An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

[Guitarista]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

Hiya Slayer,

Yes, fear is magnified when i am drinking. It is rampant within me even if i haven't drank for a week, but i have a 'moderation' mindset, and still wish to have booze as part of my life. The fear of failure, rejection, success etc. leaves my thinking slowly but surely when i stop drinking and decide i want a sober life.

How are you going there?

[techie]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

Guitarista;1374768 wrote: Hiya Slayer,

Yes, fear is magnified when i am drinking. It is rampant within me even if i haven't drank for a week, but i have a 'moderation' mindset, and still wish to have booze as part of my life. The fear of failure, rejection, success etc. leaves my thinking slowly but surely when i stop drinking and decide i want a sober life.

How are you going there?

I appreciate that. To me the feeling of total sobriety outweighs the angst I feel trying to micromanage something I know is destined to go out-of-control. We learn deep lessons by our past behavior. While, I did test the waters early on, I think our brain rewires itself to a degree during a long period of sobriety. I will not fuck with those synapses that have healed and have helped me when confronted, as I confidently say NO! We have so many choices in life, I've made a personal commitment to get beyond those painful times. Step up folks!!!

[Slaythefear]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

Guitarista;1374768 wrote: Hiya Slayer,

Yes, fear is magnified when i am drinking. It is rampant within me even if i haven't drank for a week, but i have a 'moderation' mindset, and still wish to have booze as part of my life. The fear of failure, rejection, success etc. leaves my thinking slowly but surely when i stop drinking and decide i want a sober life.

How are you going there?

Sorry, G. I deleted that post. I realized I was responding to something from 2011. I'm not sure how I even got on that page. lol

I'm feeling better and more empowered. This isn't just about getting rid of alcohol. It's about facing all my fears and moving forward. I felt so let down about life for so long, but my hope and love for it are growing daily. I WANT a better life again, and I'm finding that girl inside I used to like very much. It's awesome!!!

Thanks for asking. Great group here. It's helped me a lot to have this forum to open up in and relate to.

[kuya]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

mollyka;1374495 wrote: Kuya - that is a brilliant post - I think I agree with everything you say tbh. The part about 'staying sober should be the focus' -- absolutely. And like you say - the only way we can stay sober is to change our mindset and to change our lives around a bit.
Ridiculous as this may sound - but it bears out what you say - by the stage that I truly knew I had a problem and it HAD to be dealt with - what delayed me taking the plunge was that I knew (or thought I knew) that I couldn't sleep unless I had a 'few' drinks - and I dreaded the thought of the wakeful nights that would ensue. Of course the truth of that is that - yes - lots of us have a bit of trouble balancing our sleep for a while - but crikey - it's nothing - it's an inconvenience - and as my doc eventually told me - 2-3 hours normal sober sleep is way better than 7-8 hours drunken passed out comalike sleep.
Molly

Your post has just reminded me that insomnia was THE main reason I never got past day one. That first night lying awake until six in the morning then having an hour's sleep and spending the next day exhausted AND detoxing always sent me back to the bottle on day 2.

What changed that for me was finding the combination of tryptophan and melatonin. Tryptophan is a derived from 5 Http and combined with rapid release melatonin allows a normal descent to sleep by taking 'the hamster off the wheel' in our brains. I think a lot of alcoholics get caught in excessive mind chatter at night ...... Maybe it is years of thought suppression being remedied. Anyway this combination allows me to fall asleep within the hour or so with no drowsiness next day. Halleluyah !

[kuya]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

@ slay ....... Big up to you,mate ...... You are awesome and brave, brave, brave!

[pixie]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

Slaythefear;1374784 wrote:
This isn't just about getting rid of alcohol. It's about facing all my fears and moving forward. I felt so let down about life for so long, but my hope and love for it are growing daily. I WANT a better life again, and I'm finding that girl inside I used to like very much. It's awesome!!!
.

I'd like to join in here. I've been around the last few months and read the forums most days, but I don't post that often. I have 90-something AF days, but my thoughts are starting to wiggle a little, and maybe a little more interaction would be good.

Slay, I'm with you on facing fears and moving forward, and with that, becoming more empowered and taking a more active role in my own life. You sound really good - I'm hoping to find that person I liked inside me as well. I just haven't had much luck yet, but I'm trying.

[Kradle123]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

Hi Pixie: I last saw you in May I think around the time i was getting on board too. I'm 90 plus days like you with moments of wobble from time to time. No specific reason sometimes. Tonight I was jus driving along on my way to pick up Mathieu from school.

I think of it has to do with our blood sugar- that HALT thing going on. I get thirsty, dry, parched and wham! AL pops into my mind...

For me it isnt so much facing fears as it is facing my resentments... As I get more AF time I find them poping up like fricken mushrooms in my head. I actually was driving along the other day, saw something which reminded me of a person who really screwed me and I found myself saying out loud, in the car, " I Hate You!". it wa a little scary really because it was automatic. It just poped out of my mouth....

Dealing with my life without AL As my primary coping tool is tougher than I'd imagined.

Still, not stopping yet. Want to see what's on the other side

K9 and Mr. G - I may have to cancel Netflix!! You guys are way fun! :h can't wait for the next install. And way to go k9 on the Fags. I lived in England for years and got pretty good at saying , ' giz us a fag! ' back in the day...

Slay: the AL isolation Is a big fear for me too but it's also a huge draw, I'm afraid. I didn't used to be solitary but somewhere down the line it became very comfortable. Now ...without AL it's a lot tougher to stay alone which I know is a good thing but very hard.

