Newbie

[mrsg]

Hi Everyone,

I'm new to all of this. Well I bought the MWO book about 2 years ago, but I didn't really do anything with it other than read it. At that time I went off alcohol for 3 months but I then decided I would go back drinking. Here's a v.brief history of mt drinking. I have loved my wine for about the last 10 years. In the last 5 I have been experiencing various negative effects e.g. occasional personality changes(getting v.aggressive with my husband) and very bad anxiety after drinking. I feel the anxiety is my main problem. I have cut down significantly in the last 5 years but I do get drunk occasionally (every 6-8 weeks) and that is when the panic and anxiety start! I would love to be a moderator, if that is possible. I'm AF nearly 3 weeks and its going ok but I do go to a lot of dinners/events and I'd love to be able to enjoy a few drinks. My dad is a chronic alcoholic and that frightens me a lot. Any advice would be most welcome. thank you xx

[mightymite]

Newbie

Welcome mrsg. I am glad you found us. I cannot comment on how to mod because I know I can't. I have tried many, many times in the past, only to fail. It only makes me crave it more. I began drinking more and more and knew I had to do something. I found this site thank goodness and read Jason Vale's book. I know I will never touch al again. From my perspective I think if you mod you still have a problem. My hubby can take or leave al. If he drinks, he drinks, if he doesn't he doesn't. At those times he has a drink I would never say he is modding because he doesn't even think about it. I would plan my weeks around when I would drink. Ok it's Thursday, I can have 2. It's the weekend I can have more now because it's the weekend. Oh, it's Monday, Tues, Wed, won't drink then. You see, I kept thinking about it and planning it. If someone doesn't have a problem they just don't think about it and don't need to plan. I don't know if you fall into this category, but just take a step back and ask yourself what will happen if you mod. Does it escalate for you? Hope this makes sense.

[Doggygirl]

Newbie

Hi mrsg and :welcome:!

I found that I cannot drink moderately either. Lord knows I tried. And tried and tried. I am FREE now in so many ways. AL is no longer a ball and chain on my life. I love it!

I am in school to hopefully one day become an addictions counselor. I am not there yet by any stretch but do want to comment on a couple of things in your post - things you just might want to research so you can make an informed decision.

1) When you experience anxiety following a drinking event, that anxiety is most likely a withdrawal symptom.

2) Alcohol dependence in your immediate family (parent) increases your own odds of being vulnerable to this addiction. (there is plenty of research available about that if you google around)

I wish you well whatever direction you decide to take. You are in a great place for support. It's nice that this forum supports both a moderation and an abstinence goal so you can pursue either direction, and change course if need be. Have you started the supplements, hypnosis cd's, etc. yet?

DG

[available]

Newbie

well dgirl those two points are me to a tee. This site is so good to put things into perspective. I am lovintg this site more than fb lol. Well off too work and then back on here to read threads for another night of AF. Feeling good and looking good as my son says!

DAY 3 3/11/2011

[mrsg]

Newbie

Newbie

Hi again,

Thanks for your kind words of advice. I'm still unsure what I'll do but I'm gonna stay AF for now as I am worried that moderating might not work. It hasn't the couple of times I tried before but I know I didn't really try also. I'm delighted to have a forum like this to chat to people who understand my situation. I don't think AA would be for me as I think it would be a bit 'full on' for my liking. However, I do now I have a problem and it's great to be able to share it. I haven't tried the supps or meditation yet but I'm going to start today. As for my anxiety, the alcohol def makes it worse but it's a problem I've had all my life nearly, long before I drank. I'm also aware that Depression/Anxiety and alcohol dependency can be related. Thanks again guys, I'll be in touch to let you know how I'm doing xxx

[available]

Newbie

goodluck MSRG, god i think if i can do it anyone can. my drinking has just gotten worse and worse and worse till i drink everyday and i now dont respect myself. I am a quiet drunk so tht is good but still chat on the phone to my other drunk friends and cant remember what i have said so being AF forever if possible will be great. i dont think i can drink in moderation but id like to try one day. Think the AF is a better choice though. Happy to get to day 4 tomorrow (in an hour to be exact) and know what sober feels like. My anxiety is lessening in even 3 days and i am not having tremors as much but very headachy.

Hope it all goes well and yes this site is great, no judging of others just love and support

[BlondeAFAmbition]

Newbie

Welcome MSRG!

I discovered MWO a little less than a year ago (January 2011) and it has helped me immensely in cutting down my wine drinking habit. I have slipped a few times this year and know that if I do not come to MWO regularly to participate, I usually go astray. So, I just came back yesterday and today is day 2 of being AF, which I am so excited about. I have tried to mod in the past but it just doesn't seem to work. I can't stop at one or 2 glasses of wine, I have to drink the whole bottle. So, I plan to not drink AL permanently, but am just taking it one day at a time. I also do not think that AA is right for me but it has worked for many here. I can feel for you on the panic attacks as I am prone to them also. So badly that my first severe one, I thought I was having a heart attack and was rushed to the emergency room. This was a few years ago and I had lots of stress in my life in addition to drinking heavily the night before it happened (I was in the midst of running a struggling business in a failing economy and very much in debt over my head!). Anyway, I believe that the heavy drinking made the panic attack worse if not being the cause of it from withdrawal. I also think that caffeine has to do with it also as sometimes it can make me panicky if I drink too much coffee. Lastly, I think that I am more prone to panic attacks if it is a PMS time, so it could have something to do with hormones in my case. Anyway, when I was sober for 2 months earlier this year, I did not have any panic episodes, so I know they are directly related with drinking. I hope you find the right path for you in going completely AF or moderation. For me, like DoggyGirl, I don't think moderation is an option and I'm OK with that . Good luck and welcome, you have come to a wonderful place in the universe!

