An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

[Guitarista]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

clear eyes;1362595 wrote: I am back and deep cleaned my two girls rooms. (one moved out last week end and the other college) They were so dirty! One thing that helps with my sleep is taking a magnesium and a calicum. I know magnesium is one of MWO supplements and then my therapist told me to take it at night. Hope that helps some. I too look at the Newbies nest but have never really felt apart of it.

Good to see you Clear eyes. Thanks for that info.

Sounds like big changes in the CE household!

Hope you're having a beaut weekend.

L8tr, Yo!

[scottish lass]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

Thanks CE :l the heat is hard.....
Lily - i am trying, I am not sure I am completely resolved, you are right - but I was getting closer every day until yesterday - I really did think I was getting there, there was not any plans or desire to do what I did last night....it catches me when I am least expecting it and that makes it so very hard to plan for it!
Whatever it was or wasn't - it was a good 16 day run, and proof that I can do it - and every AF day is a success - I have had some many more AF days in the last year than I have had for the previous 30 years so that has to count!

[Guitarista]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

scottish lass;1362614 wrote: Thanks CE :l the heat is hard.....
Lily - i am trying, I am not sure I am completely resolved, you are right - but I was getting closer every day until yesterday - I really did think I was getting there, there was not any plans or desire to do what I did last night....it catches me when I am least expecting it and that makes it so very hard to plan for it!
Whatever it was or wasn't - it was a good 16 day run, and proof that I can do it - and every AF day is a success - I have had some many more AF days in the last year than I have had for the previous 30 years so that has to count!

SL, those 16 days cannot be taken away. You did it, and that's a fantastic effort.

Now, what would you do differently next time you are in a similar situation?

You can do it again. Go for it friend.

[scottish lass]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

G - i am making it harder to not think! I don't have many friends who stop by like that (being a drunk does run off most real friends thats for sure!). I told my friend the truth, so that helps in that situation. I have moved the wine glasses and corkscrew which should delay any reaction and allow some think time.
Thanks all for being there for me, it is hugely appreciated - I do know in the middle of the night inbetween beating myself, I had a huge debate about coming clean on here (that pride thing we spoke fo earlier) - this site does allow me to coem clean and that means that I don't delay the getting back on track. It would be so easy to say that I have slipped, and carry on for a while. I am really fighting not to go out and buy a bottle just now - it is 6:15 and not too much longer and that temptation will go away.....
Reading on MWO and that is a huge help!
I hope everyoen else is hanging on for the weekend...

[Dogwood Blossom]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

SL, I'm a littled stressed that you slipped. It's a reminder to me how fragile our sobriety is. I have been so much on the verge the last couple days. Husband is gone to run a 10K tonight & as I've said before, being alone at home is a real trigger. I actually was headed to by a bottle of wine and decided to stop at the grocery store first. That gave me time to gather my thoughts and I was able to resist and just go home. I'm sorry that you slipped, but you are still here, so you want something more; something different.

Mr. G's blog really says a lot. I, (we) have to stop the deprivation thinking if we're gonna make it, and we can only do that when we focus on what we are gaining when we are sober. Our gains far outweigh what we are giving up. SL, I totally understand waking up in gratitude and at some point in the day it changes to deprivation. I'm not exactly sure when it happens or why. I think someone we know would say to us, make a plan! We need to be taking in as much good info as we can, and taking care of ourselves physically, mentally and spiritually.

Scottish Lass, I'm so glad you are here. The past is the past, now pick yourself up, get a plan, and lets get moving forward.

[scottish lass]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

Thanks DB - your response actually made me tear up, thank you for caring :l. You are right, we can do this......I am so happy that you have managed not to get AL tonight. Yes, being alone is a trigger for me too - I have just had a great week off with my two girls and done some great things, now they have gone to their dads for the next week, so another trigger. I do like HALT - hungry, angry, lonely and tired - so some of these I can fix and others I have to deal with. We are not alone when posting here....

