Thinking of trying to moderate?

[lolab]

Quite possibly there?s been a thread like this in the past ? my apologies. I thought it may help to have a place to post our experiences of drinking again?.after a period of abstinence. The thought occurs to most people ? whether we succeeded at 15 days, 30 days ? 100 days or 3 years?I guess some people are successful at moderating but if you?ve turned back and tried to go AF again, please share your story.

After I made 30 days earlier in the year, I slowly let my guard down and ended up wasting another 5 months drinking before I succeeded again - ?.I didn?t ?consciously? decide to moderate ? but by the end of the 5 months with a box of wine under my bed and a vodka bottle in my closet, I knew I wasn?t succeeding! I went on a wonderful vacation and decided that since I never sleep well the night before I travel, I may as well drink the night before?..I was so sick and hungover I was afraid to look the flight attendant in the eye. It was a nightmare?and so were the first couple of days of the vacation with limited alcohol. This was AFTER I enjoyed the euphoria of being alcohol free for over 30 days and knowing how great my life was.

I wonder- back when I was first thinking that I could have that one glass of wine at a shower (after my 30 days) if I had read a bunch of actual experiences of the regret that people feel about taking that first drink after a period of abstinence ? and how hard it is to quit again ? if it would have made a difference. I?m not sure ? I mean I was aware ? but the key to me is repeatedly reading things ? so maybe.

So in an effort to help anyone who is at that point ? thinking ?I did my 30 days and now I?ll re-evaluate?.I think I can drink socially and keep it under control? ? or even those that have enjoyed abstinence for longer periods and decide that they may be able to moderate - or the ones that experience a stressful event that drives them back?..I thought that if we shared stories of what happened when we were in similar situations and grouped them all together ? it might help. Also if I ever get the crazy notion again that I could ever drink normally, I could look to a place and be reminded what road I am contemplating going down.

So, while I don?t live with a huge bunch of regret, I do know that after drinking for most of my son?s childhood years I finally was able to make the change last spring. I stopped drinking. And when I started again, I wasted the spring and summer of him being 13 years old?.and we?ll never get that back. That glass of wine at the shower ? to fit in ? was so not worth it.
~lola

[BelleGirl]

Thinking of trying to moderate?

Lola, what a timely post for me. On day 26 now and thinkin' of course about hmmmmm...maybe I can drink someday within some "parameters". The parameters for me would have to be 1) never drinking alone 2) always make sure someone else (like husband) sees or pours the amount I am drinking and 3) (BIG ONE) NEVER, NO NEVER drink straight vodka in the laundry room..don't even touch it, and the best thing to do would be to toss it out. (I guess that is about the same as number 1).

Right now, though I would like to just keep chugging along stringing one AF day after another. But I am planning for the day which I am sure will come when I do think a drink would be fine.

I would love to hear stories about people attempting to mod and what rules, if any, they set up for them selves.

[windy]

Thinking of trying to moderate?

What is posted below is part of a post for someone on the Newbies Nest, but it is appropriate for this tread too. As stated below, I did a 30 day stint and felt like I could manage moderation. Looking back I seriously thought I was not that bad. I am not going to explain to you why or how much I drank to make any excuses for that feeling, but I had them based on the amount of consumption. Bottom line, anything over 7 drinks in one week for women is NOT moderation. But, I digress: I had proven to myself I could go 30 days without alcohol, so that proved it...Right??? Wrong. I may not have been drinking what is considered "heavy", but it was more than was healthy to me and that was my wake-up call. I am a women who is barely 5'1" tall, so it doesn't take much for me either and that has to be considered too.


...I am now on about 52 days and there was a time when I completed 30 days before I finally decided to go AF indefinitely. I thoughts I had it under control and could then moderate; that was a lie. I did manage to cut down dramatically, but It was not enough. I needed to be AF for good. What convinced me and what I had to recognize was that I was not going to be satisfied with just having a few. I craved alcohol and at that point, I knew that was not normal behavior. So...in order for me to commit to AF, I had to admit I was not a normal drinker and never would be because I CRAVE ALCOHOL and that MAKES ME DIFFERENT than normal drinkers. I do not believe a self-confessed "problem drinker" can successfully moderate. That was the fact I had to embrace for me.

