I need advice

[mightymite]

I need advice

Windy, I think he is just in denial and it will take him some time to realize the severity of the problem. When we were talking we discussed our trip to Key West in Feb. Yikes! I told him I cannot drink down there and he said, well, maybe you can have just a beer. I said NO I can't! He chuckled and said, boy, I guess I am letting you off the hook already. So we discussed what we can do down there instead of drinking. I said we will wake up feeling good and can play tennis and take walks and do all kinds of activities. When in the past on vacation I would be so hungover I wouldn't be able to do anything but drink. One other thing we talked about that may ring true for others. I have a very high risk of ovarian and breast cancer. I have had 2 major preventative surgeries to reduce my risk of both. He could not understand how I can do so much to prevent cancer but can drink and possibly have major health problems due to drinking. I told him that is the hold that alcohol has on me. It doesn't allow you to think rationally.

[JackieClaire]

I need advice

Mightymite,

Doing a very happy dance here. What a fantastic partnership you and your husband going to be fighting this together.

This is more or less what was said between me and my husband over 2 years ago.

I told him I would not make promises but that all I can do is try and he was fine with that.

Day 5 :goodjob:

J x
:l

[mama bear]

I need advice

I am so happy for you Might Mite....my hiusband is my rock AND my warden:H

[retteacher]

I need advice

MM: I too tried & tried to do it alone. I relapsed constantly. It was only when I admitted to myself & my husband that I was an alcoholic that I could do anything about my situation. I started going to AA meetings, hearing my own story from others, making friends, building a support system that I could finally stop for good. My husband now goes w/me to meetings from time to time. He understands that I cannot drink safely. He too can take a drink & stop at 1 or 2. Mary

[mightymite]

I need advice

Thank you all for your support. I am feeling stronger everyday and see such promise on the horizon and look forward to the future.
Mightymite

[shueaddict]

I need advice

Out of all threads and all days I simply had to read this one today.

Today is the day I decided to tell my husband that I need help, his help. I have been trying on my own since July and obviously it hasn?t taken me very far ?I had another black out last night. I did not want to have the talk in the morning, he will not take me seriously, simply thinking I have a bad hangover; I will wait until tonight.

I am scared ? I don?t know how much of it all to tell him ? too little, like ?I just want to lay off AL for a while to lose weight and gain health? will probably not do. Too much ? like how I used to drink a bottle a night on a regular basis, drove our son, blacked out so many nights - I am afraid he would be mad with me for not using any common sense.

I am also afraid he would get angry ? angry at me for being so stupid, angry, because let?s face it, no one wants to be married to an alcoholic.

Ohhh ? any thoughts?

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

I need advice

Shue, you didnt choose to become an alcoholic, none of us did and as you know common sense goes out the window when the mist of AL descends. Beating yourself up over your past behaviour serves no useful purpose but to remind us why we never want to go back there. It is hard but I think you should come clean with your husband, tell him everything and tell him you want to stop this madness now and you need him to be there for you every step of the way.

[mightymite]

I need advice

Hey Shue, I was terrified too to tell my hubby but I am sooooo glad I did. He did not know how bad it was for me. I never hid anything from him, he was around for all of the ugly but I don't think he realized how truly miserable I was. He is my rock and he is not drinking either because he wants to make as easy for me as possible. Not that he drinks very much at all. A few beers here and there. I agree with KTAB that you should come clean. You should not do this alone. It is too hard and we all need support. I had a tough day yesterday. We had been trying to get together with some neighbors for some time and they called yesterday and wanted to come over. I was not in the mood to entertain plus I had no food in the house to share and did not want to go to the store. But I told my hubby that the only way I could do this was if I could have some wine. Well he suggested calling them off and "planning" a date with them next weekend. I said that would work. It would give me time to mentally prepare so I would not drink when they came. So, you see, if it wasn't for him helping me to work it out, I would definitely have caved. I wish you strength and good luck.

[lolab]

I need advice

Hi Shue...I agree too...I have been trying to quit for the majority of 2011. I actually made over 30 days back in Feb/March but it was very hard...I didn't tell my husband and thus there was alcohol around me all the time. in retrospect I don't know how I didn it...

