Thinking of trying to moderate?

[one2many]

Thinking of trying to moderate?

Been there and done that.

Nothing bad happened but it was heading that way...

I think this is where we still see alcohol as a reward, something wonderful, to be sought after etc etc, it took time for me to realise that it did NOT enhance my life any...I mean most people drink for the buzz right?? So that is what we are chasing, the relaxing feeling, the heady glow.

That is hard to satisfy, suddenly the one glass I was "modding" with was not enough anymore, it turned to two and when that did not suffice...well you know the score...

In MY opinion, anyone who has a drink problem cannot mod and a lot of who say they are doing it successfully will say !ohh went over my limit last night! or "broke my 2 night rule"...so in fact they are still over indulging and trying desperately to cut back....too much like hard work to me.....staying on the merry go round but just not going so fast.

I wanted to say goodbye to the booze for good, be done with it and not hanker after it, pretending to myself that I can handle it...when all the time I was loving the thing that caused me so much pain in the first place.

I have danced with that devil before and escaped with my life intact....I have no need for alcohol in my life, if I had a friend who caused me so much trouble and make me feel and act dreadfully, I would not want to be their friend anymore......same thing...

[lolab]

Thinking of trying to moderate?

Cb you got your name changed!!! I love it...

Molly, chill , lav and onetoomany thanks for posting -now THAT'S what I was talkin about!

Just seems like if enough of you oh wise ones pipe up here maybe it'll sink in- ya know 'click' with someone?

A couple of weeks ago I made a really short comment to a newbie in the nest and turns out it was pivotal in her decision to start the car and drive away from the store without buying any alcohol... So ya just never know... :-)

[Struggles 106]

Thinking of trying to moderate?

Hey MM

Didn't mean to offend . I was just wondering
because of my observations about moderating.

As for being around family during the holidays
Oh good lord! I would be doing tequila shots
if I was forced to be around that bunch! LOL

I will be alone on Thanksgiving, no problem at all.
I don't "do" Christmas except for giving some
things to child relatives and secret gifts to people
in need that I see all year. So I won't be tempted.
To be honest I am home tonight and not with
my jam group because the thought came into my
mind that maybe I would have a beer. I banished
the thought and came home.
Whatever works for you-great! I'm addicted to alcohol
though so I can't pour it down my throat anymore.
And I'm ok with that.
Have a good weekend

[greeneyes]

Thinking of trying to moderate?

Chillgirl;1210837 wrote: Greenie, if you are reading this and have any idea where your post is I would love the chance to see it again and think it's exactly what Lolob means for this thread to be about. I actually really believe reading post DOES make a difference. I feel infinity here with people that I haven't found outside the virtual world and the bearing of souls that happens here does change lives.

Here ya go. https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9...day-43098.html A little further in the thread I mention ending up with a glass in my hand in the morning. I'm pretty sure that's not modding. It was amazing the ridiculous things I'd tell myself to rationalize continuing to drink not only more, but earlier. That dark scary place is indeed still there.

[FreeFly]

Thinking of trying to moderate?

lolab;1210890 wrote: Cb you got your name changed!!! I love it...

Thanks Lolab - figured as I'm not at it anymore it was time - no point waiting for the 30days to do it - just negative!

[Chillgirl]

Thinking of trying to moderate?

greeneyes;1210943 wrote: Here ya go. https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9...day-43098.html A little further in the thread I mention ending up with a glass in my hand in the morning. I'm pretty sure that's not modding. It was amazing the ridiculous things I'd tell myself to rationalize continuing to drink not only more, but earlier. That dark scary place is indeed still there.

Thanks Greenie!

I agree with everything Oney says in her post. She describes exactly how I see people trying to mod "oh yes I went a little over my limit last night". I would be like that to.

Anyone who has had a problem with AL will NEVER be satisfied with one glass. To me that would be torture, I always wanted a bottle and no period of abstinence will ever change that.

[windy]

Thinking of trying to moderate?

I agree with Molly, this is a great thread and thanks for getting it started Lola and keeping it on track.

It truly amazes me how many people go down that path, and how much we have to share with each other. Conversations like these are the reasons I keep coming back to this on-line community...

I will probably (briefly) contemplate moderation again sometime and I promise I will revisit this thread. Moderation really is a loosely held term. I would probably call it a slip and a slippery slope indeed (for me).

I will say it again...I am a buzz chaser and there is no going back for me. I hope I didn't give the impression that I support attempts at moderation...My words on paper don't always match what I am truly trying to say....

[lolab]

Thinking of trying to moderate?

Fascinating insight from people who haven't just 'talked the talk' - so true Molly....thanks again, Windy and Chill, and Oney (I like that) and all...I will be coming back to this and Greenie's thread again and again. It helps me immensely to know what to expect - that there may be times when I am tempted AND to have a plan in place to deal with it...my plan is to read these stories. Hopefully the honesty and "saying it like it is" from all of you will hep me to "see it like it really is"...I don't wantto get dragged in the mud behind that wagon again...

[Struggles 106]

Thinking of trying to moderate?