[Dogwood Blossom]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

Oh yeah, Lilly & Clear Eyes...good to see you.

Mr. G...Hope you are feeling better.

[Kradle123]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

These are such great posts & I really need them at the moment :h

I'm back from camping...well I was back on Monday but it has taken days to decompress. We all had a great time mind you, and the kids had an absolute blast but it was a minefield of temptations and triggers. At one point I felt rather like Kevin Costner in Dances with Wolves, galloping thru an active battle field completely open to the volley of shots fired by enemy soldiers. Well I too survived and I didn't drink and I even got to keep my foot

But it was hard hard hard and though I'm so proud and pleased I made it thru I seem to have landed in the boat with you, Scottish Lass. I am sinking deeper and deeper into deprivation mode...thoughts of why am I doing this? Well I know why but so what. I'm 50 now. It's really too late for me. I know in my head it's all mind games but in my heart.....

So anyway, the campsite wasnt exactly what we all expected but the lake was phenomenal, a deep long crater surrounded by the Olympic mountains. It was like being in Switzerland...well, close

The only real bad spot was the couple who hosted the trip turned out to be less than my cup of tea. The husband was a complete boorish jerk who drank too much and became an even worse boorish jerk. But my other dear friends were very supportive and I know we all became even closer families. They do drink like fish and my dear friend, bless him, was just so excited about all the knew favors of vodkas now available. He extolled all their virtues! Thank heavens I hate vodka!! He means well, really.

But the camp fire conversation, late night cribbage games and s'mores was just not the same as everyone else was drinking. My husband doesn't really drink- he was supportive at least as much as he can be. But he was so tired by the end of the day he crawled into a sleeping bag and zzzzzzzzed.

I just couldn't. Camp fire conversation is loud, so I just joined em because I couldn't 'beat' them so to speak. And the lake crowd unfortunately involved incredibly drunk guys who 1. Insisted on doing wheelies on their jet skis way to close to our kids- they were ejected by the park police and 2. We watched while one guy fell backward off a 10- 15 foot embankment. He was completely smashed which may have saved him in the end and 3. Many of the guys and gals decided after their 5th or 10th beer that civility was off off the table and vulgarity was game on. I had to do a lot of explaining to my children...

I am trying not to sound hard on these guys or judgemental though I never got publicly drunk unless u count a private party. I am pretty private. And you would think all that shit would serve as a deterrent not an incentive. And it does. It does but then I'm back to the ' I'm not that bad and man does a nice Rum and tonic sound good over there under the umbrella in this 92 degree heat...

So when I got home I just sort of felt shut down. Overwhelmed and yes somewhat deprived. I haven't hit that switch either I guess. I have been reading every day though and checking in here a lot. I too am feeling my way a bit out of the nest. Even though I'm almost three months now I don't feel I have a lot to offer anyone just starting out.

Well that's about all for now. Oh FREEFLY I thought a lot waking up hungover in the tent. And I did see several of my fellow campers looking less than ' fresh' in the morning. Also SL my girlfriend did text me though she is very AA and while I think AA is a fantastick resource, I think I needed something a bit more personal, less bumper sticker. It helped though. No question about it and I'm grateful.

I'll keep reading, posting a bit. I have another outing tomorrow and I'm not going to lie...I am a bit nervous. It's only a day trip so I'll be driving. I just wish I didn't feel this way. I wish I could FAST FORWARD to Mr. G-dom and flip the switch, change the mindset, think positive... But he's right. It's really hard work, deliberate, intentional turning my back on those crazy cravings.
I've packed lots of fruit and my tonic. Should be Ok.....

Hugs to everyone,
:l

[scottish lass]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

Kradle - i have been waiting to hear from you, and WELL DONE!
I am so sorry you are feeling so down when you have had such a great success....but I do understand.....it is hard to know what the right thing to do is, but there is such a part that is fighting it....I am 50 too and have such similar feelings, especially after noon and onwards - I live for the mornings and wish that I could bottle that and drink it:H
I am proud for you, and I hope that you do find a way to celebrate the success - good luck tomorrow, please don't join me!!