So what I watch for is that fricken voice (I call booze brain) that starts trying to convince you that you are doing so good, go ahead and have just one, little drinkee poo...you're okay, you can handle it...look how far you've come...wouldn't it be nice with dinner...blah...blah...blah..... Don't believe it for one minute. Kick the beast in the teeth and don't let it talk to you like that.



And Lolab...I don't really think it would have done me any good to read what others had experienced with experimenting with moderation, I felt I was "different". I had to learn the hard way, but for me, that's what will make it stick FOR GOOD. I really hope there are some people out there reading this who don't have to find out the hard way. Boy I really hope I don't sound too opinionated. I also believe every one of us has our own unique path we must follow and some things we just have to learn for our selves. That being said, I think it is a great idea to hear what other people have to say and to share in regards to this...Who knows - there may have been someone out there that shared their story that could have really made a difference for me, and things would have happened sooner. So..I do hope people will share their story here too.

I have to say too, it took me a long time to commit to AFness after my 30 day stint and I was doing okay sometimes, but there was always that off chance I would pick up a bottle of wine and finish it...and that is not moderation. I had to admit I was a buzz chaser and always will be...ALWAYS...sorry to say, there is no going back or me.

Good luck everyone.

[mightymite]

Thinking of trying to moderate?

Good morning everyone and what a beautiful day it is. Well, I thought I would reply to this thread since I just made the decision to mod and to answer your question, Belle, about what rules mods have set for themselves. Well, here goes and I am only speaking for myself: I know I can never drink in a social situation again. That means at parties, funerals, weddings, holidays or even with one or two other people OTHER than my hubby. I was never a big drinker when at home. I was drinking Thur-Sun and having 2-3 glasses at those times. I never finished off a bottle of wine (except during those social situations) and I do not drink anything other than Chardonnay. I can't stand the taste of hard liquor or even red wine and I was not a closet drinker. My hubby is not a big drinker and therefore I do not have that to entice me. I made the decision because it was a beautiful, warm day and I just simply wanted to sit with my hubby, watch the sun go down and have a glass of wine. I did not crave more and I have not had any since. I discussed all of this with my hubby and he is fine with my decision. I am still accountable to him and myself. It's funny, but now that I have allowed myself those occasional glasses, I really don't have a craving. I have an open bottle of Chardonnay in the fridge with one glass taken out and it sits there. I don't know if it's because I gave myself 22 days off or what. I do believe it is because I found this site. I have always wanted to scale back but did not know how. I have found the tools to now do just that and I am confident and happy in my decision. I will have myself armed with AF drinks during Thanksgiving and I just know I can do it and won't drink. I know that many, many people cannot mod and should not. I can only say that this works for me and I certainly don't encourage others to try if they know in their hearts that it would lead them back down that rabbit hole. I know what my triggers are I am confident that I will stick to my rules and goals.
I agree with you wholeheartedly, lolab, about not modding if you know you can't and I am not here to undermine your thread. I think what you wrote will help many, many people when they come to that crossroad about taking that drink or not. I so respect all that you post and you have such an uncanny ability to paint the real picture. I was just wanted to answer Belle's question.

[lolab]

Thinking of trying to moderate?

Thanks mightymite I hope you do well!

You're right though it wasn't really the intent of the thread- but that's ok.

I have actually spent such a huge amount of time on here 'watching' people start to do well then make rules and start to moderate and eventually come back deciding to go AF. I am one of those people. I made rules and eventually broke them I tried everything. There are so nanyang stories about the same thing on this site I just thought if I and Others could read them in one place ratherthan looking around and looking at old posts and such to find out the long road that we have traveled to arrive at a decision to take alcohol completely out of the equation - that it might help.

Believe me I had the rules and I stuck to them .......for awhile...

[lolab]

Thinking of trying to moderate?

I hope Molly doesn't mind my linking to a post of hers.... https://www.mywayout.org/community/f7...ml#post1210669

[Struggles 106]

Thinking of trying to moderate?

Hey MM

Just curious-what made you decide to "moderate"? I would have to assume that this effort is the result of problems with drinking, i.e. blackouts, hangovers, all the bad stuff that goes with excessive drinking.
Is this the case or no?

