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Holiday Tip (RPM Method)

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    #1

    Holiday Tip (RPM Method)

    Well tomorrow is Thanksgiving here in the States and it basically kicks off about 6 weeks worth of holiday cheer.

    This has always been the time where I felt like I had an excuse to overindulge with the food and especially with the drink. This year there will be none of that for me. Does that mean I won't have fun and enjoy myself? Absolutely not. I have made a pledge to myself that I am going to be happy and joyful and have fun being sober and even watching my waistline during the holidays.

    I am sure many here are saying, "it's impossible"! "How can anyone enjoy the holidays without eating too much and drinking?"

    Being that I no longer drink, drinking isn't an option to begin with, but here is a method that I use in every area of my life now to make sure I am getting what I want out of life.

    The method is refered to as RPM. RPM is an acronym which stands for:
    Result - Purpose - Massive action

    Step number 1: Decide what the result is that YOU want. Basically what is going to be the desired outcome that you are looking for. This can be the desired outcome for the day, or for the evening, or for the week, or the month, or for the rest of your life.

    Tomorrow I am going to spend the day with my wife's family about 2 hours away. In the past I have never enjoyed travelling during the holidays, and I don't usually enjoy myself when I visit and I'm away from my side of the family. In the past I would just get drunk and bear it.

    The result or the outcome for tomorrow is going to be, I am going to be happy and enjoy the day with my family and inlaws, I am going to be sober, and I am not going to overeat. These are not goals, these are facts. This will be my outcome tomorrow and I am going to be happy and enjoy the results. (Key number 1: Know your outcome and don't allow anything to keep you from your desired result.) I might meditate on it tonight, and visualize myself having a great time and sipping on my diet coke and tasting all the great food, trying a little of everything but not stuffing myself. Then I will picture myself content and smiling and just enjoying the day.

    Step number 2: Purpose. Why am I doing this? What are the reasons why I want the result to occur? I want the result for many reasons, and although I won't list them all here I will write a few.
    1. I want to have a great and happy time on my day off with my family.
    2. I want to be sober because I love being sober and if I drink I will die.
    3. I don't want to embarrass myself or my family if I were to drink and do something rude, crude or obnoxious.
    4. I don't want to fill myself so full that I have a food hangover for the next week and gain 10 lbs. and look like a fat pig in all of the holiday pictures.
    5. I am going to have fun and enjoy myself and enjoy remembering this special time with my wife and kids and the rest of the family.
    (Your purpose for wanting your result will vary, but try to be very specific and really see and feel the reasons why this outcome will occur.)

    Step number 3: Take massive action to make sure this results happens to your liking.
    These actions can be having your excuses ready for why you aren't drinking, (personally I just say, "I don't drink anymore"). Have a non alcoholic drink in your hand all day. Watch others drink and enjoy your time with them.
    Now there are probably a million different types of massive action that you can take to make sure you stay sober and don't over eat, and you can find them all over this forum, so I will let you pick them. But the one thing that I will be doing tomorrow, the result that everyone seems to have so much trouble with, which makes most people believe they need a drink or need to over indulge in food is "enjoy and be happy".

    Well I have found through alot of reading and studying and by watching children and by studying myself that we decide whether we want to be happy or not. Now of course there are many factors that may change our mood if we let them. But the reality is we get to decide whether we want to be happy and have fun and enjoy ourselves. I can make anything as fun and enjoyable if I allow myself to. Sure I can be pissed that I decided not to drink and get drunk as a skunk and not eat everything in sight until I am so full I feel like I am going to explode and I can ignore the inlaws and watch football and gripe and complain that Im not with my family and ruin the day for everyone.....or I can accept the fact and make the day enjoyable for everyone. Now I am sure many of you are asking the question, "well how do be happy in a situation that you don't enjoy"? Here is the simple answer and the hard one which took me 27 years to figure out. First you decide to be happy, then you take a few deep breaths, and you act happy, you pretend that you are the happiest person on the planet. You sing to the music and dance if you want, you smile as big as you can and you treat everyone you see with love and understanding and you pretend to enjoy every little bit of everything around you, and you appreciate the fact that you are alive, and when you take massive action and act and pretend and visualize happiness and happy thoughts, well guess what? You really are happy!

    Please feel free to remember the RPM method and use it in every aspect of your life! It has helped me tremendously and I hope it helps you!

    Happy Thanksgiving and Happy (start of the) Holidays!!
    Tags: None
    #2
    Holiday Tip (RPM Method)

    Thanks Molly!!

