Picking myself up....

[noal]

Picking myself up....

I was dealing with my problems by drinking everyday to get drunk and then telling myself every morning I need to stop this cycle....the problems were a good excuse to drink but I was becoming worthless and my family was starting to suffer big time because of my drinking so I had to try something different this time.

I made an appointment with my doctor and for the first time I talked to him about my addiction, told him I wanted to try medication this time....this was a big step forward for me. He prescribed campral and it is working very well. Campral has done something to my brain, drinking doesn't even sound good any more..I am on day 21 and feeling great....my next goal is 30 days AF and I am very confident I will make it....every day I can't believe how good I feel physically and mentally.... i am happy.

I read this forum daily, it is part of my plan....can't say enough about the tool box. I think its the first place new comers should go and a great toll for building a plan. I have also been educated about the health issues drinking can cause...thats another big reason for me to follow thru with the new me.

I'm new to this site so I haven't really don't have much to offer...I'm terrible at giving advice but there is plenty to read here from people who make a lot of sense.

I like the fact that I can check in, write something that gives me some accountability (for myself) and the need to keep up with the forum.

Challenges are still there....they are just easier to fix when I am sober, infact most of them seem to work themselves out on their own.

Thanks for this site and good luck to all.

[BlondeAFAmbition]

Picking myself up....

Get the booze outta the house! It will keep calling your name until you do. It will make you feel stronger if you let it go, trust me!

[MyFreeWill]

Picking myself up....

Panacea - My husband & I filed chapter 7 in 2009 after a huge mess. It did relieve the pain but we still had to deal with the aftermath. There is no shame. It is what it is. Plus, we have many friends who probably have similar situations and put on a false face. You never really know someone's truth.

The thing is - life happens. I would not be ashamed for one minute more. You made a choice to accept your situation and move forward. Be proud. Most really successful business people have tried and failed financially multiple times! They don't see it as failure. Lessons! Lessons!

Stop caring what other people think of you. Put the drink down because it is adding to the depression, self doubt and viscious cycle. You are a wonderful and valuable person.

Money is necessary in this life but learn that it is not the end all be all. Change how you view money. Change how you view success. Many people who do have money do things immoral to maintain that income/status. Who wants that - really? Who wants money when you are starving on the inside for contentment/fulfillment?

Life is a journey and you are at the fork in the road. What a wonderful place to be. You have choices. You can choose to take a different path. It may be a bit bumpy and you may not have a good map but try to see further down the path. It gets brighter and more exciting.

You know exactly how the old path will be. I encourage you to try the new one. Put the wine down. Make a plan. Use the tools available. Seek medical advice help if needed. There is no shame in taking medication (anti-craving meds, anti-depressants etc.) while you begin or forever if that is what you need.

It is so much easier when you just say - I am done. I have a true addiction, allergy, problem with alcohol. Okay. Children don't drink and are very self content and happy and accept life as it is!!!!!

Blessings to you.....you can do it!!!!

[MyFreeWill]

Picking myself up....

Panacea-
I should add that only you know all your "secrets." You don't have to share them with anyone. Move forward and stop telling people. You will truly learn who your friends are and value them. The ones who prove to be @##holes....well now you know.

My true friends know everything and have witnessed my drinking at it's worse - they are loving, respectful, forgiving and best yet - they do not bring up the bad stuff and remind me of it. We only talk about the good times we had drinking. I will admit - I had a lot of fun drinking or I would not have kept at it for so long. But it wasn't fun in the last 4 years and like all good things.....they eventually come to an end.

[K9Lover]

Picking myself up....

