Is anyone flying solo?

[FreeFly]

Loads of beautiful folk out there with families, partners etc. Wondering if anyone out there is doing this alone. I know we all are to some extent, but I'm keen to hear about anyone else who has the evenings to get through without significant others. Daytimes are fine for me - plenty of people to connect with if I choose - but the evenings are a whole other matter.
Would love to hear how you cope, if you are in fact flying solo.
Thanks

[Lavande]

Is anyone flying solo?

I am CantBelieve!

Married for 38 years but living alone the past 19 months......
my husband has his own issues, left a year after I quit

I do spend an enormous amount of time alone, eating alone, etc & it has been a huge adjustment. But you can finds things to do to keep yourself sane & occupied
I have resumed reading, something I hadn't done for a few years. I have found I enjoy the programs & guided meditations on Emotional Healing Arts Meditation Workshops | Chopra.com

I do spend a few evenings/week watching grandkids which is fun but leaves me longing for adult, intelligent conversation. I spend lots of time here on MWO & have made some wonderful friends

I'm just living day to day & trying to not worry about the future. My plans were all shot to hell when he ran out.

Lav

[sunshinedaisies]

Is anyone flying solo?

Hey there Can'tbelieve - I am married, but Hubs works shifts so I spend most of my time alone. He comes to bed as I am getting up. So, YES I am spending evenings alone, except I work shifts too, so have many evenings alone. Are you AF? Still drinking? Where are you on your journey? can you give us a little more info? There are usually folk here that can talk to you. Let us know - okay?

Hugs, sun XX

[Guitarista]

Is anyone flying solo?

Hey CB,

Me too. And with not many responsibilities, and often left to my own devices, it can possibly be more difficult. But i have used the peace and quiet to focus on getting sober with fewer distractions, so i've turned the solo thing into a positive. But i make sure i get out and do things, see people, and keep busy with stuff i enjoy, which for me is making music. Keeping busy and distracted in those danger times are important. Some great idea's here in our toolbox. https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

Great going on your AF time so far. Keep it going!

[Doggygirl]

Is anyone flying solo?

I am married, but one of the facets of my relationship with my husband is that he does NOT appreciate "neediness." During the last few years of my drinking, I was expecting my happiness to come from him, and I was mad at him because I was so miserable. And of course, pour some AL on top of that hot mess.....boy was I sick. Now I see that whether I am married or not, live with another adult or not, *I* am responsible for my inner peace and happiness.

These days we are two strong people who take individual responsibility for our happiness, peace of mind, entertainment, etc. We enjoy our time together, and in recovery, I can also enjoy the time I spend alone or with other friends. It's much healthier.

I really encourage you and everyone to look deep inside as you seek recovery. Take responsibility for your own peace of mind and happiness. If you are in a relationship, your relationship will probably be better for it. If you are alone, you will definitely be better for it I think.

Good luck to you. You can do this. It's so hard at first, but the rewards are well worth it.

DG

[Chillgirl]

Is anyone flying solo?

Cantbelieve - I got sober alone and actually felt it was a huge advantage. I methodically planned my new life and was grateful there was no one to interupt my new regimes or to interfere with my way of doing it. I also was able to concentrate 100% on myself and that helped me focus only on my sobreity with no distractions. There were also no relationship emotional ups and downs. We all know too well that "f**k you" mentality we get after a dispute which can lead to a blow out.

Having someone else there in the evening you might have to cope with them drinking or not understanding what you are going through. Use the free time to do things you have wanted to do but never had the chance when you were drinking. Treat yourself to relaxing baths and listening to feel good music. Take a class in something or go exercise.

I know it may seem like a lonely journey but use it to your advantage. Once you get yourself in a good strong place you will be in a much better frame of mind to cope with that someone else. If you have good friends you can confide in, make sure you call them when you are experiencing urges. I came here and used MWO as my significant other to get me through the hard times.

Sending you love and strength.

[FreeFly]

Is anyone flying solo?

Hi Lav, Sunshine, Guitarista, DG & Chill – thanks for taking the time to reply, I really appreciate it.
Lav – Wow, that must have hurt. 38 years is a long time. Do you have a relationship with him now? Makes me wonder where he was/is with AL. Could he just not handle you becoming AF? Hope you don’t mind me asking – I’m just curious.

