killing me softly

[cuckoosnest83]

need help but so afraid to ask

[Lavande]

killing me softly

Hey, I'm here as well.
What's going on??

[cuckoosnest83]

killing me softly

Just Like a Swimming Pool.

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I replied to a post the other day for someone who wanted to stop drinking but they were feeling apprehensive about it...
I told them that now they had dipped their toe in the water, not to be afraid to jump in as there would be many hands waiting to catch them…Well that got me thinking, and I think there is a comparision to be made between all of us here at MWO and a busy day at the local swimming pool…So here goes….
Pretend you are sitting high up in the viewing gallery and as you look down you can see everything…

Lets start at the shallow end, here you have the non-swimmer, the new ones, who are on their first or second visit….they stand there, scared to take their feet off the bottom, frightened to trust in themselves in case they can’t make it and end up drowning…..Some of them don’t realise the lifeguards will rush to help them in any emergency, they forget they can ask the more experienced swimmers for help at any time….For some its all too much as they look towards the deep end of the pool far away in the distance and think “ No I can’t do it, I’ll never be able to swim that far, I’ll be out of my depth “…Completely forgetting that those swimmers they can see in the distance, diving in, swimming and generally having a good time had once stood where they are now, consumed with the same feelings of fear and inadequacy…So some of them go home, never to return…

The ones who stay, a few of them may decide to sit on the side of the pool just long enough to gather their courage to perhaps have another go…And then a well meaning relative or friend may come up and give them a push into the water thinking they are helping…That never works, you have to decide for yourself when you are ready to get into the water and lift your feet off the bottom…So they opt out as well…

The last few who are left, who decided to give it a go, they are the ones who have the confidence to lift their feet, make the first few strokes…Sometimes they don’t quite get it right and disappear under the water for a few seconds, but they bob up again, coughing and spluttering….Another few give up at this stage because they think its getting too difficult and they will never make it…

Then we come to the ones who think its worth another try…They are the ones who realise they can’t do this properly on their own so they ask for and are given help….For some, it will be one to one swimming lessons, for others a pair of water wings or a float will do, but its only until they get used to swimming on their own and it becomes part of there normal routine…

Gradually as time goes on these novice swimmers can be seen swimming further and further down the pool, starting to gain confidence and a belief in themselves that their goal is attainable…Where they once thought “ This is too difficult, I’m going to fail “ they now look back at the shallow end and think “ Why was I so scared?, I can do this “…Then the magic, when they look forward and realise the deep end of the pool is almost within reach….

And then we come to the deep end, here people are diving in from the high board, doing back flips off the side, swimming across the pool underwater, filled with confidence not fear, knowing that what they are able to do now is achievable, with practice, by anyone….After all, don’t forget, they were once standing at the shallow end themselves, scared to take their feet off the bottom….

So if this is your first visit to this swimming pool, and you are standing in the shallow end, frightened and shivering, overwhelmed by it all, look down towards the deep end by all means, but don’t be intimidated by the distance you will have to swim to get there…Enjoy the shallow end, splash around, lift your feet off the bottom now and then, watch your confidence grow, and one day when you reach the deep end you will look back and be amazed at the distance you have travelled……

I have just re-read this and it made me realise the distance I have swum….My very first post on here consisted of one line!!!!! Which read,
“ Yes, help me please, I love the taste of alcohol, but I desperately want to cut down on my drinking “…
Now I am looking over my shoulder at the distance I have travelled, and I know that the deep end where all the hard work pays off and the good life begins is getting nearer and nearer each day….
Keep Sober, Love from Louise xxxx


Feel like I am one of the ones who just turn away.

[cuckoosnest83]

killing me softly

Zen and Lavande, thank you.

[one2many]

killing me softly

Awwhhh Cucks, we all feel like that at some point, every single one of us....just keep trying and don't quit. never ever quit. You will beat this, we are right behind you. Please pm me if you need a friend xx

[timpin]

killing me softly

Hi Cuck

I just sat and read your post and I want to try to help you too. I have had so much help from the good people on MWO and I would like to try to give something back, so here goes: One thing I picked up about the adventure in the swimming pool was that you are in the swimming pool and looking at the other end, frightened to go out of your depth in case you drown. I can see that and it makes perfect sense..except for just one thing which I will come to. Remember when you were a kid and went to the pool ? Remember going out of your depth for the first time ? Remember spluttering when your head went under water ? I remember that happening when I was eight or nine years old and I'm nearly sixty now. The reason I went underwater was because no-one had actually taught me how to swim !!!