Hi Panacea!
I have to agree with others here, first of all, get rid of the alcohol in the house?why make it harder on yourself? Secondly, know that you are definitely not alone. One of the best things about this site is that no matter what you?ve done or had happen to you, someone here has also experienced the same thing, and sometimes worse. I filed for bankruptcy in 2000, after 2 DUI?s that cost me over $20,000. I was in such a hole that I still can?t believe I ever got out. But all I did was take it little by little, and now that nightmare is behind me?and I actually feel proud that I was able to make such a turn around. You will get past this, but drinking will not help. I have a teenager as well, and as I posted in another thread, I had a real eye opening experience one day when she laid it all out on the table for me?that I was breaking her heart every time I drank, how she has nightmares that I?m going to have liver failure or lung cancer?it was horrible, in a good way (if that makes sense). I needed to hear it, and honestly, she?s probably the only person in the world that I?d listen to about it. So please remember that our drinking affects others even if we don?t think it does. Please stay strong and check in here regularly, you will find so much support and advice. I look forward to hearing more from you!
K9

[Panacea]

Picking myself up....

Hi All,

Thanks for your responses. I didn't get rid of that wine 2 weeks ago. I continued to drink a bottle a night till yesterday. For some reason, I woke up yesterday morning and said today is the day. Ending the day today with no wine, so this will be my 2nd day w/no alcohol. Everytime I try to begin talking here, I get teary eyed. I don't know why. I felt pretty good today. Its amazing how productive I was at work, not being all foggy. I'm rarely truly hungover, but always "not normal" due to the restless sleep and the lingering alcohol in my system. Then a little argument w/my daughter tonight about her Algebra grade got me worked up. I dropped her off at her friends and thought "I can't WAIT for a glass of wine"! I needed gas, purposely went to the gas station that has a mini-mall w/a liquor store. I did by two pints, but at the OTHER store in that complex and it was Ben and Jerrys! and YES, I ate them both! I feel fat and lazy, my mouth is numb, but I'm not drinking!

Thanks again for all your kind words. I'll be reading alot on here tonight for inspiration.

[mrsg]

Picking myself up....

Hi Panacea,

Well done on not drinking, nearly 2 days AF, that fantastic!!! We all have to pick the right time to give up. Just don't drink today, don't think about tomorrow until it comes. I know AL can feel like a stress reliever, but we know it isn't really. I'm 39 days AF and I feel much, much better. Of course I still have cravings, but we need to remember that for us alcohol is a CRUTCH, it only makes us feel better in the short-term and f$$ks everything up in the long-term. I guarantee if you give this time, you will feel a whole lot better. My anxiety, which I am plagued with when I drink is almost gone. I'm not working at the moment and very little money, but you know, it will all be fine, and it will be for you too. Congratulations on taking this big step and remember we are always here for you xxx

[if dreams were horses]

Picking myself up....

Why is it almost everyone I read drinks or did drink wine, I used to joke that I could never be an alcoholic, but I could become a wino, not realizing it was the same thing.
I agree Panacea, do not beat your self up, I have done that and it gets us no where. I think right now I am lucky, for I have recently lost my job, so my funds are not there to through away on wine. I still am fighting the after affects of drinking 2 litres a day or more every day, from the time I open my eyes till the time I go to bed, and yes I took a glass with me. So you really should pat yourself on the back for not giving in till after 5, I applaud you, I wish I could have done that. Today is day 2 of being AF and over 40 hours, because I would drink in the middle of the night when I could not sleep, I count every hour. You will find the strength, if I can, I believe you can

[Unwasted]

Picking myself up....

Panacea - love your avatar and screen name both. Just wanted to send you some support. You CAN do this.

Hugs,:l

[Pinecone]

Picking myself up....

Panacea, great job! I have found reading and posting to be very helpful here. I can identify with the kind of spiritual/emotional anguish of half existing because of my drinking problem. I'm pulling for you!

[Australia]

Picking myself up....

So glad to hear someone else with bad anxiety! I wasn't sure but I think alcohol causes it?

[Unwasted]

Picking myself up....

Australia - no question that alcohol causes anxiety -- I used to be riddled with it -- after going AF, it's completely gone.

[Panacea]

Picking myself up....

SSDD

Panacea;1204613 wrote: Is it possible? I've posted here before, but not for a very long time. Hi everyone!

Just to start, I've been a "partier" since my teen years. The last 10 (I'm 47), the same but with the added bottle of wine (sometimes more) every night. Basically, I'm an alcoholic but have pretended over the years that I'm okay. Very easy to do when I'm sober or not hungover.

