killing me softly

[cuckoosnest83]

killing me softly

Amelia, thank you. I remember you from our early days. So very happy to hear you are doing well.

[Chillgirl]

killing me softly

Hi guys,

Going back to the swimming comparison, actually when we are drinking we are at the deep end, in fact we are lost at sea with no land in sight. I was slowly drowning in alcohol, a horrible death, unable to ever imagine stepping onto dry land. I was gasping for air and was sinking fast.

One terrible night in that cold dark ocean I saw a tiny pin prick of light in the distance, I was desperate for help, anything to cling too. I started frantically waving my arms and screaming at the light, it was the MWO life boat.! They heard my shouts and threw me a life jacket, "we are all in the same boat" they told me.

I was amazed to find the boat full of people who had the same thoughts and troubles that I did, all this time I though I was alone in that vast empty sea. For the first time in years I felt something called "hope". It was still a long way to land but I now had on my life vest and when life got stormy I had others to turn to. There were many waves to ride but with the right coaching I learned to surf them.

Some time later I finally felt the sand beneath my feet as I realized I was now in shallow waters. I could stand! It felt amazing! My life jacket remains on and always will, you never know when you might get swept back out there. All around me I see MWO-ers, from far out at sea, to paddling beside me on the shore and everywhere in between. What we all have is that life line, grab it with both hands and don't let it go......

In order to succeed, your desire for success needs to be greater than your fear of failure.

[timpin]

killing me softly

Chillgirl

That's a really good theory. Maybe I got it the wrong way around !

I think that what is happening on this forum is brilliant. We are all taking strength from each other.

[cuckoosnest83]

killing me softly

Chill, thank you for the other perspective.

[Struggles 106]

killing me softly

Hey Cuckoo

Crying is OK. My last episode of drunken nonsense
was on a Thurs night, which resulted in me crying
in my office most of the day Friday , full of
despair and fear that I would never be able to
stop drinking and save myself.
No smokes or drinks since that day -- 51 days ago.
I must admit I don't know what did it this time
but it really feels different.
I guess each individual has to find his/ her own
"bottom". I'm sure you've heard the term "high
bottom drunk" to describe someone who reaches
their bottom without too much bad stuff happening.
But then "bad stuff" is all relative isn't it?
I've done stuff that made my sister say " What are
you DOING ? Why don't you stop!?" but until
it's internalized it does no good.
My sister for example-drinks a LOT of wine,
but stays home, doesn't drunk dial (much) ,
Doesn't drive drunk-so she thinks she's ok. She does
miss work now and then due to drinking.
But compared to me-out drinking, hanging at bars,
driving, doing drugs, and on and on-then she is
doing "better". It is all relative.
Take care and don't beat yourself up too much.
You deserve a good life with freedom from alcohol.

[cuckoosnest83]

killing me softly

Thank you, Ann and congratulations on 51 days AF. Something I strive for.

[mya]

killing me softly

Cucks how are you doing today?
I can so relate to your story. Today is my day one again. I am so mad at myself for wasting the holiday either being drunk or really hungover and had to take another drink to try and forget how I'm feeling.
I have tried to mod and know now that is not for me. Yesterday I felt terrible and gave in and had two glasses of wine to ease the shakens and anixety I was feeling. Today I feel a little better and drinking lots of water. I want to feels good again.
I'm hear if you ever need to talk we and can through this together.