The upcoming holiday season...

[lolab]

I've thought a bit about the holidays....it's scary to think about not drinking. The holidays are an excuse to drink....I've gotten up to prepare holiday meals for years and started drinking when I opened the wine to cook with it.....I have visions of chilly nights drinking egg nog and decorationg (I've never even HAD egg nog!) In my mind, it's all a wonderful warm memory...but I've been spending some time breaking it down into reality...

the reality is that I mess something up with the meal because I've had just a little (or alot!) too much...most of my family/guests end up cleaning up, because I'm too scattered...I fall asleep on the couch at the end of the day - claiming "exhaustion"....while my boy fends for himself and the house is still a mess...I feel like crap the next day and start all over because it's still holiday season...I can't wait to get all the wonderful decorations put away at the end of the season because I'm just annoyed with it all and overwhelmed by absolutely everything.

The past couple years my drinking had escalated so that I wasn't even that well prepared with gifts for the people I love...and last year I truly spent most of my son's Christmas vacation - drinking from morning til night. I filled water bottles with vodka to take with me when we visited family...

So with this reality - I hate that the alcohol has everything blurred into some kind of nice feeling in my memory...I'm having trouble with the words, but I know you get it...the same thing that makes you think all those great drunk vacations and warm summer nights drinking wine were great times too....we only remember the short period of warm fuzzies I guess...

What are the "realities" of your holidays? And how are you planning to keep alcohol out of the equation?...I want to stay on top of this so I won't be lured by that lying voice....

lola

[Doggygirl]

The upcoming holiday season...

Hi lolab! This is a great topic and IMO, coming at a great time. I saw CHRISMAS DECORATIONS in Target yesterday. :egad::nutso:

My holidays were for many years exactly as you describe. Of course they got progressively worse over the years as my drinking continued to escalate, but it was always a variation on the same theme. Holidays were a MAJOR excuse to drop any effort of control on my drinking, and just drink like a crazy woman.

* Drinking from morning to pass out, regardless of what family or other activities were going on.
* Ensuring a consistent supply of booze no matter where I was going.
* I liked hosting lots of family events rather than going to other people's homes - mainly so I didn't feel guilty drinking like a fish
* Chaos reigned as the day wore on - what a mess of food, dishes, etc. with me retiring early from "exhaustion." :H
* Ignoring the disappointment/fear/disgust in my husbands eyes.
* Feeling guilt and remorse each day that could only be drowned out with more AL.

Oy. Not pretty. The glammed up pictures of a nice holiday setting with "a" drink (:H) cross my mind too. But for me it's all bullshit and I need to remember that. Threads like this help!

I always have a strategy in mind for boozy events. This years holidays will be no different. Some non-family events will be passed up. Family events where booze will be flowing will be managed as I manage all such events - with a plan going in to ensure that I won't drink.

The first AF year, this seemed particularly frightening. But then I realized that booze + Christmas is really no different than Booze + anything else. Just more tinsel on it. But the same strategies that keep me sober all year long keep me sober through the holidays too. So now I don't get nervous about it any more. But I sure did the first year or two. I guess that is a normal part of the recovery process!

DG

[universal]

The upcoming holiday season...

I was sober through the holidays last year. It was okay actually - I just didn't think about it. Even though the AL was flowing freely I came prepared with non alcoholic drinks. New Years was a quiet night at home and we had non alcoholic champagne at midnight - it was quite good actually.

It's definitly a hard thing to think about but it can be done. Just by remembering the "I don't drink" philosophy. For me, my friends and family know about my problem so that makes it a little easier.

Good topic though - I'm sure you will get lots of ideas and responses. I personally really enjoyed gingerale with OJ. Felt like I was part of it but managed to keep myself sane.

Good luck!

[windy]

The upcoming holiday season...

Thanks LolaB for starting this tread as it has been on my mind too.

Looking back over Christmas photos and remembering "that was a nasty hangover" is really not what those pictures are supposed to represent, but that's what pops in my mind sometimes when I look at them. No more. I plan on drinking sparking water mixed with any kind of fruit juice in a champagne glass, or iced tea mixed with lemon aide. I think long walks in the snow would be helpful. Also, getting out and enjoying some holiday activities in the evening would be a good diversion. In the past there is no leaving the house after 6:30 p.m.

But I am worried about the upcoming season and I really want to just enjoy it. My biggest worry is probably the sit-down dinner at my husband's bosses' house or restaurant. Everyone has wine and I don't think there is much deviation from that or many other options. I have already been stressing as to what would be the best thing to do. I have thought about out and out lying and saying I am on meds. I know -- We've all heard that before -- but I think it's a good one. Honestly, though I WANT to be able to say "I don't drink anymore because it makes me feel like Sh(#". But this is an awkward crowd, if you know what I mean, because it is "work".