Bedtime,
Hugs, :l

[Twitch]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

I would like to join in as well, back here after modding has spiralled out of control ,not sure how I am going to do this,I am so fed up with waking up full of regrets, why can't I understand the downs outweigh the brief highs?/
love and hugs x

[FreeFly]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

Hi Twitch, nice to see you. Well done on coming back - maybe you do understand the downs outweigh the brief highs and that's why you're here again. Lots of great support on this thread - look forward to getting to know you. Friday's a great time to start - get a weekend under the belt early on :l

[FreeFly]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

Hi Pixie - nice to see you too. I liked your post on another thread about goals and how al gets in the way of you having any. Scuppers mine too! Great job on your 90 days :l

[yopparai]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

Hi. I'm new. Day 1 for the umpteenth millionth time. Been drinking and trying to quit alternatively for 31 years. Done psych wards, treatment centers, AA, anti-depressants...ad nauseum. I live in Asia and spent hours trying to find a suitable Kudzu (Kakkonto) substitute today. I think I found one and will try it for now.
I recently moved from one of the biggest cities in the world to a small beach town after destroying yet another relationship because of my drinking. My family, what's left of them are estranged. I am completely alone. I hope I can make it work this time because I don't want to die yet.
Just thought I'd jump in and introduce myself. I made it a month last spring, started drinking moderately for a couple weeks but then it spiraled out of countrol again in a big way. I am filled with shame, regret and enormous frustration at my inability to live a somewhat normal life. I want so much to believe it is not too late for me. I used to say I didn't want to end up alone. Now I just don't want to end up a homeless bag lady. It's obvious I will have to accept being alone, but I'd much rather do it without the demons of alchololism.

[yopparai]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

New Here

Hi. I'm new. Day 1 for the umpteenth millionth time. Been drinking and trying to quit alternatively for 31 years. Done psych wards, treatment centers, AA, anti-depressants...ad nauseum. I live in Asia and spent hours trying to find a suitable Kudzu (Kakkonto) substitute today. I think I found one and will try it for now.
I recently moved from one of the biggest cities in the world to a small beach town after destroying yet another relationship because of my drinking. My family, what's left of them are estranged. I am completely alone. I hope I can make it work this time because I don't want to die yet.
Just thought I'd jump in and introduce myself. I made it a month last spring, started drinking moderately for a couple weeks but then it spiraled out of countrol again in a big way. I am filled with shame, regret and enormous frustration at my inability to live a somewhat normal life. I want so much to believe it is not too late for me. I used to say I didn't want to end up alone. Now I just don't want to end up a homeless bag lady. It's obvious I will have to accept being alone, but I'd much rather do it without the demons of alchoholism.

[kuya]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

yopparai;1374933 wrote: Hi. I'm new. Day 1 for the umpteenth millionth time. I want so much to believe it is not too late for me. I used to say I didn't want to end up alone. Now I just don't want to end up a homeless bag lady. It's obvious I will have to accept being alone, but I'd much rather do it without the demons of alchoholism.

HI yop just saw your post and first of all .... Welcome. You are in the best of places.

My heart was so sad reading your story and , whilst I know we all have different stories, I just wanted to let you know that it is not too late for you, if it was you wouldn't be here, and you wouldn't have tried for the umpteenth millionth time.

I drank heavily for 23 years and only tried to quit ONCE before now. Give yourself credit that you keep trying.

Keep coming here, keep posting, go read the old posts. There is sooo much good stuff here and REAL people who understand what you are going through and will never judge you.

And you are therefore already proven wrong ...... You said you will have to accept being alone ....well now you need never feel alone...... You have MWO folks, all day everyday whenever.

Again welcome and jump on in. :welcome:

[Slaythefear]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

pixie;1374798 wrote: I'd like to join in here. I've been around the last few months and read the forums most days, but I don't post that often. I have 90-something AF days, but my thoughts are starting to wiggle a little, and maybe a little more interaction would be good.

Slay, I'm with you on facing fears and moving forward, and with that, becoming more empowered and taking a more active role in my own life. You sound really good - I'm hoping to find that person I liked inside me as well. I just haven't had much luck yet, but I'm trying.

It really helps in many ways. It's an important part of my walk out of prison. Join right in...strength in numbers!:l It's at your fingertips in a moments notice and so much understanding and relating that help you feel like you aren't alone in your battle. Feeling empty can definitely trip a person up, and I think this helps a lot of people fill up a bit.

Nice to meet you.

[Slaythefear]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

yopparai;1374933 wrote: Hi. I'm new. Day 1 for the umpteenth millionth time. Been drinking and trying to quit alternatively for 31 years. Done psych wards, treatment centers, AA, anti-depressants...ad nauseum. I live in Asia and spent hours trying to find a suitable Kudzu (Kakkonto) substitute today. I think I found one and will try it for now.
I recently moved from one of the biggest cities in the world to a small beach town after destroying yet another relationship because of my drinking. My family, what's left of them are estranged. I am completely alone. I hope I can make it work this time because I don't want to die yet.
Just thought I'd jump in and introduce myself. I made it a month last spring, started drinking moderately for a couple weeks but then it spiraled out of countrol again in a big way. I am filled with shame, regret and enormous frustration at my inability to live a somewhat normal life. I want so much to believe it is not too late for me. I used to say I didn't want to end up alone. Now I just don't want to end up a homeless bag lady. It's obvious I will have to accept being alone, but I'd much rather do it without the demons of alchoholism.

This forum will help you not feel so alone because you can relate to others who are fighting the same demon with some of the resulting problems. You can read 24/7 and converse with people who will give you hope and support. Being alone right now may be of benefit to you as well right now. You won't have someone else's emotions and issues to deal with and upset you. There's always a bright side.