An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

[Guitarista]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

Another benefit of no AL.....good sleep.

Wow, the Cuban bloke's pole snapped in half as he launched himself up in the pole vault just now.

Have a good one y'all. There are no negatives in being sober.

[Dogwood Blossom]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

Awfully quiet on this thread. How is everyone doing today? SL, FF, Mr. G.... are we all hanging in there? I'm still not drinking. Wish I could say I never think about it. Oh well, one day. Do you all ever go to the Newbies Nest anymore? I venture over and read but I don't post much anymore. People coming and going all the time. I don't know how Byrdie, Lilly, and some of the Senior Members keep up with who all is there. It makes my head spin!! Good for them. I just can't keep up with that pace right now.

Wrapping things up at work and headed home. I'll check in with everyone later.

[FreeFly]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

Hi DB, Yes, still here, still sober and checking in before another early night! Been busy, busy again today which is great as it keeps my mind of the booze. Tonight was easy I'm happy to say but not getting complacent. I agree with you re NN, I do pay regular visits for a read but it's hard to keep up with.

How's everyone else doing? Hope you have an easy one tonight DB. I'm off for my regular 10 hours!

[Guitarista]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

Hi y'all,

All great here, and a long weekend off for me. You beeewdy!

Here's a great post i thought i'd put here from our toolbox thread written by an ex member 'Work in progress'. DB, i reckon you'll enjoy this.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...tml#post477897

Great stuff DB and FF.

Sweet dreams and catch up soon.

[Guitarista]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

And another from the toolbox by W.I.P.


A Work in Progress

Repeating this for the "Tool Box" Thread
What is a plan, and how do I get one???


I can't count how many times I have made the suggestion to new folks here to "get a plan" for their recovery from alcohol abuse. The old phrase: "failing to plan is planning to fail" is very true in so many situations... and especially so in the case of those of us who are beginning (and continuing) the path of freedom from the devastation of alcohol abuse.

SO: What is a plan, and how do I get one?

The MWO book, and what we call the MWO program, discuss and recommend a number of elements that have proven very helpful to many, many people who have used them. They include (and I have added a few, based on my own experience and that of many MWO members):
Exercise (doesn't have to be a whole lot; some brisk walking, 3 or 4 days a week, is helpful)
Hypnotherapy (you can buy the recordings on the MWO site in the "store")
Meditation (many of us practice meditation)
Dietary supplements (see the MWO book, the "store" here onsite, and the threads here on "Holistic Healing")
A healthy diet, and regular meals
Medication (preferably with help, advice, and a prescription from your physician)
Spending a significant amount of time here at MWO, reading the posts of others, getting to know people, asking questions, and talking about your progress and your struggles
Going to AA meetings
Changing our environment: Getting alcohol out of the house; not going to bars; not hanging around with "drinking buddies"
Most people do not use ALL elements in this list; but those who are successful tend to use a LOT of them. And we tend to adjust and tweak the elements, as we see what works for us (and for others).

Equally important is something we call the "mental game." This is short-hand for the process of changing our thinking and attitudes toward: alcohol, drinking, our emotions, and our behavior. We must learn a whole new approach to problems in life (we don't try to drink them away, any more), and we don't see alcohol as a "reward" for having accomplished something. We learn to tolerate distress, including the urges and impulses and cravings for drink, and we allow them to naturally pass away, without giving in to them. We learn not to engage in battles within our minds about drinking; we step away from that whole process, and choose to think about, and do, something else.

Perhaps most important: we recognize that the work of recovery truly is "work," and it takes time, effort, and sometimes it costs money. Sometimes it is costly in other ways, as well; friendships and other close relationships will be changed, when we change. And that can be painful. Making this kind of change will have an impact on all areas of our lives; that is a very, very good thing; it can also be accompanied by some pain. Again... we must learn to tolerate the discomforts involved in life changes. There will be some emotional upheaval along the way. We might want to seek counseling or psychotherapy; we certainly will benefit from coming here and talking about it.

Making a plan, and following it, is an act of mature recognition of the fact that, for nearly all of us, just wishing and hoping that we will stop drinking (or begin drinking "normally") "on our own" is not going to work. Remember: nobody ever "wished and hoped" their way through any important project. But with persistence, and support from others, following a plan can take us to the places in our lives where we really want to go.

wip

[FreeFly]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

Morning all, yes, had a good 10 hours again last night. Body sure is taking the time to heal, or am I just lazy :H Thanks for the plan reminder G. I have a good one in place re lifestyle. Morning walks have been off this week though (fairweather walkers we are) but will step up the exercise next week. May help reduce the sleep thing! Can't believe the weekend's here already, time is zipping by, even beginning to lose count. Hope al didn't occupy your mind last night DB. Long weekend for me too and the sun is shining - wishing all a safe, sober and happy weekend Marhall, CE, SL - how you going??

