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    Trying To Climb Back On Board

    Hi all
    I'm here, but I've been here before. Couldn't remember the old ID so I've got a new one, and maybe that bodes well. When I arrived here the first time I was having anything from one and a half to two ordinary size bottles (ie 75 cl) of red wine every single night. Decided I'd stop, and I did, two years ago almost to the day - it was actually 30 Dec that I had my last drink. (That time). Made it through till the end of May the next year, and made that fatal mistake. I must say though, I've managed not to drink every single day, maybe 2 or 3 times a week, never two nights in a row, and I'd not go more than 1 and a half bottles. Sometimes I'd stop at a single one. But I've been aware of it lurking there, and I am just beginning to sense it creeping up that bit too far, and I'm losing that tiny bit of control that I have had over it. It's now turned into a regular Thurs/Fri/Sat thing, and I sometimes am getting beyond that half way mark on the second bottle. For the last two or three weeks I've been struggling, because I've started throwing in another night in the week... there IS wine in the house, and there always will be, and believe me, it's no good me suggesting that we get rid of it because it ain't gonna happen. But I did it before, so I must be able to do it again. So last night, I finished the half from the night before (along with another one of course) so there isn't that dangerous half bottle lurking in the fridge. Yes, I am cross with myself for landing up here again, and I'm stupid and all the other things I am, but I am hoping I might be able to check in here tonight and somehow stop myself opening that first bottle. Clearly I am no candidate for moderation, though that isn't what I intended either... I just got persuaded by people who didn't realise, I mean they really went for it persuading me, and I just gave in.... and so although I've not been full on, I still couldn't seem to stop. I am hoping I'll read this confession back to me tonight, and gain some strength from it. Thank you all, I can see some friends still here, I should have stayed here too, shouldn't I, instead of trying to be so darned clever....




    The Goalposts

    1. Tonight
    2. This weekend
    3. The day after Boxing Day
    4. 31st December
    5. The day after New Year's Day
    6. 15 March
    7. 15 June
    8. 15 September
    9. 15 December - year from today!

    #2
    Trying To Climb Back On Board

    GW, welcome back! Well the good news is that you previously had a really good amount of AF time. That's commendable for sure! So, you know you can do it again. I had a similar experience to yours in that I was able cut down from daily drinking to the weekend but then felt myself not having as much control as I wanted. I think that's exactly what happens to those of us who try to moderate - just doesn't typically work out. I even got down to just a couple of drinks but it still made me feel awful the next day. Sober really is so much better!

    Sending you peace and strength.

    Comment


      #3
      Trying To Climb Back On Board

      Welcome Greywings! So glad to see you here.

      Comment


        #4
        Trying To Climb Back On Board

        Thanks, Unwasted. I just know I can, I just need to draw some strength and I just hope that by coming out on here again, it is going to be the way to go. I am so pleased for you that you have been doing so well, that's brilliant! And I totally agree, AF is going to be the only way. I just keep remembering how fantastic it was not to have to plan my journey to work, and go miles out of my way, to take the route least likely to have random breath checks, and all that crazy stuff. And not to have to keep buying those breath strips, and kidding myself that people didn't know what I was trying to hide! I just have to focus on all those things that made sobriety so good. But it's all clever talk, I have to get through the rest of my day in Oz, and reach for this forum instead of a bottle. I just pray for the strength. Thank you so much for answering.




        The Goalposts

        1. Tonight
        2. This weekend
        3. The day after Boxing Day
        4. 31st December
        5. The day after New Year's Day
        6. 15 March
        7. 15 June
        8. 15 September
        9. 15 December - year from today!

        Comment


          #5
          Trying To Climb Back On Board

          FlyAway;1226373 wrote: Welcome Greywings! So glad to see you here.
          Thank you for welcoming me! I plan on staying, this time!




          The Goalposts

          1. Tonight
          2. This weekend
          3. The day after Boxing Day
          4. 31st December
          5. The day after New Year's Day
          6. 15 March
          7. 15 June
          8. 15 September
          9. 15 December - year from today!

          Comment


            #6
            Trying To Climb Back On Board

            GW, it's so exhausting to have your life revolve around alcohol - always planning to drink or recovering from drinking. I love not having that constant battle going anymore. I never would have believed it, but life truly is better this way.

            I find reading books helps me a lot, and I'm learning meditation which is helping fill the void. I always try to focus on how good I'll feel the next morning if I can just get past those couple of tough hours in the evening. It's getting easier and I'm to the point where I'm not thinking about alcohol very much. Knowing it gets better helps you stay committed.

