread because I had to remind myself why I hit bottom - why waking up checking the phone log to see who I called, praying to remember WTF we'd talked about, checking FB at 3 am to see what I had done...and to see what everyone had gone before me and said they hoped to gain.

      Because I'm so DAYUM MAD and so DAYUM UPSET - my normal behavior would be to go up to the store and get some vino. I'm off tomorrow - hangover schmangover right?

      WRONG. I'm going to fight this off. I WILL BE STRONGER THAN AL. I WILL BE STRONGER THAN HABIT.

      SO here goes you freekin' Mind Stealing Alien - I have allowed you to steal enough of my life. There are days and nights I'll never get back. There are things I've said I can't take back.

      No one but me poured you down my throat. I own it. I own every headache. Every upset stomach. Every feeling I hurt. Ever carpet I stained. Every bruise I woke up with that I couldn't explain. I own every regret.

      So - here I am. Flawed. Cracked. But I am unbroken. You will NOT break me. I promised I'd make November 25th AL free and so help me God - I don't intend to fail.

      For all the reasons that everyone ahead of me put on this post - it's a thread of possibilities and shame and regrets. It's a thread of dreams. And I will NOT let you steal them. Not again. Not tonight.

      No matter how angry and upset I am.

      Take that you rat bastard.

      You can take the Monkey Chatter and shove it square up your arse. Use the ground glass. And skip the vaseline. I've done that for years. You tell me how you like it.

      Freekin' Pissant.
      That popping sound you hear is me attempting to remove my head from my arse. It's been there for years so this may take a while.
      Admitting I need healing. And I am not big enough to do this alone.
      AF - August 20, 2012

      Comment

        #63
        What do you hope to gain?

        well PF said like a true HEADS UP ARSES member. i have yet to be really stressed or angry and that is good as like u AL would have been my first thought and my last and woops that was it shattered again and back to square one. You go and get to the 25th and we will all be here to celebrate with you. I am sure u can find some arse to shove that monkey up other than yours. if not i have a few ppl i know who i would appreciate giving it to.

        well done and keep at it.
        ps rant and rave all you want, makes a good read from my perspective lol
        AF free 1st December 2013 - 1st December 2022 - 9 years of freedom

        Comment

          #64
          What do you hope to gain?

          To play the piano and flute again.
          Don't worry, be happy!

          Comment

            #65
            What do you hope to gain?

            Currently resisting the temptation to go get my head stuck up my arse. Aargh! No reason - just it's Friday. I know if I do, it will be the whole weekend gone and I'll feel poopy so I'm not going to.
            Just saying!
            You were born with wings, why prefer to crawl through life? Rumi

            :lilangel:

            Comment

              #66
              What do you hope to gain?

              CantBelieveI'mStillAtIt;1207007 wrote: Currently resisting the temptation to go get my head stuck up my arse. Aargh! No reason - just it's Friday. I know if I do, it will be the whole weekend gone and I'll feel poopy so I'm not going to.
              Just saying!
              That's why we are here for each other. Brew up some herbal tea, take a glutamine and some amino's, apply nest butt Velcro and hang on. We got you. Don't let go.
              That popping sound you hear is me attempting to remove my head from my arse. It's been there for years so this may take a while.
              Admitting I need healing. And I am not big enough to do this alone.
              AF - August 20, 2012

              Comment

                #67
                What do you hope to gain?

                Thanks Prairie

                I did get through it - that voice was really nagging me tonight. Funny because I was so tired, I probably could have gone to bed at 7pm and slept right through. Think I will next time. Forgot about L-glut which was silly. Did have herbal tea though. Guess that butt velcro did the trick! Currently in the wide awake club but that's ok as I'll just read MOW and get inspired until sleep calls again. Appreciate the support x
                You were born with wings, why prefer to crawl through life? Rumi

                :lilangel:

                Comment

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