An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

[Guitarista]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

Stick with it DB. You're doing great.

Good morning from a rainy Melbourne town. I know that just above those grey skies are blue ones!

It is a great day.

Edit- Hi Clear eyes. Hang in there. Never forget the hell of being chained to and a slave to the bottle.

Take care everyone.

[LillyE]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

FreeFly;1355338 wrote: Hi Lilly

I was contemplating your post on my walk today. I resonate with so much that you?ve said. You?re helping me to take a step back and look at the bigger picture (thank you). I can see that I?ve actually come a long way since finding this site, and rather than berating myself for not having been the super perfect quitter on 1st, 2nd, 3rd etc etc attempts, I can see that my thinking is actually changing. I feel so much calmer about my quit than I did first time round. I?m not plagued by the constant inner battle ? yes, it rears its head and the intensity takes me by surprise when it does come, but I?m feeling better about reaching that 30 day point. Thinking beyond then brings up too much thinking! Just wanting to stay in the moment right now. Did have to exercise a bit of self control this evening ? but did it

I'm so happy to hear that. I've gotten so much out of this site and the people here that I'm always happy to think something I've said has helped someone else.

I have kept a journal over the past year of my struggles with Al and I highly recommend this to anyone struggling with this process. You can feel like you're not making any progress but reading back I can see how my thinking has shifted. Sometimes I read back and go, OMG, I was wrestling with relapsing and getting to 30 days A YEAR AGO. Where is the progress? But in the big scheme of things I can see that it's definitely there. Think of how you felt when you first came to this site - scared, lost, clueless, perhaps really depressed and anxious - then compare it to how you feel and what you know now. World's apart, no?

I definitely feel a lot calmer and clearer this quit. I do feel like I've reached some kind of turning point after MULTIPLE failed attempts. That is not to say it'll be the last and I won't ever relapse again - I mean, I hope I won't obviously, but I can see that it is still entirely possible and I am still fighting it on a daily basis - but I am far more committed; I see quitting as a far more positive thing than I used to; and I far more willing to keep putting in the work and time to get there than I once was. And if I were to relapse - I think I'd be able to pull myself back up faster and be far more aware of what was going on.

Reaching 30 days has been such a holy grail for me that now it's approaching I'm starting to think 'then what?' This article really helped me this morning - so just in case it helps you, or anyone else, too:

How Successful Alcoholism Recovery Will Change Your Life 5 Years Down the Road

I particularly loved the part toward the end about the freedom you will feel and the capacity you will have to make positive changes in your life once it is no longer a daily battle. At the moment I'm telling myself that I have to keep taking that leap of faith that that will happen and clocking up the days/weeks/months long enough until it does.

[LillyE]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

Also FreeFly, I'm going to repost here something the marvelous Turnagain posted to me in monthly Abs that addresses these issues that I found extremely helpful that it sounds like probably applies to you right now too....

LillyE...You're making some crucial progress even though it is not always easy for you to see. This addiction is tough to break because it directly impacts the area of the brain that controls decision making. This is why it is so critical to seek out and absorb information about drinking AND get support and guidance from others. You are doing that. And you're doing that consistently and diligently. So now, you ask....how to go beyond this?

For me, the life changing moment came when I realized my body just cannot tolerate any amount of alcohol. Not a drop. I don't know if I was born this way or became this way. It doesn't matter because I AM this way now. Initially, I was afraid of acknowledging this and what it would mean. But interestingly enough, once I accepted this....I felt as if I had wings. I love being free. I have my life back again.

Healing takes time. You have started that process. And, as you look around this forum and at other support groups or programs, you'll notice that those who are truly successful and secure in their freedom from addiction are successful because they embrace sobriety. It is not a struggle....it is a joy to be free.

Beyond the high-concept talk...the concrete steps I took to final freedom came down to these basics:

* I acknowledged to myself and then (later) to others that I no longer drink.

* I surround myself with people who reinforce, support, and strengthen AF living.

* I help my body heal more every day. I eat whole, healthy foods. I supplement to help speed the biochemical repair that needs to take place. I exercise to help the brain get the dopamine and serotonin mix back into proper balance. And I retrain my brain by immersing myself in an attitude of gratitude. In those early days, sometimes the only thing I could feel sorta grateful for was that I was still breathing - even though I was so depressed and sometimes thought death would be the best thing for me.

I read something quite wise around here that went something like this:

We don't choose to become addicted to alcohol. But we can choose not to take the first drink.

And for those of us who have faced the hell of addiction, it is the ONLY choice. And a choice that is more than worth it. AF life is limitless.