[Guitarista]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

Enjoy the sleep FF. You obviously need it.

A little bit of manflu here, as in slight throat/chest irritation, but countering with soup with plenty of garlic and ginger. Anybody want a kiss?

[LillyE]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

Hi all,

Sorry I've been absent. I hurt my arm and it was painful to type, which is always a bugger given my job IS pretty much typing (writing) constantly and work has been kicking my ARSE! Likely will be for the foreseeable future. But not in a bad way - just in a busy-busy-working-all-weekend way.

But all is well in Lilly land. It'll be six weeks AF on Sunday which feels terrific to say. That said, I have felt slippery thoughts creep in lately (like 'why am I doing this again?' 'am I being too extreme?' 'do I really have that big a problem?' I'm sure you all know the drill.) But I'm glad I'm aware of them though I haven't had/put enough time into combatting them this week - needs to be a priority I know.

Free, I was sleeping SO much up until just this week it seems to be getting better. Sleeping way, way more than normal. But, I figured maybe it was my body's way of healing faster so I say go with it if your life demands allow.

Dogwood, I felt a bit touched to be referred to as a 'senior member' - definitely don't think of myself that way though I'm no longer a Newbie. I left the Nest largely because I felt I just didn't have enough to give yet, and yes, too much going on to keep up with, and while it's fine people were talking about slips and moderating a lot there it wasn't talk I needed to hear when I was really trying to focus on a goal of complete abstinence. Still isn't, really. But I hope I'll have more to give back there one day and admire those who do.

Sorry to hear about the Manflu G but sounds like you're doing all the right things. Lemon-ginger tea, soup, rest, repeat until all healthy and healed… 'cause there's a nasty one doing the rounds and apparently it's particularly contagious. SMOOCH

[Guitarista]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

Good to see you Lilly.

Wishing your arm a speedy recovery. 6 weeks eh? Cool stuff. Why not keep going anyway. They are just the classic AL lying thoughts trying to convince us boozing is the way. Whether we have a problem or not, the sober life is a ripper, and there's no contest. And with regards problem.....for me, if i think i have a drinking problem, then i have, and i have had one. I am lazy when i drink, and i don't follow through on much at all, hence, the years flow by as i just waste and fill time doing things i'm not that interested in, and ultimately, ripping myself off. I much prefer living, not just existing.

Have a great weekend everyone.

[scottish lass]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

Posting here - have signed on a couple times, plucking up courage to admit that I have blown it! I thought I really was managing it this time and was so pleased. Busy day with girls, dentist, orthodontist, back to school clothes shopping - spent way too much money, but all in all successful - it was stinking hot, well over 100 and we were looking forward to a quiet, cool evening watching olympics, only to discover the AC in my new home doesn't work - along with so many other things. There are no fans, so it was pretty horrible. A friend stopped by with chilled white wine, and I did not even pause! And feeling pretty crap this morning...:upset::upset:

[Guitarista]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

Hi Scottish lass,

Sorry to hear that. What are you going to do, which way are you going to go now?


You may've already read this from our toolbox, but i'll post it again for you or anyone who hasn't.

Gratitude versus deprivation thinking.






Do You "Deserve" a Drink, Today?

I can't count the number of times I have seen someone come here and write a post in which s/he says that s/he has relapsed, or "slipped," because s/he had been doing well for a while, and decided that s/he "deserved" a drink.

And our alcoholic thinking does this to us. It totally bypasses the memory of the devastation, humiliation, and destruction that alcohol has brought into our lives, and it presents alcohol as a GOOD thing, a prize, a reward, something we want to give ourselves for a job well done.

I wrote a post a few days ago, about this way of thinking, but it was kind of buried in another thread. And I saw people talking about "deserving a drink," again today. What I wrote about was about changing our way of thinking from this self-destructive "Deprivation Mode" to a winning, successful, positive "Gratitude Mode." Here it is:

I don't think we can begin to truly grow into a successful, lifetime, AF plan until we have managed to make the shift in our thinking from the "Deprivation Mode" to the "Gratitude Mode."

In Deprivation Mode, we think alcohol is a good thing that we are being deprived of. We are sad, and grieve the loss of what had felt like a friend to us. We consider it a treat that we never get to give ourselves again. We are envious of others who "get to drink."

In Gratitude Mode, we recognize that alcohol is (for us, because of our brain structure, genetics, physiology, etc.) a toxin, a poison, something that nearly destroyed us. Mentally, physically, and spiritually. We recognize that we have the most amazing opportunity to rid ourselves of something that makes us very sick in all those ways. We recognize the craziness of voluntarily damaging our brains, minds, bodies, families, jobs, futures. We are really, really grateful for that opportunity, and we guard it and cultivate it carefully.