            Best to you!

            Comment


              #7
              Trying To Climb Back On Board

              Hi Greywings,

              I just wanted to say welcome back and give you some support. The last part of your post about trying to be so darned clever really rings a bell with me. It reminds me of all the little games I was playing when I was trying to convince myself that I was moderating or attempting to moderate. You deserve what you are fighting for!

              Unwasted, you said it better than I ever could about the feeling of freedom!
              "When you have faults, do not fear to abandon them." Analects of Confucius
              AF 11/12/11

              Comment


                #8
                Trying To Climb Back On Board

                Welcome! I have started back, as well. It is a great decision.
                Goal 1: Today
                Goal 2: Tomorrow

                Comment


                  #9
                  Trying To Climb Back On Board

                  Welcome back grewings!

                  Hop into the Newbies Nest for a while for some support - we're glad to help

                  Wishing you the best!

                  Lav
                  AF since 03/26/09
                  NF since 05/19/09
                  Success comes one day at a time :thumbs:

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Trying To Climb Back On Board

                    greywings;1226378 wrote: Thanks, Unwasted. I just know I can, I just need to draw some strength and I just hope that by coming out on here again, it is going to be the way to go. I am so pleased for you that you have been doing so well, that's brilliant! And I totally agree, AF is going to be the only way. I just keep remembering how fantastic it was not to have to plan my journey to work, and go miles out of my way, to take the route least likely to have random breath checks, and all that crazy stuff. And not to have to keep buying those breath strips, and kidding myself that people didn't know what I was trying to hide! I just have to focus on all those things that made sobriety so good. But it's all clever talk, I have to get through the rest of my day in Oz, and reach for this forum instead of a bottle. I just pray for the strength. Thank you so much for answering.
                    WOW, your story sounds VERY familiar........just switch beer for wine. That was indeed an amazing stretch you did before......I always say, its easier the second time around, cuz you know what you did the first time. Sooooooooooooo, whatever that was, do eeeeet again, MMMMmmmmkay.

                    Wishing you all the strength, knowledge, and support needed to reach your goals............here's the famous....or infamous welcome star of approval

                    Attached files [img]/converted_files/1731664=6929-attachment.jpg[/img]
                    Living on Planet Sober since 05/02/11




                    DAREDEVIL COOKIE MONSTER

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Trying To Climb Back On Board

                      Greywings, you are very similar to me. I am so sick of even thinking about red wine and the thing we REALLY have in common is that it's in the house all the time right at my fingertips... and it's here to stay. Why don't we make our short term goal to get through Christmas without the poison? That is only a week and a bit (yikes.. lots to do) so want to start with that? We can do it.

                      I want to be like UnWasted and not even think about it too much at one point.

                      Let me know if you want to share the journey with me.. good luck in whatever you decide to do.
                      Tipplerette

                      I do this for my children, my grandchildren, my health, my peace of mind, and mostly for the opportunity to learn to live with my true, unfiltered, clear-headed, vulnerable self.

                      "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."
                      ? Lao-Tzu

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Trying To Climb Back On Board

                        Hi Greywings and welcome back!
                        It?s good to see that you?re still trying. I?ve had my fair share of slip ups after long stretches of sobriety also. My goal for 2012 is 365 consecutive AF days. 2011 was pretty good with over 250 AF days, but they weren?t all in a row, and like I said, I had several slips. I?ve finally decided that drinking is just TOO much work! Rotating liquor stores, checking to see that I have enough to make it through an evening, writing down all my card transactions where I?m too embarrassed to write ?Speedy Liquor? down, so I just write ?Market??.and then tallying up all the money I?ve spent at the ?Market??.jeez, it?s just so much time/effort/energy wasted on pouring poison down my throat. And that?s all just in preparation to drink?the after effects are another whole can of worms that I don?t ever want to open again. Someone else posted (I forgot who, sorry) how their bank statements would have the liquor store listed in the evening, then the next day a fast food restaurant listed?same for me?.buying the booze always led to a need for grease the next day to try to tame the hangover. It?s so tiring. I know you feel that way too, otherwise you wouldn?t be here. You?ve accomplished sobriety before, and I KNOW that you can do it again. Stick close to MWO and you?ll have so much support. Please keep us posted on how you?re doing. Again, welcome back!
                        :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

                        Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Trying To Climb Back On Board

                          Hi Greywings :welcome: back from me too. Couldn't agree more with Unwasted's post. Hope to see you around the boards conquering
                          You were born with wings, why prefer to crawl through life? Rumi

                          :lilangel:

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