Now maybe we all need to look at that pool in a different way ? Think of ourselves all stood in the shallow end ( as drinkers) and wanted to go to the other end ( non drinkers). Maybe to do that we need some understanding of how to get there ? We need to learn to swim...or in our case, we need to know how to stop taking the AL. Without that knowledge we cannot get securely to the other end of the pool. Yes we may manage to get there by flapping around in the water and getting lucky but wouldn't it be nice to be able to get there smoothly and with little effort ?

I have listened to the advice of lots of people around here and I'm convinced that we have to have a plan to make it work. I have had many attempts to do it but this is the first time that I have really felt that I can achieve it. Firstly I picked my stop date, geared my plan around that and then implemented it. I took lots of advice and above all used this forum to help me to stay dry. I did my homework and tried to prepare for the withdrawal symptoms. I conditioned myself to get a buzz out of the crap feelings I was having and tried to take strength every time I got a craving. I am now continually working on frightening myself about the possibility of having just one more drink.

I spent a few days pondering on moderating my intake of AL. Just to perhaps have one or two drinks now and again. Some people say that is possible, but in my own mind I have dismissed that as a complete non starter. My wish now is to be a non drinker and never have another drink again. That may be wishful thinking as this AL thing is a powerful beast and it will do everything in its power to try and get you to have just one tipple. So for me it has to be total abstinence. Three weeks ago, I was staggering around the house, not making sense to anyone,making inappropriate comments and passing out for another restless night in bed. Now I feel strong, confident and clean. No way I want to go back to that slavery.

Please don't think...it's alright for him to gloat. That I am certainly not doing. But if I can do it, anyone can. Up until three weeks ago my life had been a mess for the previous ten to fifteen years and I missed out on so much. I am by no means out of the woods yet, but if I can help you in some small way as others on here have helped me, then I will be happy.

Also, it might help if you can get a copy of Jason Vales book called Kick the drink...easily. It's probably not for everyone, but it certainly helped me and is still helping. Good luck with the next few days. I will be around if you want to talk some more. Take care.

[cuckoosnest83]

killing me softly

timpin, I have the book. Need to read it.

[cuckoosnest83]

killing me softly

one2many, you're a sweetheart.

[Nelz]

killing me softly

Dont be afraid to just jump right on in here, we dont bite and the water is jusssssssst right!


Plenty of good people, good info, and just regular what I call a "brother/sisterhood"


There is no right or wrong answer, or dumb question. Plenty of peeps in here either going through or have gone through what you are. Nobody to judge you, criticize you, blame you.....mainly we are all here just to lend an ear and advice on how we may have dealt with like issues.

If I give you the coveted Nelzstarofapproval, can I push you into the pool with us?


Here ya go, for taking that first step! Ill give ya another one at seven days alky free

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[cuckoosnest83]

killing me softly

Nelz, thank you for the star. Ready to go a week.

[mario]

killing me softly

cuckoonest83,
The immediate object of our goal is sobriety,Free from alcohol and all its terrible consequences without this freedom we have nothing at all, But at the same time we can achieve no liberation from alcohol obsession until we become willing to deal with those character flaws which landed us into that condition in the first place,

In this freedom quest we have a few choices,

A rebellious refusal to work upon our glaring defects can be an almost certain ticket to destruction
or perhaps we can,for a time stay sober with a minimum of self improvement and settle ourselves into a comfortable but often dangerous mediocrity, Or we can like a lot of long term abstainers here
continuously try hard for those sterling qualities that can add up to a much more fulfilling & happy life,
Time to move on forward cuckoo nest as you can do it as many people hear have already and continue to do so.

[AMELIA]

killing me softly

Hi Cuckoo,
I don't post much on this site now, although I still think it is a wonderful place to come for support and information.
Don't ever be afraid to ask for help. We are all too good at trying to go it alone and isolating. All I can say is that I didn't believe I could ever stop drinking.....but I have. And to coin a DG phrase, if I can do it - you can do it. Just keep on trying. If what you are doing isn't working, try something different. If nothing changes....nothing changes.
I really do understand how you feel. Really. Sending you a huge hug from the UK.

[Struggles 106]

killing me softly

Hi Cuckoo

You can do it! Keep on trying. It's not easy
at first but it gets better. It's amazing how
many things you realize as sober time goes by.
Alcohol skews your perspective in lots of ways
that you can't see until you're AF for a while.
Take care!

Nelz- I am really impressed by the much coveted
Nelzstarofapproval. Dec 2 will be 60 days for me-
just sayin'.

[Nelz]

killing me softly

cuckoosnest83;1215638 wrote: Nelz, thank you for the star. Ready to go a week.

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[cuckoosnest83]

killing me softly

Thank you all so much. I've all but given up hope on myself and I don't want to. Sitting here in tears because I hate the person I've become. How did I allow this to get such control of me?