I’m a reader too and am also resurrecting creative hobbies. I couldn’t sit still as a child – always had to be doing something. As an adult AL became my dominant hobby – what a waste! I started because of intense shyness but that is no longer a problem. I read on one of your posts that in the end, you were drinking out of habit. That’s exactly where I find myself – just a ridiculous, perpetuating habit, but one that I’m hopefully finally kicking.

I’m very grateful for your support and wisdom – you’re most definitely the matriarch of the newbies nest (along with Byrdie I think). Thank you! Thanks also for Chopra – will check it out.

Hi Sun – thanks for the message. I’ve drunk enough to last a lifetime so enough is enough. I’ve always been functional but I know there’s so much more within me that I’m just wasting. Throwing away my gifts – makes me sad. It’s bonkers really because I know exactly what I’m doing and what I’m missing out on. Go figure!

Guitarista, I totally resonate with your post. Something has hit a chord with me – excuse the pun! -you use your time as a positive. I’ve also got a Korg M1 tucked under my bed. It’s been collecting dust for some time. Factory sounds gone due to internal battery failure. I’m posting this because it makes me accountable. Been meaning to sort it for a while. Going to get it fixed and get back on that keyboard!

DG – thank you. It’s good to hear of someone in a relationship who’s flying solo as it where, but in a relationship. Reminds me of Kahil Gibrain’s words, “let the winds of heaven dance between you”. We can only have a truly authentic relationship when we know ourselves. It’s why I won’t enter into a partnership until I’ve got this licked. Been there, done that.

Chill – thank you too. You reinforce the advantages of being alone. Sometimes reading these posts I’ve felt like a bit of a “failure” because, even though I resonate with people’s stories, they still manage to have husbands, kids etc. I’m grateful to hear the positive of being alone reinforced.

A really long post – I’m sorry! But I wanted to come back to each of you with gratitude. Your words mean so much and I don’t feel like such an oddball. In fact I feel energised and am realising just how lucky I am that I don’t have unwanted “shackles” (referring to my past, and not anyone on MOW) or responsibilities, and that I actually have a blank canvas to work with.

Feeling blessed to have stumbled upon this site.

[WickedMom]

Is anyone flying solo?

Hi CantBelieve,
I am married and have 2 young children. The most difficult part of my day is dealing with all three of them after school and in the evening. Instead of the hollering, chaos and whining, surrounding the homework, piano lessons, dinner, baths etc. I often wish I were alone -- this is when I feel tempted to have a drink the most . And to make matters worse my husband still drinks every day. It irritates me a lot and I am grateful for the evenings when he teaches late...

[FreeFly]

Is anyone flying solo?

Hi WickedMom

Appreciate you posting. It's always good to hear the other perspective. Yes, I can imagine those evenings are hard too. Guess the grass is always greener, but sometimes when I'm around friends with little ones, I'm grateful when I leave just to get a bit of peace.

Well done you though for wanting to be AF - that is so much harder being around someone who wants to continue. You sound like a strong lady

[Guitarista]

Is anyone flying solo?

CantBelieveI'mStillAtIt;1204254 wrote:

Guitarista, I totally resonate with your post. Something has hit a chord with me ? excuse the pun! -you use your time as a positive. I?ve also got a Korg M1 tucked under my bed. It?s been collecting dust for some time. Factory sounds gone due to internal battery failure. I?m posting this because it makes me accountable. Been meaning to sort it for a while. Going to get it fixed and get back on that keyboard!


I actually have a blank canvas to work with.

Get cracking then CB! :b&d:

When we get sober, we are a blank canvas indeed. Keep it going.

G-bloke.

[Today]

Is anyone flying solo?

:goodjob:

This is a great thread, thanks for starting it!

I am going AF alone, but I am finding it works for me right now. What started me down the AF road was actually my relationship breaking up and looking back, it was the best thing that could have happened. My ex-boyfriend and I lived together and drank together. Heavily. Almost everyday after work, one of us would want to go to the liquor store, and the other likely to get a bottle, case etc as well. I don't blame him for my drinking, I was well on the road already but we did "enable" each other. Weekends, all we did was drink.

It was April 1 (Fools day) this year where I woke up and could not remember the night before. I was alone, and my boyfriend had decided he would move out. He never did come back and moved his things out soon after. I still don't remember the fight and cringe to think of my behaviour. I had black outs and I used to think it was better not to remember my actions and words. It wasn't, and it is hard to deal with what you can't deal with (does that make any sense?)

As of Oct 30, I was 86 days AF and then moderated (okay, I drank) every day of a vacation in Las Vegas. I did not binge drink and I remember my trip and every bright shiny light. That feels nice. I will continue to take day by day and generally choose not to drink.

