Binge Drinker Getting Worse

[Ellaq]

I have always been a binge drinker. In the past I was able to go long periods without drinking at all and that doesn't include 3 pregnancies. But lately I feel that my binge drinking is getting way out of hand.

Our lifestyle is unique and probably making my drinking worse. My husband works away for 2 weeks at a time and home for 1 week. During the time he is away I am pretty much the perfect mother. Alcohol has no part of my life. However when he comes back I binge drink. I have 3 children and it is just so wrong. I go to bed drunk if I haven't already passed out on the sofa. My husband always wakes me so that the kids don't find me in the morning. I might binge drink for a few days and then I return back to my sober self for most of the rest of his break. I know I need to find another stress reliever but I have been drinking now for 15 years and it will be a hard habit to break.

I was going to try to be sober for October but looking back I have probably drunk more this month that I ever have. I also drink too much diet soft drink too. I feel like my body is crying out for a break.

I don't want to drink and I don't want to dread my husband coming home because I am afraid of my own weakness.

I just wanted to put this down so I can read it back when I am feeling weak.

[sunshinetoday]

Binge Drinker Getting Worse

Just wanted to say welcome!
There's a lot of threads here to look at, and lots of support.

[mauritiusdodo]

Binge Drinker Getting Worse

Hi ellaq and :welcome: you will find lots of help and support on here, I am relatively new and failed at least a million times already but on day two today of the 30 day AF challenge

Can I ask do you have a good relationship with your hubby and does he drink at all? (just wondering why you drink when he comes home - if its a celebration or to 'escape') sorry if that is a really nosy question :blush:

[Ellaq]

Binge Drinker Getting Worse

Hi Mauritiusdodo.

I drink to escape. And I really enjoy the release that it gives me. I have a great relationship with my husband but unfortunately he enables my drinking. He drinks too but not like me. He feels guilty for the time spent away from the family, he knows how hard it is for me bringing up 3 children far from my family and home.

My father is a binge drinker too so I know how my children will feel if I cannot knock it on the head. My father is now dying of pancreatitis at the age of 56.

My drink tracker looks bad because my husband has been home a lot this month. He is now gone for 2 weeks. I think I may struggle a tiny bit of the next 2 weekends but my real struggle will come the day he comes home. I just hope that I find the strength to get through the first 2 days AF on his break.

[Lavande]

Binge Drinker Getting Worse

Hi Ellaq,

Welcome to MWO, this is a good place

Have you read the MWO book yet? You can download it right from the Health store here. It has a lot of good info about the program.

You need to make a good plan to get & stay sober. Look in the https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html for lots of great ideas.
Binge drinking to 'escape' is a habit that you've learned somewhere along the line. You can replace that with a new, healthier habit such as exercise, meditation, etc.
I fell into a lot of bad habits too & have unlearned them - you can too

Wishing you the best!

Lav

[DriftyAlison0]

Binge Drinker Getting Worse

Take it odaat and set up a plan. Read the https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html and get a support group both online and offline. And one last thing, let everyone know that you quit drinking.

[Doggygirl]

Binge Drinker Getting Worse

Hi Eallaq and welcome. I too have a husband who can drink one or two and stop. I have never been able to do that.

Have you ever talked candidly with your husband about your concerns? If so, how did that go? If not, is it something you could talk to him about, and ask him for his support? Then devise a good sobriety plan, with special focus on what to do when he comes home?

My husband is an integral part of my sober support system. I know it doesn't work that way for everyone. And there are plenty of people who manage to quit drinking without a lot of spouse support. BUT...if you CAN get it, it's great.

DG

[Ellaq]

Binge Drinker Getting Worse

Thanks for the replies. My husband would be happy to help me cut back. I do think that his greatest fear is that I turn into a teetotaller who then nags him about every drink he has. A bit like his parents relationship.

Looking back at my previous posts I see that I have a way to go. I have just realised that using his time away is just an excuse to drink. If he didn't work away and was home everynight I would find another reason to drink then. In an ideal world I would like to moderate but I don't think that it will be in my nature. None of my friends or family know that I drink to this extent.