Most of us start a recovery program in deprivation mode. Some people stay there forever. Those people tend not to be able to create a consistently successful program, or life, of freedom from alcohol and its devastation. Some of us transition into gratitude mode.

For most of us, Gratitude Mode does not just happen all by itself. We have to make it happen. If we want to shift into gratitude mode, we learn to cultivate it. We cultivate it by being careful about our thoughts, and about what we notice. If we find ourselves thinking about how wonderful it would be to have a drink, we deliberately shift attention away from this train of thought, and we deliberately choose to think about how good it is to know we will never humiliate ourselves with alcohol again, never again have another horrible hangover, never disappoint our children again with the way we are when we get drunk. We notice alcohol advertising, pay attention to how it makes us feel, and detach from the message by noticing how distorted the message is.

That kind of thing is crucial. We literally can BUILD a new way of thinking and feeling about things. And I think that's something to be grateful for, in itself!

wip

[scottish lass]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

Thanks G - this si good, and I do see myself in this, I am in deprivation mode for sure and have to have a switch. In mornings I am in gratitude mode, but as the day progresses I slide into deprivation.
Yesterday unfortunately was not due to this, it was more of habit, automatic reaction and a silly mistake when my guard was down.
It is 4pm on a very hot Friday and I am really fighting again as the AL is back in my system.
I do like all the benifits of not drinking, but sadly I also really miss it - wanting my cake and eat it too!! This morning it was a good reminder of why I don't want to drink, but amazing how easy it is to forget those lessons as the day progresses...

[LillyE]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

Scottish, I'm sorry to hear that. I've been there so many times. That "I didn't even pause" though tells me that you aren't fully committed in your heart yet - no judgement, again, I've been there many times. For me, something had to shift. It's hard to know how to force oneself to that point exactly. All I can suggest is reading, journalling if you do, revising your reasons why you want to quit. Write down how shit you feel today and use it as a motivator in the future! :l

I love that Gratitude vs Deprivation post. I've read it a number of times but just read it again - thanks G - I think about it a lot. We have to not only reach that place of commitment and gratitude but then work hard at *staying* there, at least until it becomes second-nature, which could take a long time. Wishing you the strength to get right back on the wagon and keep going. It is worth it - as you know from your previous AF stretches, right? Tell us why.

Thanks G also for your other comments and encouragement to keep going - you are totally right. And rationally I know they are lying thoughts but the pull of addiction and denial can be so strong one really has to actively fight the tide sometimes.

Don't worry, I have no intention of drinking - it's just that I'm aware that those thoughts are creeping in and it worries me, so I'm taking steps to combat them.

Like, reminding myself how much better life is already AF. It is amazing - I feel so much better in just six weeks mentally and physically. And, after a month or more of being sooo tired and sleeping soooo much more than usual I'm finally leveling out and sleeping a more normal 7-8 hours (soundly) and waking up way more refreshed. My anxiety is still an issue some days but it's greatly improved and the depression has absolutely lifted massively. I feel way more positive and happy and excited about life.

AND I had some very cool work news that I don't think would have happened had I not been working more/better recently. Wins!

Wishing you all a sane, satisfying, stimulating and sober Saturday.

[Guitarista]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

Good stuff Lilly.

From memory and what i read from folk here, 60 days is great, then 90 days feels amazing, and it just keeps getting better. However, and speaking from personal experience, the AF life does require a bit of daily, regular maintainence, which for me this time around means daily meditation, exercise, and most importantly, doing what i love most, which is making music.

Scottish lass, it sure is difficult when we open the door for booze again. Our body chemistry embraces it as 'normal' necessary fuel which i suspect is why we get cravings for AL, but this is a lie. Our body/brain has been trained to run on booze by the time we are problem drinkers, so it will take a little while and some daily effort to re-train/re-wire our body/brain chemistry back to normal. That is, to run on healthy food, activities and thoughts/mindset. For me, this is why early sobriety can be a challenge. Sometimes we just have to plough through that first day/days/week to start to lay a solid foundation.

You can do it. But geez, we have to really, really want it. Nothing is impossible. You are special and you are worth it. Enough wasting your precious time. Ditch the bottle and think positive. :h

[clear eyes]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

I am back and deep cleaned my two girls rooms. (one moved out last week end and the other college) They were so dirty! One thing that helps with my sleep is taking a magnesium and a calicum. I know magnesium is one of MWO supplements and then my therapist told me to take it at night. Hope that helps some. I too look at the Newbies nest but have never really felt apart of it.

SL- The heat is what got me last week-end and I continued to chose to have drinks last week while on the road. Don't beat yourself up.