I went back to drinking in April and kept going - trying to quit - until late Sept....when I talked with my husband. now he is not drinking at home either. It has made a world of difference! He actually agreed with me - and said that it was getting a bit habitual with him, too....to unwind with a couple glasses of wine in the evening. You can tell him you need his help to quit so that you can work on your relationship - as in not falling asleep "too early" every night??? I bet he'll be more than happy to help...

Best of luck to you.

[shueaddict]

I need advice

Many thanks, guys,

I need to bite the bullet on this one but I feel such shame. I know I did not choose to be addicted but I did choose to have the first drink yesterday.

I know DHwill be there for me, but I find it so hard though to completely open the doors to the past. I think he already worries about my drinking and I hope that me opening up first will just make it easier.

I have seen my dear girlfriend trying very hard to curb her hubby?s drinking and the judgmental look on her face, her disappointment, her complete lack of understanding how he simply cannot stop until the bottle is gone. I would hate to see that look on my DH.

I?ll let you know later how it went, I am at the office now, gathering courage and thinking hard about what to say.


Ktab ? Hubby is Irish too, me not, yet everyone expects him to be the heavy drinker in the family

Lola ? the ?falling asleep? really early is indeed a great incentive . Wink wink. Incidentally ? the black outs are probably what I hate the most about my drinking. It makes no sense, I am such a control freak with everything else in my life, yet ? I allow myself to completely lose it?

Mighty ? ohh , how I envy those people who can just carry around one glass of wine the entire evening, sipping then forgetting all about it.

[mightymite]

I need advice

yea, I know shue, but I want the whole f***'n bottle.

Hey, Happy Halloween everyone!

[mya]

I need advice

Oh how this thread is my life!
I too need to talk to DH but I need the courage to do so. My drinking has caused so much in our relationship.
For example a couple of months back someone said my husband cheated on me turns out it was all lies and the person who started it is a habitual lier. And the time he was "cheating" on me he was me and my son out of town.
Well so now when I drink all kinds of stuff runs through my head and so I get all ballsy and accuse DH of terrible things. Why can't I stop? I'm almost at the end of Day 1 (again!)

[shueaddict]

I need advice

Well, I came clean to hubby last night, told him about the black outs, not being able to stop once I start drinking, wanting more and more and having to watch and pace myself while out on social occasions ? I also told him about MWO and reading Jason Vale. It felt liberating ? he wants me to write down my goal and he will help me stick to it.

He said that he is one of the people who can take or leave it, I told him that I am most definitely not in that category and the lack of control is killing me.

The truly odd thing is that he did not notice anything about me on the times that I blacked out, being the peaceful drunk that I am, always cleaning up the kitchen, brushing my teeth etc ? all of which I don?t remember the next day. He was shocked to hear that I don?t remember saying good bye to our guests on Sunday night.

I really do not want to go back there again.
Many thanks for your support

[JackieClaire]

I need advice

Shue,

What a lovely post to see first thing on a Tuesday morning.

Believe me I know that it can't have been easy but you and your husband will make a formidable team.

I'm so pleased that MM started this thread as it seems to have given courage to more than a few to enlist the help of their partners.

J x
:l

[mightymite]

I need advice

Good morning Shue and everyone,
Congratulation Shue in telling your husband and I am so happy he will be right there giving you the support you need. What a great day!

Well, I am on day 10 and woke with NO headache. Yea! I guess that means my body has purged itself of al. I am feeling very light (not weight wise, that's a whole 'nother issue I will deal with. Thank goodness the Halloween candy is gone). But I feel free, yes, actually free. I must have bought into what Jason Vale was selling. I feel happier, I don't ache, my mind is clear and my relationship with my hubby has grown closer. It is an amazing thing. As I look back, only 10 days ago, I was such a different person when I was under the fog. Now I feel such promise in my life. And it's only been 10 days. It boggles my mind. So, there is hope out there for everyone. If you can hang on and build on those af days, the dream can really come true. Have a wonderful day everyone! mightymite