    Comment

      #3
      Holiday Tip (RPM Method)

      Supercrew, that was a wonderful post. As I always tell my children when they ask me how I can be so happy all the time "Fake it Til You Feel It'. That's my motto. I hope you enjoy your self-imposed happiness and I am sure Your family will love you all the more for it.

      Happy Moderate Thanksgiving.
      Tipplerette

      I do this for my children, my grandchildren, my health, my peace of mind, and mostly for the opportunity to learn to live with my true, unfiltered, clear-headed, vulnerable self.

      "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."
      ? Lao-Tzu

      Comment

        #4
        Holiday Tip (RPM Method)

        Supercrew, this is a fantastic post, thank you for putting it together. I have never heard of RPM but I am a believer now. Congratulations on your stance against AL. We will all be the better for not overindulding in al and food today for sure. For me, my goal is the same...to not drink AL today and to not over eat. I will wake up tomorrow feeling as good as I do this morning (that's pretty freakin' good by the way). I will not cave in to launch a 6 week spree of too much holiday "cheer" and food. Nope, not me. Not us.

        I do believe that you can switch from being unhappy to happy just by your way of thinking. Happiness is now. There is no past, there is no future. The chance to be happy is now. I have always been one to embrace the "bright side" of everything and even more so now that I am getting older. And just this simple switch in knowing that right now is all that matters makes a huge difference in the way I experience life.

        Thank you again for such a wonderful post and have a happy and sober Thanksgiving with your family!
        Whatever you invest in the circle of LIFE is what comes back to you. Multiplied. What you give to people is what they eventually give back to you. Don't do the math. Just increase your LOVE.

        BE HAPPY...BE CONNECTED...BE HEALTHY!         :h

        Comment

          #5
          Holiday Tip (RPM Method)

          I am back and Thanksgiving has almost come to an end. Thank you for the replies to my post! The results for the day were I stayed sober, I didn't eat too much, and I stayed happy and enjoyed the day.

          The key was I knew the outcome beforehand.

          This isn't to take a shot at anyone in this forum, because I myself fell in this trap over and over for over 20 years. If someone would have asked me in years past, like my wife, "hey Super, are you going to drink today?" My answer always would have been either yes I'm getting drunk, ( I knew my outcome), or "I'm not sure we will see how the day goes", which in other words meant, I'm going to get drunk, but I will probably try to hide it from you because I know I promised you I wasn't drinking.(Again I knew my outcome, I just wasn't willing to share it). If you really want to stop drinking know your outcome everyday before it starts. When anyone on these forums makes the proclamation that they aren't sure whether they can do it for the day, all they are really saying is, "even though I know alcohol hasn't been working out for me, and although I know I will probably regret drinking it later, I am deciding that I am going to test the waters if the opportunity arises. Then they will come back and say "well this triggered me, or a glass of wine sounded so good, evryone there was drinking and I didn't want to look out of place". When the reality was somewhere in their mind they knew they were going to drink.

          Why do I know that to be a fact? Because it's what me and everyother problem drinker always does. Don't fool yourself. Just like you get to decide whether you want to be happy or not, you also decide whether you pick up that first drink today. Then we make excuses why we "accidently" drank when we said we weren't going to.
          RPM: Know the Result before hand -Have a Purpose for wanting the result - Then take Massive action to insure the result is met no matter what. If you really want to quit it is as easy as RPM, and it's as easy as you want to allow it to be.

          Also please remember RPM has nothing to do with goals, because goals are just things that we are trying to get accomplished. Results and outcomes are certainties.

          Have a great night and Happy Thanksgiving!!

          Comment

            #6
            Holiday Tip (RPM Method)

            SC, as always you have shared important and poignant ideas with us. I search out your posts because along with a few others' they are the ones that help me the most. I appreciate your honesty and invaluable advice.

            I didn't read what you wrote until today, the day after TG. And, I have to say, I did exactly what you've described here without knowing it. For the first time ever, I effortlessly sailed through a dinner and party that would normally have been my downfall. But yesterday, I had made up my mind before I went that I would not be drinking -- I was resolute in my decision and I KNEW I wouldn't falter. And, I didn't.

            And the best part about the day was that it wasn't a struggle at all. I didn't have a hard time making conversation, I enjoyed others, I didn't overeat and I was so proud of myself when I realized how unfounded my fears were and that I could be successful being sober.

            You are a wise man, and I thank you for being here for us. Your words ALWAYS help me. I hope you'll stay here for a long time.

            Comment

              #7
              Holiday Tip (RPM Method)

              Well done on staying strong yesterday Super and Unwasted! It only gets better from here !
              Whatever you invest in the circle of LIFE is what comes back to you. Multiplied. What you give to people is what they eventually give back to you. Don't do the math. Just increase your LOVE.