Any other situation will be handled with the honest answer, but do you think in some situations, streatchin the truth is reasonable? I guess I am on meds anyway...Do HRT's count?? A little stretch of the truth??

I am truly looking forward to the rest of the Holiday Season -- being sober and taking part, and maybe starting some new traditions.

[Doggygirl]

The upcoming holiday season...

Windy, your scenario about the work related dinner brought a very vivid picture to mind. Back when I attended many many of those functions, I was still drinking (too much!). However, I vividly recall people placing a small napkin on top of their wine glass so none would automatically be poured by the waiter. I also remember people turning their wineglass over so no wine would autmatically be poured. I only remember this because of the mention of holiday work dinners, and how to say no. I never even questioned this. I certainly never said "WHAT?? NO WINE??" in the middle of a nice dinner. I think those might be ways to prevent any automatic pouring without saying a word.

As far as feeling the need to have a "reason" in hand for not drinking, say whatever you feel comfortable saying to achieve the desired result is my opinion. I am very comfortable saying "I don't drink" if asked. And I'm hardly ever asked. BUT... I also understand how odd that seems at first. And it's definitely a good idea to have SOMETHING prepared so you can work through it without drinking. "No thanks I'm on meds" is as good as any I think.

All just IMO, of course!

DG

[lolab]

The upcoming holiday season...

Hi doggie...that's exactly where I a going to have the tough time...my family. I love them but they stress me out - LOL! I will definitely have to have drinks here for them - and I "feel" tat I'll be ok staying away from it, but I'm struggling alittle with what my actual "plan" will be...I know I'll have plenty of my standby selzer to sip...hmm....I will have to be sure to not get so busy that I don't eat...but other than that - what?

Universal, that sounds good...maybe I'll try the natural sierra mist with OJ. I have tried very hard to not feel that I always have to have a "drink" in my hand or somewhere within reach. I don't want to substitute - it ddn't seem like that was really breaking the pattern for me, earlier this year....I drank so many 'substitutes" in a desperate attempt to stay away from alcohol, that I don't think I ever really got away from the habit...(and I was up all night using the potty!)

gosh, Windy...it's so funny that we have quit dates within one day of each other...because the two of us are constantly identifying with each others' posts. The hangovers in the photos...not attending holiday activities - no evening activities....on second thought - you are most likely expressing the thoughts of so many around here besides me - you are just really good at putting it out there so I identify with it! :-)

I love what doggy said "whatever you feel comfortable saying to achieve the desired result"...I will - for sure have some moments with fairly close friends - who didn't realize the problem that I know of....and I plan to laugh it off with the busy-ness of the holiday season and not being able to afford feeling like crap for even one day...

hmmmm....now what to do about the people that - every year - buy me wine stoppers, or charms, or bottles, or everything else to do with alcohol! LOL.

[Lavande]

The upcoming holiday season...

lolab,

I am looking forward to my third holiday season AF
It's even better than you can imagine!!! Don't let fear throw you off course, yuo are doing great!
A simple 'no thanks' should suffice when offered wine. If not, like DG said 'I'm on medicine or I feel better when I don't drink' should do. We don't owe anyone an explanation of why we are not drinking' I think it's no one's business but yours

My gifts have turned out nicer, my meals have been nicer & best of all I've had no hangovers or guilt to deal with. What better gift can you give yourself?

Lav

[crimsons]

The upcoming holiday season...

This only applies to one aspect of holiday non-drinking, which is avoiding notice. I heard a podcast today about dieting, where the nutritionist was talking about cocktail parties. He rarely drinks himself, but talked about a psych study that revealed people are uncomfortable when others are not mirroring behavior. Meaning that if someone is standing around with hands in pockets, instead of holding and sipping a bev, it makes everyone else uncomfy. He had a great suggestion, which was to get a mystery NA bev, and then confide in the bartender or waiter that I will just ask for another one, at which point, I want the same soda/lime or Pepsi. Also the poster above talking about turning over the wine glass is perfect. As Lavande says, no explanation is owed, but "I just don't want any right now" or "I've got a hankering for a cool soda water" is honest and good as any.

[BlondeAFAmbition]

The upcoming holiday season...

This is a great post! I just made a comment in the Nest about holiday non-drinking plans since this is Day 1 for me (again) and I am making this decision right before the holidays. As I was reading this thread, it occurs to me that I will be trully grateful this Thanksgiving for the gift of sobriety. The gift of better health. The gift of freedom. And there is so much to be grateful for when you decide to get AL out of your life!