***

[LillyE]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

Guitarista;1355065 wrote: This is where the healing begins,
It starts right here right now,
I am humbled and broken, but i let the light in to meet the darkness,
Walking through the rain, with my head up to greet it, to greet anything,
anything except the darkness that i am comfortable in,
too comfortable with,
As Melbourne sky's open with thunder and rain, the lightning cracks loudly on the street i walk on,
The dark and the light, fighting gloriously for something,
What a grand spectacle to behold, as the light meets the dark,
They put on this show for me? Me? the court jester, the hypocrite, the clown,
Well, i don't quite know what the racket's about, but i do know this.........
Today i am humbled. The walls are down, the ego has left the building, and the healing has begun.

To the light.


(I'd better add one of these to let you know all's very well )

Poignant, beautiful and touching words G...

Now I'll stop hogging up your thread

[scottish lass]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

Hi guys, got home so proud of myself as I have got home without any alcohol in my bag, and I even stopped at the store - however, I have been battling - the one that I am most ashamed of was that I could have a drink and not admit it and noone would know - the idea that I was considering decieeving on here, which would be cheating no one but myself.
I was invited out for a drink after work by my boss, then really wnated to relax after work with a drink. We are also opening a new office tomorrow and I was told there would be wine there - it struck me, that ok, maybe I could sneak one and it would not be a really big deal - but when would that false start end - unless I commit to my quit day of the 24th.
So long winded way to say that the voices have been really loud for me today as well....end of day 3 is on its way, and in a couple of hours I can relax - and wake up tomorrow so happy again!

[clear eyes]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

I made it to the end of day 3 but it was a battle. My husband wanted to go out to dinner but I opted for BBQ at home so I wouldn't be tempted to order a glass of wine. This night was a hard one!!

Good job Scottish Lass. Thinking of having to come on and tell everyone I didn't make it or just disappear greatly influenced my decision tonight to not drink. Can't wait for the voices to be less. I hope I am committed enough.

[Running4life]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

Hi Everyone, I have to weigh in here, I had five months AF after trying to quit many times. I finally had success and then (you guessed it) I succumbed to a craving. I got right back on the wagon for over a month and then another slip. Since then there have been a couple but not too bad. Unfortunately I went to a BBQ last Sunday quite confident that I would not drink. I could have taken my Antibuse to ensure that I wouldn't but hey, I was doing okay. Of course before I could reason with myself I had a glass of wine in my hand, then another and topped off the evening with a very ungraceful faceplant in front of everyone. (I blamed it on my new contact lenses) I am really embarassed now and so mad at myself at giving in once again to the ridiculous thought that I could just have a couple of glasses of wine like a normal person.
So, now I am on day four and still feeling horribly embarassed but convinced that I just cannot drink. I just hate waking up to a hangover and I love my AF life so why do I continue to flirt with disaster? Sometimes I think that I will never get it! I am away on holidays now and fighting the cravings for that glass of wine on a porch by the sea (unfortunately I forgot the antibuse at home).
So far I have not given in. Wishing you all success in this battle. I am thankful for the support I have received on this site.
R4L

[Guitarista]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

Hog the thread as much as you like Lilly! You're always welcome.

Thanks for sharing the magnificent Turnagains post. They are great words, as are yours.

Well done Scottish lass and Clear eyes. You're over the worst, so keep it going at all costs. I have to be ruthless and have a take no prisoner attitude otherwise AL just takes over. Eventually, you know our thinking learns new pathways with less and less focus on booze. We've got to hang in there and have faith and believe in what we are doing.

R4L, it's good to see you. For me and many others, it's hard to get back on track after we've opened that AL door again, but when we get a few days up, then a few weeks, we can get back on firmer ground. We have to commit and not stuff around (note to self). The beach sounds beaut! Attitude of gratitude friend.

Stay tough, relaxed and committed through the weekend everyone, and enjoy the journey!

Ooroo.

[Dogwood Blossom]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

My computer was whack this morning so my post was lost. Started Day 4 and felt great when I woke up. Clear head, rested, excited, ready to go. I wish my evenings were as awesome as these couple mornings have been, but they aren't so I'm going to have to learn to deal. Clear Eyes & Scottish Lass, I feel your pain and yours as well R4L! Let's just do today with no thought or worry of tomorrow.

MR G, Lilly, thanks for your good words and your support. I loved the words to that song. R4L, I hope you can absorb the beauty of where you are and realize that you wouldn't or couldn't see it and appreciate it with our arch enemy AL! I love Mr. G's advice and I'm going to try to use it today and practice and "Attitude of Gratitude!" I am grateful that for today I am sober, and not hung over!

I pray for all of us a clean, clear, sober day! TTYL!

[clear eyes]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

Good morning all and welcome R4L. Pretty tired this morning. Don't know if fighting the beast last night has anything to do with that. I feel good to know that after 3 days al is out of the body but scared because so many say day 4 is the worst and on top of it it is Friday. But I have been sober many Fridays before so will make this the first in awhile.