Alone, I find I can do the things I like to do. I read, watch movies and TV I like, am sober enough to make plans with friends (only a few that I didn't scare away), and have made new friends. I do get lonely, nights are the worst for me too. Still, I find strength in myself and when needed, reach out to my friends. I am lucky also that my work has a wonderful Employee Assistance plan (EAP) and I have access to a 1-800 line where I can talk to someone if needed (I have used at 6am and at midnight). After all, we are never completely alone. Hope that doesn't sound naive, and I hope everyone does have at least 1 person they can reach out to. If not, come here! We are here for you :thanks:

[Anjicia]

Is anyone flying solo?

:hello2: And good morning from a frostry Dublin. I too am flying solo and i do find it lonely at times. But the place i'm at now its best for me to concentrate on my sobriaty then to try looking for a partner i made that mistake before and when things didn't work out it was back to heavy drinking and moping around. Evenings can be a hard but i started getting back in to reading watching films and some tv programmes and i'm on face book and i play some games on there. I have 2 cats who are good company. I just started doing Zumba fit once a week and i try to walk each day. Being single has advantages as mentioned here you watch what you want on tv eat when and what you want for dinner no one snoring of farting beside lol. Though wud love to be in a relationship for love and companionship i ned to work myself before going down that road. Also i just turned 50 this year so its not easy here to anyone as most guys just casual no strings attached affairs and i think i deserve more than that so i just don't bother looking anymore. I only ever had one long term reltionship and that was in my 20's and wasn't good. So i'm just to trying to concentrate on living a better life and to be happy. I'm also not working but looking to do a coarse of some sort that will get me back to work as living on benefit isn't easy and i've fallen behind wit bills, another reason not ot drink. Its the start of day 6 for me and just having my coffee and watchin morning tv. Wishing you all happy monday. :thumbs:

[available]

Is anyone flying solo?

Hi FF and TODAY looks like we are all in the same boat being single. I can understand why a man wld not want me the way i was and FF u are right all they want is no strings attached and i am over that one as well. I think i need to concentrate on me and being happy before i go and find my soulmate, well if he is out there and if not i have my kids and two dogs. I plan on finding a hobby this summer but no idea what, my last hobby didnt work out to my advantage i must say. Hoping the next one makes me friends and gets me out and about. Not sure about zumba i have the coordination of a gnat but am enjoying my walking so that is a start.

well girls we can do this, we have started our way to a better life and AF which is the best, the rest wil fall into place. No going back for me.

[Prairie Fairy]

Is anyone flying solo?

I can get with this thread. In a long distance relationship where I see the SO every other week and when luck every weekend. (so rare - not worth mentioning really)

So every other weekend - I am in a city I have lived in a year where I don't have friends/support - and I have not formally admitted to anyone what I am attempting other than a "nutritional detox like I do every few years to get my body back in order since I feel gross."

So - it's you guys. You are the only formal support I have. And I thank God for you frequently.

[Accountable for Me]

Is anyone flying solo?

Hi!

I found I couldn't get sober being in a relationship; as my ex was also a binge drinker. We would have 'periods' of sobriety - good intentions, but then something would lead us back. Whether it would be he or I placing those, 'I'm bored, need a drink' thoughts out there.

Having a support system is awesome for those who do!!!

For me, being the control freak I am, I had to do this solo. I could not stand anyone telling me that I shouldn't drink. That is where my defiance would come in, and it would end up a, 'I'll show you I can drink just find, thank you'. Which would lead me on to another bender because the hangover was too much to bare.

It has taken a LONG time for me to actually take a long hard look at myself on the inside. I have always known I had a problem, but to really admit it and kick the drink to the curb has been a long road. There are always so many 'excuses' in my brain for wanting one or 20. Kids, family, illness, etc..... IT took a long time to start retraining my brain to believe that life is really worth living wholly, not halfheartedly.

At first we all need to adjust to a change in routine. Boredom and loneliness are triggers. The more you practice a change in routine, and find peace with your just 'being', the easier it gets to stop drinking.

I cannot believe the difference in all of my 'relationships'. IT is such a freeing feeling being comfortable within yourself, and being able to really live life without drinking.

Anyway, I am just rambling. Part of which I was up at 4am this morning and bored. LOL.

Good luck to you. This process is definitely something that comes from within. Support or not, it is ultimately up to you!! xoxo