By do or die - I mean I am out of choices. It's really - this is it . Get my shit together or else.
The last few weeks the wake up call has been sounding and yesterday someone stuck the soup kettle over my head and beat it with another pot, yelling "Prairie you stupid dolt - what's it going to take to get through to you?!"
Today I got up without a headache, I didn't have to check my text messages to see what crazy stuff I'd sent to whom, I didn't check my call log and say - OMG - who for how long? Oh FFS Prairie - now what have you done? And thank you God - I did not open FB while praying - Please say I didn't provide late night entertainment at 2 am for the insomniacs on my friends list...
And believe me - that was a LOT of gratitude.
It may not seem like much - but it was a LOT of gratitude.
I didn't loathe myself today. There is no price in the world for that.
I spent the day running around making plans for healing myself - counselors and programs - so I can cope with this whirlwind around me - in a way that doesn't destroy me.
And I was proud of myself for that. Because bad news came again today - and I didn't let it derail me.
So - it's ODAT - but in some ways G - I am here in the START because it was do - or die. And if desperation led to action - that's ok. I'm off my arse.
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