Hey Molly

I loved what you wrote about sneaking the wine
in the kitchen. I've done that.
It's so embarrassing, especially after you've told
people you quit, then there you go.
I also like the term "buzz chaser". That was me.
I apologize if I've been too loudmouthed about
moderation. I guess some people can do it.
I just know that within about 2 weeks I would be
drunk, maybe driving, and who knows what
mayhem would ensue?
Hiked 7 miles on the woods and cleaned out
my garage. Tired
Happy AF Saturday night

[timpin]

Thinking of trying to moderate?

Hi Ann

Well done with your goals so far. I agree with you. For me there's no moderation. Like you I would be back on it again in no time. Two bottles of wine every evening and probably worse. For someone in my position I just don't believe it is possible to moderate. In my opinion, any talk of moderation means that I have just not learned my lesson and that I had decided I would drink alcohol again. At the moment I am struggling to understand why I would want to do that when it has taken so much away from me. At the moment, wholesome sleep and a clear head are giving me a real buzz. I just hope to God that I don't succumb to temptation.

[Struggles 106]

Thinking of trying to moderate?

Hey Molly and Timpin

Teenager, Molly? Yikes! I remember that

Timpin-thanks for your comments. Hang in there!
I confess that I don't really know how I got to this
point. I also hope that myind doesn't change and
that I'm able to continue to resist alcohol.
Usually Saturday would be spent on the couch
after being drunk Friday night, especially after a
music jam (which I did not go to)
Staying busy helps I think.
Take care and good luck

[Prairie Fairy]

Thinking of trying to moderate?

Add me to list on the wall of shame. Hi I am sure I will be different - I am sure I can mod.

Ummmmm - not so much. Socially - Johnny on the spot. Privately - not. I realized (duh moment) being alone/lonely is a trigger. Since I live alone - this is problematic. My plan now needs significant revision - so perhaps from that respect it wasn't total nuclear devastation - and it only lasted 3 weeks - but those 3 weeks damaged healing relationships and my self esteem.

And I didn't even do it that many times.

So - no modding for me - not now - not likely ever. I can't imagine ever signing up for devastation again. But I am afraid now to get cocky. So I am going to treat each day as an individual event - because I don't have physical triggers - this is a mind game with the alien - and I am do not want to be weak/outsmarted again.

I am Prairie Fairy. Today I was enough. Today I was stronger than AL.

[Pinecone]

Thinking of trying to moderate?

I "tried" moderating for a couple of years after I got really unhappy with my drinking. In the end it was just lying to myself, playing games with hiding empty bottles, doing what I told myself I would not do. I hate that weak feeling, feeling helpless.

I have a drinking problem, and I can't moderate! By definition!

I would rather struggle with the occasional craving anyday than to go back down into the hole. That is terrifying!

Edit to add: Thank you for this thread, Lolab. I know what you mean about repeated reading, it is very helpful to me too. From my experience, if you think you would like to moderate, but don't know how, always end up screwing it up, or you just know that it won't really work, you should listen to that part of yourself that is telling you that. There is no magic "way" to moderate. I believe the only way to do it is to not have a drinking problem that makes you just keep drinking and repeating!

[Steady Hands]

Thinking of trying to moderate?

Hi PF

I didn't really understand this thread in my very first AF days. My head was so strongly geared not to drink.

The point I want to make is that I now understand the thought of modding a lot better, since I feel so much better now and get into contact with friends again that I pushed aside for the first month.

Had an hour cell conversation with my best male friend and he said we seriously need to get together early next year to "properly" catch up. It sounds like an emotional caring friendship (which it is), but that "properly" involves drugs and AL. Haven't told him, and don't want to, because I don't think that he'll understand and then he probably won't visit... Stuff like that makes me think about modding, not cravings. Even quit my L-Glut, because I do not physically crave, but emotions make me crazy. Just want to numb out...!!!

I am thinking about starting a thread that deals with friends and family after we quit. Not what to say, but who to cut out and how to recognize who to avoid at all costs. There are so many friends close to me that I know will be addicts in 5 years time. They can still control it now and haven't suffered the consequences of what AL can cause in your life, but I see the early signs and that it is coming...

So far I am prepared for xmas. 2012 and those friends.... I have some work to do!!!

[Struggles 106]

Thinking of trying to moderate?

Hey Steady

Welll...thinking about who to avoid, as mentioned in your post. For me it turns out that the pursuit of drinking was all-consuming. Lots of days revolved around drinking or recovering from drinking.
So now it's really not a question of who to avoid etc. I can see now who are really friends, which ones were more about drinking. Unfortunately that is a big number but through no fault of their own. I was drinking with them, usually social drinking for them, and getting drunk for me.
I'm just trying to take it slow and figure out the things I really enjoy. Not hard to enjoy lots of things ( or think you're enjoying them ) when drinking. I don't mind at all spending a lot of time alone. Not isolating but reflecting, evaluating what I really want to do.
But anyway...as I said-when drinking is your main activity it's hard to know who you really are.