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**available** · November 21, 2011, 05:21 AM

A question.. would be grateful for any thoughts and confirmations

im the same patrice, i think its booze brain as i did not really want it but got to that stage of the day and i thought oh a wine wld be nice so off i went to the shops and bought wine. WTF was i thinking. i woke up the same way as you this morning and now the cravings are sooooooo bad. i so need to go and buy vitamins etc this weekend.

**patrice** · November 21, 2011, 05:25 AM

A question.. would be grateful for any thoughts and confirmations

I know Available!!

It's hideous and I really dont know WTF I was thinking either... I was feeling so good by Friday and I completely sabotaged my feelings of happiness???

**available** · November 21, 2011, 05:32 AM

A question.. would be grateful for any thoughts and confirmations

yes i did all last week for some reason. no idea why we want to feel like shit lol. would be so nice to be "normal" in our idea of drinking but it appears that we cant moderate at all. well i know i cant as much as i would like to. its not as if i even enjoy getting pissed or anything associateed with it.

**lilla** · November 21, 2011, 07:38 AM

A question.. would be grateful for any thoughts and confirmations

That's exactly what happened to me Patrice. The first day back drinking was a nice two glasses with dinner but by the end of that week I was guzzling glass after glass, not even enjoying it and chucking it down me so I could pour another glass and get the bottle finished. Habit I suppose. One question, does anyone know where to buy the L Glutamine (in Aus), I went to a couple of health food shops but it wasn't there with all the vitamins. Today has gone well so that's great - hope the same for you Patrice and Av and everyone else trying to establish those early sober days again.

**Prairie Fairy** · November 21, 2011, 07:47 AM

A question.. would be grateful for any thoughts and confirmations

lilla;1212409 wrote: That's exactly what happened to me Patrice. The first day back drinking was a nice two glasses with dinner but by the end of that week I was guzzling glass after glass, not even enjoying it and chucking it down me so I could pour another glass and get the bottle finished. Habit I suppose. One question, does anyone know where to buy the L Glutamine (in Aus), I went to a couple of health food shops but it wasn't there with all the vitamins. Today has gone well so that's great - hope the same for you Patrice and Av and everyone else trying to establish those early sober days again.

Usually it's in the sports supplements because weight lifters use it to not have stiff muscles after a work out. It also moves ammonia out of muscles so it you replace AL with working out as a habit - then you need it for that as well.

**lilla** · November 21, 2011, 08:00 AM

A question.. would be grateful for any thoughts and confirmations

thanks so much for the quick reply, just sent you all the best in the nest. Good luck today

**Tipplerette** · November 21, 2011, 08:16 AM

A question.. would be grateful for any thoughts and confirmations

I hear you all. Same thing happened to me. Last night I found myself having glass after glass and ended up dumping the lot in the kitchen sink as it occured to me that I didn't even like the taste. I, painfully, have started to believe that moderation is not going to work and I am not even a huge drinker. I, rarely, have finished a whole bottle of wine alone but it's the consistency and unwavering nature of the urges that scare me. All the best intentions go right out the window when the alki-brain takes over. Luckily, I don't have a hangover this morning as I caught myself in time but WHAT WAS I THINKING?

**BlondeAFAmbition** · November 21, 2011, 08:42 AM

A question.. would be grateful for any thoughts and confirmations

This is a great post...it really curbs the thought of trying to have "just a few glasses" with Thanksgiving this year. I hear you all about why the modding thing does not work (thank you, especially Mollyk).

Tipp, well done on tossing out the rest of the wine. I, too, remember drinking glass after glass (well, let's get real, "gulping" was more like it, not sipping!) and thinking, wow, I don't even LIKE the taste of this wine. Yet, I'm drinking it like it is the last drink on earth. Been there, done that. Now, let's move forward everyone! No more AL! I know, easier said than done and it is a daily struggle for most of us.

Patrice, Lilla, Available-Like Mollyka said, at least you have realized the concept of not modding now instead of getting further into it and having something terrible happen. Just review your plan or make one NOW if you don't already have one. Get over to the toolbox thread and get some inspiration. The important thing is that you are here...stick with us, ok?

Be strong today all those on Day 1 and Day 100!