              BE HAPPY...BE CONNECTED...BE HEALTHY!               :h

              Comment

                #8
                Holiday Tip (RPM Method)

                Love both of your posts SC. I will implement the RPM method today! It is so true, when we say that "we'll see how the evening goes", it's only an excuse to drink, but not look so bad to the people around us. I will also not use this long holiday season as an excuse to overindulge in food and excess shopping and party going. It seems like there too much focus on the things that aren't good for us and not enough emphasis on what's really important. Thanks for the reminder to decide to be happy and to act like it!

                Comment

                  #9
                  Holiday Tip (RPM Method)

                  Supercrew,

                  I like how you put the results first and work back, rather than hoping that's what will happen. It's a good way to look at it.
                  sigpic
                  AF since December 22nd 2008
                  Real change is difficult, and slow, and messy - Oliver Burkeman

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Holiday Tip (RPM Method)

                    Thanks all! I attended a golf tournament yesterday, and there were free drinks on every hole. Every beer you could think of as well as shot stations every 2 or 3 holes. In previous years I would have been sloshed by the 3rd hole, but I knew the outcome before I went. I had a great time with a bunch of drunk friends, I was able to help them stay safe by looking after them and driving some of them home. I won a couple hundred dollars in prizes, and I was able to get up feeling great this morning and just got done with my workout.....while I am guessing most of my friends are still in bed nursing hangovers.

                    I allowed myself to enjoy the day and stay sober by knowing the outcome before I went. It was easy, because I made it easy.

                    On a side note, please remember that I did not just have a minor problem with alcohol in the past. I would have been considered a fullblown alcoholic less than 2 years ago. I was physically dependent on alcohol, and I was mentally obsessed with alcohol for over 20 years. I was the drunkest person everywhere I went, and I would never pass up free booze, no matter what it was. I solved my drinking problems without a formal program like AA. It can be done, by knowing your outcome and by taking massive action to make sure you get your desired result.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Holiday Tip (RPM Method)

                      i have had the same experience with knowing outcomes.
                      i know each day what my intentions are and whether i have the --here i don't know exactly what it is--will, strength, commitment, presense of mind, help from others.??
                      i do know it has helped immensely in the past (i am now just on day 2) to ask for help from people who have had similar experiences.

                      during the past few months i knew i wouldn't/didn't want to stop. i knew i was being destructive but at the same thing i thought i had it under some sort of control. i kept pushing that first day with out alcohol off until tomorrow.

                      now i am ready and open and willing to put in the time and work it takes to make it work.

                      thank you for sharing what works so well for you.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Holiday Tip (RPM Method)

                        GREAT SC!
                        Outside of a dog a book is mans best friend. Inside of a dog its too dark to read

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Holiday Tip (RPM Method)

                          Supercrew

                          That is what I call really having a plan !!

                          I really believe that our problems can't be beaten unless we have a plan. There seems to be a good few of us on these forums who are waking up to that fact and I really believe it is working for some. You have just taken it one step further and worked it backwards which is brilliant. I'm going to try that from now on by tacking it onto the plan that I already have. I am excited because I haven't been able to beat AL before and now I am more confident that ever about the future. If you have any more great ideas, please write them down for all to share !

                          Tim

                          22 days AL free.

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Holiday Tip (RPM Method)

                            Thanks for the comments!

                            Lifechange and Timpin, if you are looking for some tips feel free to read my story in the story section. I documented some of the methods that I used in the beginning. I'm not going to lie, the first 6-8 weeks were the roughest for me, but once I got through it things got easier. If you have anything specific that you want to know feel free to PM me.

                            I won't say I have all of the answers, but I know what worked for me and what didn't. I try to give very broad advice because everyone has their own life situation, so some of the more specific stuff that worked for me might not be applicable for someone else.

                            And congrats on the 22 days Tim!

                            Have a great day!!

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Holiday Tip (RPM Method)

                              Supercrew, I am new here, but have been reading old posts for a few weeks. I am committing myself to not drinking today. I am too overwhelmed and scared to say no drinking ever yet. But I really do like the idea of focusing on the result and then doing everything to make sure the result happens. So for today, my result is a sober day and I have some plans as to how to make that happen. I think anything less than committing to the result leaves us with an "out" and an excuse to drink.

                              I also think that for now, for me, I can't say more than for just today.... Because I am not yet committed to that result. But I can be committed for today. I guess that's one day at a time thanks for your post

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