Anyway, my drinking led me to believe that I thought I was wealthy, sortof. I would spend (on credit of course) for pretty much anything I thought I needed. I was keeping up the Joneses, knowing I couldn't, but could have a drink or 4 and forget about it. Well, it finally caught up with me and I could no longer do it. Filed for bankruptcy Sept 2010, gave up my house and car etc. It was one of the worst things to go through emotionally. Well, now its said and done and I can't shake the guilt and feeling of being a failure, so what do I do? I'm still drinking my wine, even a little more now every night but its just making it worse. I'm isolated, try to avoid everyone. Not just because of the drinking (though I believe its magnifying the situation), but the shame and guilt of what I had to do over the last year. I feel worthless and ashamed and that I'm an outsider looking into all my friends lives. That I don't belong anymore since I'm such a failure. So my days Mon-Fri have become work, eat, drink wine, go to bed....my weekends are just lay around all day, then pop the bottle of wine. I'm not drinking early in the day (I take "pride" in the fact I can usually wait till about 5pm! Wow, quite an accomplishment!)... but I fear its only a matter of time due to the isolation. I have a teen (15) and they're doing good. I do manage to meet their commitments but I know its not on a level I'm capable of if I were sober or stronger emotionally.

My life is out there somewhere, I know it is. I just can't reach it and I know its because of the alcohol. I'm scared and alone and just want to feel better.

Thanks for listening.

Well, hi. Not much has changed and I found myself back here again. I'm scared though nothing majorly bad has happened. Maybe I'm so scared because nothing has changed. My life is no life at all. Just work, drink, and sleep, though sleep's not going so well anymore. I just seem to "scrape" by in life. Neverending nothing days. My teen is now 18 and she's a pretty good girl, considering I've taken a back seat in life. I've always managed to get through because of her, but now that she's older and much more independent....I'm even more alone.

I want to be here, I want to be a better person but just don't feel I have anyone to talk to about my issues. My family has no idea how bad off I am, how depressed and lonely, and I'm scared to let everyone down admitting I failed at life.

Thanks for reading, if you did....feel a little better just getting it off my chest. I'm going to try again, try to keep coming on here, and try to remember what life has to offer that's good instead of life just being a pain in my ass.

[j-vo]

Picking myself up....

HI Panacea,
Welcome back. Yes, life can be so much better without alcohol. I had a slip this past weekend, but know that was my last Day 1. Since October, so many great things have happened since I quit drinking. I don't know if they "happened" or maybe more like how i feel about myself. I know that i can never pick up a drink, because I won't have a life, just as you mentioned. It's no life at all feeling like crap day in and out. But stick close to the boards and read as much as you can. You're in the right place if you want to get out of this hell. It is possible. Make your plan, your gratitude list, and remember, we are here to support you,

[briseus]

Picking myself up....

Welcome back Panacea ~ it's good to see you back here...when I began reading your post initially I had no idea that it was from 2011.
I am in the same boat - I know what that voice is like...how it feels like there are two people in your head. I just came back here after a year now...I was doing well...but then I feel off the wagon again. My life isn't unmanageable but I am just sick of drinking - sick of the vicious circle. I am so much more productive when I am not drinking AL. I love the feeling of not having it in my system…waking up, feeling refreshed and ready to take on the day - it's just that first day I have to get through…and then battling through the weekends. So I know all too well what it feels like.
When you did have some AL-free time how did that feel like to you?? What did you do to fill up that time? I realize now that I really have to plan my nights - I can't keep booze in the house…I can't not be doing anything.
I need to be held accountable so therefore I am going to see an addictions counsellor (have you considered that?)…and also stick close to these boards as well. Read every night during the times when I would drink.
I want to get out of it as much as you do. We can help one another.
I agree with J-vo as well.
Also…reading has helped me in the past. Lots of reading - on alcoholism and cravings and everything. Maybe it will help you too?
We can do this. Please keep coming back.