[mauritiusdodo]

Binge Drinker Getting Worse

Ellaq we have a lot of similarities - my hubby enables my drinking too, to the point where I feel his drinking has got out of hand from joining me and I feel very guilty about that :blush: before he met me he liked a drink when he went out but we have got to the point of drinking all the time at home, he recently went on a weight loss programme and stopped drinking for a month whilst I carried blithely on alone :blush: I do think like your dh he is 'worried' about me becoming an ex-drinker and nagging him about enjoying the odd few too as he will say things like 'oh i think it is unrealistic for you to be teetotal' which doesn't help me in the long run! My friends and family have seen me very drunk on occasions but don't realise how much i really put away on a regular basis :blush:

I use any and every excuse in the book so I see where you are coming from with that, could you maybe try for the 30 days sober plan to begin with and see how you get on? I am on day 3 today

Best of luck whatever you decide

[Ellaq]

Binge Drinker Getting Worse

My husband has also says that it is unrealistic for me to be teetotal. He would rather I moderate. He drinks when he is away but no more than 2 beers at a time. When he drinks too he likes to have a beer while he potters around the garden or polishing the cars. He doesn't sit down and drink to get drunk.

12 days till he comes home and that is when my struggle begins. But I am strong and determined to be AF next visit. I am planning to take it one break at a time.

[mauritiusdodo]

Binge Drinker Getting Worse

Ellaq;1198167 wrote: My husband has also says that it is unrealistic for me to be teetotal. He would rather I moderate. He drinks when he is away but no more than 2 beers at a time. When he drinks too he likes to have a beer while he potters around the garden or polishing the cars. He doesn't sit down and drink to get drunk.

12 days till he comes home and that is when my struggle begins. But I am strong and determined to be AF next visit. I am planning to take it one break at a time.

Do you always drink to get drunk because that is always my aim and why I KNOW I can't moderate, I don't see the point of drinking if I can only have 'a couple' (and I know that is sad :blush My hubby doesn't get it but I guess that is because he doesn't really have a problem with al !

[Ellaq]

Binge Drinker Getting Worse

I mostly drink to get drunk. When he comes home I just want to get drunk and not have to think about the house and the kid related stuff. I just want to get drunk and release the tension inside myself. I don't start drinking till the evening and drink fast so that by midnight I am passed out drunk. The next morning he has to bring the kids to school because while I am hungover I reckon I am still close to the legal limit. Then that day I will want to kill the hangover so I will have another drink later in the day and get drunk again. Then that is usually it. A cycle which I hate.

I need to learn how to destress in a more positive way.

I can only moderate when I am around family and friends. There have been times when I have had visitors for months at a time and I have moderated. But secretly I was lamenting the fact that I couldn't get drunk the whole time.

[Sunbeam]

Binge Drinker Getting Worse

Ellaq, this binge drinking is a different kind of thing. I don't identify with people who struggle through day 1,2 etc. I learned to drink moderately for a couple of years, but old habits gradually re-emerged. I ended up mostly drinking alone. Now I don't drink at all because it is much easier than stopping after a glass or two. I have my life back.

[Ellaq]

Binge Drinker Getting Worse

Yes, I reckon that while I moderate I am always just a small step away from the binge. And one binge will probably led straight back to my current lifestyle.

I don't want to say I am AF for x days. Because if I can get AF on my husbands next break then I will easily clock up over 30 days but I don't think it is the same as someone who drinks daily and gets through those 30 days.

[Doggygirl]

Binge Drinker Getting Worse

Hi Ellaq and others. I just want to comment on the issue of non addicted spouses not really understanding that we are addicted, and what addiction means.

My truth is that is doesn't matter how hard my husband might wish for me to be able to have a glass of champagne with him on New Years Eve, or to have a beer with him after his dog trial, or to have a margarita with him on his Cinco de Mayo birthday. Wishing for me to be a "normal" drinking buddy WILL NOT MAKE IT POSSIBLE. It is NOT possible for me to drink normally. One drink leads me straight into my addictive drinking. My husband could say all day long "well, just don't drink more than two" or whatever. "Well, just only drink on the weekends." Etc. If I could will myself into drinking like that, I would have done it a long time ago. Drinking in a normal way is simply not possible for me. That is ONE thing he has GOT to understand in order for us to live together.

Whatever level of support you are or are not able to get from your spouses, I really encourage you to consider seeking some education for your spouses so at least they understand the absolute truth of the situation. Sometimes husbands need to hear it from a 3rd party - at least mine does.

DG