**BlondeAFAmbition** · November 21, 2011, 08:44 AM

A question.. would be grateful for any thoughts and confirmations

PS, I feel one should always supply the link for the toolbox if mentioned so here it is:

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

A good refresher for those starting on Day 1 and those of us who need some help in general. Good luck one and all!

**Struggles 106** · November 21, 2011, 10:11 AM

A question.. would be grateful for any thoughts and confirmations

IMHO

It's called alcohol addiction. The brain biology and
physiology are changed. You can google or
YouTube a lecture by Dr Strang at U of Wisc
about what happens on a cellular level. Fascinating.

I reiterate my long-held opinion. Moderation is simply
not possible; it's not an issue of choice. It's an issue
of chemistry, biology and the pathophysiology
of addiction. Noone is at fault for trying this.
But it will not happen. Somehow in our minds there
seems to be imagining a lovely setting , social,
nice people, a nice glass of wine etc. It could happen,
But eventually it won't be quite so pretty. Maybe you
could try to imagine one of your worst moments.
My awful awful behavior (memories) are keeping
me sober.
The desire for moderation is normal to a point,
but eventually you gotta say NO MORE. Face the
reality. It is not your fault; there is no control
of it. It's normal to strive for what seems to be
perfectly ok for others. Who wants to be different?
Who wants to be identified as having a PROBLEM?
Noone seeks out that stigma! But it's your life!
We who are addicted are different-not lesser than-
just different enough to be forced to develop more
strength and determination than most.
Good luck and take care

**FreeFly** · November 21, 2011, 10:21 AM

A question.. would be grateful for any thoughts and confirmations

mollyka;1212380 wrote: In the words of Guitarista in a much earlier post to me, the answers are 'yes, yes, and yes'. Unfortunately this is what I've been banging on about for the last while. Once we allow alcohol back into our bodies after any AF time, be it 4 days, weeks, months (or I suspect years, never been there

) it re-activates something, and ALL common sense goes out the window. It's not common sense, it's addiction and imho that is PRECISELY why moderation doesn't work.
If you've learnt that, it's a very big powerful lesson learnt relatively painlessly, unfortunately many of us muddle on until a disaster happens, and sometimes then it may be too late.
A powerful post, and one that definitely should be copy and pasted into Lolabs thread. Get back up on that wagon girl, and Available too, don't let things go any further --- IT WILL NOT WORK:no:
Molly

I can only concur!

**greeneyes** · November 21, 2011, 10:31 AM

A question.. would be grateful for any thoughts and confirmations

You might find some helpful information here: https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9...ion-53168.html

**Steady Hands** · November 21, 2011, 11:06 AM

A question.. would be grateful for any thoughts and confirmations

Hi Patrice! I like the thread.

Out of the posts I can see that everybody understands what happened to you this weekend. Exactly this is what keeps me away from AL at the moment. For the first time in my life I fear drinking AL again. As if I know to my bones that it would take months or years before I stop again....Not like in the past where I thought of relapse as a mini personal failure.

That NEED to drink is as difficult to explain as why some can handle AL and others not. Best said by Ann221 - it's an addiction!!

I mostly drank to get rid of that horrid, hollow hungover feeling from the previous night's over drinking and to calm anxiety. I would think just one nice big glass now, and then some water and then only after 8 (another 1/2 glasses) to mellow myself into bed. After the first I would think, ok, water after the second glass and come 8 o' clock I am plastered!! In the end it got so bad that I would start crying at glass 4, because I knew I couldn't handle/"control" it and that tomorrow will suck just as bad as today! Then I passed out at glass 6 (I think...)

That was no way of living!! 11 days being AF is not much, but I'm clinging on to it!!! It wasn't the easiest 11 days, but it much easier AF.

The thought of modding left me completely...

Just think...how did you wanted to spend your weekend?

**Struggles 106** · November 21, 2011, 11:39 AM

A question.. would be grateful for any thoughts and confirmations

Hey Steady Hands

11 days? That is great! As time goes on
it gets easier and things get clearer.
I'm at day 46 and feel good. I'm like you
with the fear. Good lord-I dont want to kill
someone driving drunk! And if I drank I would
drive. I never used to but it evolved to that.
I was pulled over a couple of years ago and by
some miracle was allowed to park my car
and call someone. Very unusual-ordinarily you go
straight to jail. Unbelievable that I've never had a
DUI.
Hang in there! Being drunk is just stupid.

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