[mrsg]

Newbie

Hi Guys,

Thanks for your advice, I can totally relate to you (BlondeAF) you regarding the panic attacks. When I was AF for 3 months before my anxiety pretty much disappeared. Well done on your AF days guys! Can I ask you, do you find that socializing is just SO difficult in the beginning going AF. I live in Ireland and I'm not exaggerating when I say every social event revolves around copious amounts of alcohol. Everyone I know drinks a lot when out but most seem to handle the hangovers much better than me. I don't want to never go out but I think in the beginning it's probably better. How have you all coped? Thanks xx

[mrsg]

Newbie

Hi Everyone,

It's the morning in Ireland and we are having an unusually beautiful sunny day. Feel good at the moment but as I mentioned earlier, I go from happy to sad in a nano second lately, but I guess that is normal. I found last night quite difficult as it was nearly the weekend, the first night in the week I might have a drink. I was quite and grumpy, but after a while I realised I had forgotten about it, which I was happy about. Last weekend was a real tester for me, the kids were away, it was a "love in" for my husband and I. My husband arrives home with flowers and a big hamper full of wine, cheese and other goodies, the hamper was a present from a friend. I nearly cried, this was/is my idea of heaven, but I didn't have it. The week before my husband arrived home with a box of fine wine, a present from his Mum, again it was a tester. Before I went AF this time, do you think I'd get presents like that? No way!!! They are in our utility room at the moment and I'm not thinking about them too much. Anyway, another weekend, but I'm feeling a little stronger. Hope you all have a good day xxx

[mrsg]

Newbie

Hi Everyone,

It's the morning in Ireland and we are having an unusually beautiful sunny day. Feel good at the moment but as I mentioned earlier, I go from happy to sad in a nano second lately, but I guess that is normal. I found last night quite difficult as it was nearly the weekend, the first night in the week I might have a drink. I was quite and grumpy, but after a while I realised I had forgotten about it, which I was happy about. Last weekend was a real tester for me, the kids were away, it was a "love in" for my husband and I. My husband arrives home with flowers and a big hamper full of wine, cheese and other goodies, the hamper was a present from a friend. I nearly cried, this was/is my idea of heaven, but I didn't have it. The week before my husband arrived home with a box of fine wine, a present from his Mum, again it was a tester. Before I went AF this time, do you think I'd get presents like that? No way!!! They are in our utility room at the moment and I'm not thinking about them too much. Anyway, another weekend, but I'm feeling a little stronger. Hope you all have a good day xxx[/QUOTE]

[available]

Newbie

Hi MSRG

Night time in Aus and feeling pretty happy about nearly at day 5.
God getting all those goodies tht would have driven me to the edge i think, so good on u for putting them away, maybe give them out as xmas gifts. Its funny how when u dont want someone to talk about something it always comes up. There were so may conversations today about going out for a drink on the weekend etc that i wanteed to explode but i just smiled. I reckon Australia could give Ireland a run for its money on drinking, we dont need a reason to drink. if it is sunny we will celebrate and drink and i am sure there are many of me in this fine country that keep it to themselves.

My panic attacks are getting better now though i was really nervous driving to work this morning and thinking i would have to pull over but after a stern talking to by me i made it to work. probably not used to driving sober i would say.

[Ellaq]

Newbie

Hi Mrsg

Another Irish girl here but one that lives in Australia. I really understand the pressure to drink in Ireland, even when I was pregnant and breastfeeding they were all saying to just have one, what harm will it do. I resisted then, it was so much easier then.

I notice also that a lot of people that binge drink in Ireland don't really have a problem, they do it for social reasons and then don't think about AL at all in between times. My brothers are like that.

Good luck with your journery.

[Doggygirl]

Newbie

Hi mrsg. Just checking in to see how you are doing!

DG

[Ellaq]

Newbie

Molly......you can't say rooting in Oz. Many an embarassing situation I have found myself in for using that word. :H

[mrsg]

Newbie

Hi Everyone,
It's evening time here and as we all know weekends are the worst. I'm doing OK but struggling a little. It's great to belong to the forum and chat to people who really understand. It's really helping me. Thanks for all your advice and support everyone, it makes this journey a lot easier. As I mentioned earlier its tough in Ireland where people drink all the time but for all of us its tough Anywhere and Everywhere in the world!! Pizza time now, better go, have a lovely night, chat tomorrow xxxx