[caysea]

Thinking of trying to moderate?

Hi All

30 days af is great but in my case not much time compared to an al lifestyle for over 40 years. When i realized I was an alcholic it took this choice of mod away from me. Alcholics can't drink we will end up back in the bottle. If you have a long history of al in your life a break of 30 days really isn't much time. If you haven't come to the conclusion you are an alcholic, I know people don't like this label, then trying mod I am sure will give you the answer. Seems many here have found out the hard way. Non of us with some good af time regret the choice. Many here are sorry , after doing the hard work for 30 days, they started drinking again.

Stay Healthy and Keep Fighting
AF 5-16-08

[lolab]

Thinking of trying to moderate?

Ann, I haven't decided to moderate. Apparently I did not get my point across as intended.

Did anyone read my original post? LOL.

The EXACT thing I was trying to say is that so many here have found out the hard way....and I wanted to have everyone's story in the same spot to REINFORCE that point....

Perhaps we should just let this thread die.

[mightymite]

Thinking of trying to moderate?

Hey Ann,
When I joined here I had a very bad night after a party we hosted. That is where the problem lies. I cannot shut myself off in any social situation. This I know. I came on here because I wanted to stop drinking in those situations but had no idea how to do it. This place helped me tremendously in that aspect. I originally thought I would go completely af but then after much contemplation, I decided that if I wanted a glass of wine, at home, with my hubby, I could be free to do that. I absolutely know that I cannot drink around anyone else. Maybe others can abstain when they are out and about but cannot be left alone without drinking. We are all different. I am not saying that I won't have a difficult time during the holidays, around my family. That will be a trying time for me but I hope to have MWO to help me through it. As I said before, what works for me may not work for others.

[mightymite]

Thinking of trying to moderate?

Looks like I cross posted. Lolab, Ann was talking about me.

[lolab]

Thinking of trying to moderate?

oh whoops ! I thought it was aimed at me! sorry...didn't see the MM.

[FreeFly]

Thinking of trying to moderate?

caysea;1210800 wrote: Hi All

30 days af is great but in my case not much time compared to an al lifestyle for over 40 years. When i realized I was an alcholic it took this choice of mod away from me. Alcholics can't drink we will end up back in the bottle. If you have a long history of al in your life a break of 30 days really isn't much time. If you haven't come to the conclusion you are an alcholic, I know people don't like this label, then trying mod I am sure will give you the answer. Seems many here have found out the hard way. Non of us with some good af time regret the choice. Many here are sorry , after doing the hard work for 30 days, they started drinking again.

Stay Healthy and Keep Fighting
AF 5-16-08

Caysea, I have to concur. I don't like the label - I don't like any labels - but yes, you are right. How ever many years, if it's a long history and you spend your days thinking about alcohol, then yes, there is a problem. Only we can set ourselves free.

[Chillgirl]

Thinking of trying to moderate?

Lolab - thank you for starting this thread, I think you make an excellent observation.
I don't believe there is a single one of us, even with long term abstinence, that hasn't had that little voice in our head ask "I wonder if I could mod now?"

I have to confess that just this summer after 18 months AF I seriously considered it. I even contacted by private message one of the modders on this site to ask for advice. I even told myself that if I could hang on until my 2 year anniversary I'd celebrate with a glass of champagne. I see the insanity of it now but for a couple of weeks the thoughts were there.

Last year Greeneyes posted a fantastic post about her journey and attempt at modding after long abstinence and her post really struck a cord with me and has been the reason on many occasion that I didn't cave in. Greenie, if you are reading this and have any idea where your post is I would love the chance to see it again and think it's exactly what Lolob means for this thread to be about. I actually really believe reading post DOES make a difference. I feel infinity here with people that I haven't found outside the virtual world and the bearing of souls that happens here does change lives.

[Lavande]

Thinking of trying to moderate?

Lola, Chill & everyone -

I can tell you the results of all my past attemps at modding - fail, fail, fail!
I haven't tried modding since finding MWO, have no desire to really.

I am happier & a whole lot less stressed with AL completely out of my system & my mind
I don't want that little fecker occupying any space in my consciousness - not worth it!!!!