I see that I am not alone with the romantic and idyllic thoughts of having a glass of wine while sitting by the fire or putting up the Christmas tree. But like DG says, that is just BS. I have to think of all those years that we had high hopes of decorating the tree in one night but just to get it up straight while buzzed was an accomplishment! This year will be different. I am actually making ornaments today...lol. My tree is seashell-themed and I am gluing shells onto round ornaments...will post pics once I'm done . Thank goddess for glue guns.

Anyway, back to not drinking during the holidays...I, like many of you, have switched over to seltzer. I think seltzer with a splash of cranberry juice, a lime wedge and a few fresh cranberries thrown in will make a festive, non-AL cocktail that can share some real estate in my champagne glasses better than any vintage will! Think of all the calories we will save by not drinking AL, in addition to no more horrible Thanksgiving and Christmas hangovers. Yes please!

[Doggygirl]

The upcoming holiday season...

Blonde - I can't wait to see the pics of your theme tree with the hand decorated ornaments!

I can *wish* all day long to be a normal drinker. Wishing won't make it so. I might as well just accept that and move on, right?

DG

[Nelz]

The upcoming holiday season...

BlondeAFAmbition;1202077 wrote: This is a great post! I just made a comment in the Nest about holiday non-drinking plans since this is Day 1 for me (again) and I am making this decision right before the holidays. As I was reading this thread, it occurs to me that I will be trully grateful this Thanksgiving for the gift of sobriety. The gift of better health. The gift of freedom. And there is so much to be grateful for when you decide to get AL out of your life!

I see that I am not alone with the romantic and idyllic thoughts of having a glass of wine while sitting by the fire or putting up the Christmas tree. But like DG says, that is just BS. I have to think of all those years that we had high hopes of decorating the tree in one night but just to get it up straight while buzzed was an accomplishment! This year will be different. I am actually making ornaments today...lol. My tree is seashell-themed and I am gluing shells onto round ornaments...will post pics once I'm done . Thank goddess for glue guns.

Anyway, back to not drinking during the holidays...I, like many of you, have switched over to seltzer. I think seltzer with a splash of cranberry juice, a lime wedge and a few fresh cranberries thrown in will make a festive, non-AL cocktail that can share some real estate in my champagne glasses better than any vintage will! Think of all the calories we will save by not drinking AL, in addition to no more horrible Thanksgiving and Christmas hangovers. Yes please!

One of the ways being AL free for the holidays will be a bit easier.....the way seltzer water "bites" while its going down, makes it almost like a beer for me. Ive become much more healthy eating aware since Ive stopped drinking.

I do my best not to put any "empty calories" in my body, and AL is number one on my list of no no's.


I think most people will be very supportive of my decision to stay AF, and it wont be a big deal. Its getting a little easier to watch people drink, and not do it myself. Ill just excuse myself for a bit if it becomes a problem.

GL to all of us this holiday season

[mightymite]

The upcoming holiday season...

Blonde, your non-al drink sounds yummy. Think I'll try that and by putting it into a nice glass will make it even more special.
Nelz, I like the idea of excusing myself if it becomes a bit too hard. I am hosting TG this year and it will be a first without al. I am nervous but actually a little excited to see how I handle it af. Thanks for the idea.

[lolab]

The upcoming holiday season...

oh yeah fresh cranberries sounds great! And Nelz and mighty - excusing yourself should be no biggie right? heck I used to sneak out for extra alcohol anyway....if nobody caught that, then this'll be a piece of cake...;-)

[sunshine&rainbow]

The upcoming holiday season...

I also have this romantic idea of drinking Baileys at christmas while sitting on front of a big log fire, wearing new pj's watching my family excitedly, but quietly opening there presents before we all go for a walk in the snow as a happy family on tv does. What a load of crap, my kids just want to see what I got them as quickly as possible, then check each others gifts to make sure that "he didnt get more", why this is going on, Im probably in the kitchen making breakfast and thats where I stay for most of the day because the rest of my family all come here for dinner. Also I have never bought a bottle of Baileys and I dont have a log fire. I have had a few AF christmases and they beat drunk ones anyday, at the end of the day when everyone else has gone home I can slump in front of the tv with my youngest son who is now 12 and he can tell me what a good day hes had. Thats what makes me happy.

[Doggygirl]

The upcoming holiday season...

S&fR (), you hit the nail on the head about Christmas!!! Only difference for me is that my dog sits next to me at the end of the day. I'm sure he's had a great day, but I can't understand a thing he's saying. :H

Holiday Illussions. You are right - it's way better AF.

DG