[Kradle123]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

Thank you SL.

I've been think,ing a lot about you and your journey these last few days. Something you wrote about the sober head and the drink head.
It's true that they are different animals from the same place. I need to separate them. But I still don't know how it is to live without them both floating around in my ... Well my head

Off to bed. Big day tomorrow

Hugs,m
:l

[LillyE]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

Kradel, you are AMAZING! AmazingAmazingAmzing!!!

Well DONE on your AF camping trip - that is totally sensational!!!

I also have experienced getting through a big challenge AF and instead of feeling happy, feeling like drinking. I think maybe it is because it takes every bit of our strength to get through it and then we crave some release, our old escape and reward for a job well done. That, or maybe we lose sight of why we're working so hard to do this. Sooo? now is the time for you to a) Treat and reward yourself in some other way for your amazing success. b) Keep reminding yourself why you're working so hard to do this.

You're 50 so it's too late for you now to... what? To be happy? To be healthy? To be free? To enjoy life fully on its own terms? To reclaim your self respect? It's never too late for all those good things my dear. What's more, you deserve them. Do you want to enjoy the rest of your year in a miserable alcoholic fog? No, I didn't think so. KEEP GOING! :goodjob:

Scottish, when I thought about it a bit more I realized I have had times I *thought* I was solidly committed and suddenly slipped like you described. But I guess that commitment wasn't 100% there. That or it just scarily shows how easily it can rush back in. Wrest back control. You can do this.

[LillyE]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

Oops, KradLE, sorry!

[Guitarista]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

Welcome back Kradle!

Congrat's on an AF trip. Sounds like it was really hard for you. I know we can't last too long on will power alone either.

I was wondering. I imagine you're super busy, but do you take regular time out for yourself? Like 'me' time? For example, taking a few regular, quiet moments alone to reflect on your journey, where you are now, where you've come from, how you are feeling physically/emotionally/spiritually etc? Taking a step back.......I forget to do this, but i know it really helps for many folks. Take it easy, and throw that deprivation thinking out the door. We are not missing anything. We are gaining so much treasure, and it's all our's for the taking. I know this can be very hard to see when we are surrounded by drinkers, but when we rise above it, and listen to ourselves, our inner truth, and what we really want, we can move forward to live and not just exist. I know you know this stuff. I'm just waffling on again..........

There's a lot to be said for the law of attraction i reckon. Focusing on deprivation, we will attract that feeling/headspace. Focus on gratitude, then we will attract that feeling/headspace.

[scottish lass]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

Good Morning - in that gratitude frame of mind as it is morning and I feel good....hope I can hang onto it for a while - now they have names, maybe I can push gratitude daily into stealing deprivations time???
I am so glad I was sober last night - my 13 (almost 14year old) called in floods of tears - she spends a week with her dad and a week with me, and wants to stay with me full time - it is hard being away from her and trying to comfort her, but at 10pm I could not have managed any success if I had the AL head on!!

[LillyE]

An older drunk back on day one. Who's with me?

Hey Scottish,

I just read this article on the Spiritual River website (which I lovelovelove) and it made me think of you and our discussion about commitment. Now please don't think I'm chastising you for your slip or a lack of commitment or anything it's just something I'm still working my way towards too. It's hard to find that place of total commitment in a world so geared towards booze.

I don't know about you but for me the whole 'rock bottom' concept is actually unhelpful in a way. i've certainly had my dark nights of the soul with booze but because I hadn't hit a clear rock bottom sometimes it's still easy to start kidding oneself it's not really a problem and the cursed 'moderation' thoughts kick in. How do others deal with this? Finding that will to commit completely *without* a clear "rock bottom"?

Anyway in case it helps...

The One Reason that Most People Fail to Overcome an Addiction