Mr. G and Lilly you two are so positive and supportive. Can't wait until I am feeling like that again.

DB- glad you are feeling great this morning. My favorite part of being sober before was going to bed sober and doing a wordsearch or reading. Maybe if you can pick up a book or something that could fill your nights. I know that I have enjoyed my last few nights doing it again sober. You should see some of my wordsearches I would do after going to bed drinking. Some pretty ugly circles and letters trying to figure out the word. I always hated seeing those in the morning reminding me of how I went to bed the night before.

[scottish lass]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

Good Morning all - and good whatever part of the day it is - if all of us in the morning spread our good feeling, then hopefully that will remind us when we get to the evening struggle of what waits just a few hours away.
Clear Eyes - we can do this, just think what an amazing weekned we will have - try to ignore that it is Friday night - and think about Saturday morning and not another wasted (in more ways that one) weekend!!
Hang in everyone - we can do this!!
Thanks for the leadership MrG, and the motivation - this is a good team who will succeed.
I will check in later - have a long day - chosing to drive 3 hours to a meeting, then drive back - instead of flying, there will be cocktails etc at an open house for a remote office we are opening - the drive will be a good excuse to not even take a sip - and it is a beautiful drive so lots of good time for reflection!
Happy Friday all....

[Dogwood Blossom]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

The battle has begun. Swaying back and forth. It's a beautiful sunny day, and Friday. Big trigger. I'm hanging onto the thought of waking up on Saturday not feeling like crap, AGAIN, and actually feeling like doing some things. That would be so awesome, but I first haave to get through tonight.

[Mumof4]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

Hey Dogwood,

Know how you feel!! Friday nights and Saturday nights especially suck!!

Im feeling quite agitated also, but I know tomorrow I will feel fab again in the morning and proud I didn't give in like you will x

[Dogwood Blossom]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

Thanks Mum. I hate that you are struggling too, but it helps to know we're not suffering alone! My thinking is a little skewed & agitated is a good word.

[FreeFly]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

LillyE;1355399 wrote: I'm so happy to hear that. I've gotten so much out of this site and the people here that I'm always happy to think something I've said has helped someone else.

I have kept a journal over the past year of my struggles with Al and I highly recommend this to anyone struggling with this process. You can feel like you're not making any progress but reading back I can see how my thinking has shifted. Sometimes I read back and go, OMG, I was wrestling with relapsing and getting to 30 days A YEAR AGO. Where is the progress? But in the big scheme of things I can see that it's definitely there. Think of how you felt when you first came to this site - scared, lost, clueless, perhaps really depressed and anxious - then compare it to how you feel and what you know now. World's apart, no?

I definitely feel a lot calmer and clearer this quit. I do feel like I've reached some kind of turning point after MULTIPLE failed attempts. That is not to say it'll be the last and I won't ever relapse again - I mean, I hope I won't obviously, but I can see that it is still entirely possible and I am still fighting it on a daily basis - but I am far more committed; I see quitting as a far more positive thing than I used to; and I far more willing to keep putting in the work and time to get there than I once was. And if I were to relapse - I think I'd be able to pull myself back up faster and be far more aware of what was going on.

Reaching 30 days has been such a holy grail for me that now it's approaching I'm starting to think 'then what?' This article really helped me this morning - so just in case it helps you, or anyone else, too:

How Successful Alcoholism Recovery Will Change Your Life 5 Years Down the Road

I particularly loved the part toward the end about the freedom you will feel and the capacity you will have to make positive changes in your life once it is no longer a daily battle. At the moment I'm telling myself that I have to keep taking that leap of faith that that will happen and clocking up the days/weeks/months long enough until it does.

Another great post Lilly. The journal?s a great idea. I?ve thought about it before but suffice to say al got in the way. Think I?ll start that this weekend. I too feel more committed this time and I can?t wait for that moment when I have the realisation that I haven?t thought about alcohol and that the shift has most definitely been made (I know that could be quite a while but I also know it?s on its way). I?ve saved the 5 Years Down the Road article. It really is a case of persistence and commitment. Like he says, one drink and it?s back to square one all over again.

Thanks also for Turnagain?s fab post. I was reading her story last night in another thread ? very inspiring. This thread is such a positive lifeline for me at the moment. Have a VERY good feeling about this time. You?re so near your 30 days Lilly ? awesome and I?m right behind you.

I woke up this morning with a stinking headache which actually felt like a hangover. For a brief second I had that awful, self loathing disgust that I?d drunk last night ? yuk! So relieved when I came to and realised I hadn?t. Phantom hangover! Using that this weekend as motivation and resolve to stay AF. Looking forward to day 5 tomorrow.
Thanks again for your wisdom and insight ? really helping so hog away!

Here's to an AF weekend for us all