15 and so not focused

[htide]

OMG I don't have a clue whether or not it's normal but I have been doing really well and last night i couldn't sleep and I was remembering things and today I'm crying and not focused and I'm scared cuz I just don't feel right and I honestly don't feel like drinking but you know cunning, baffling and powerful..holding on cuz my life still in all this is truly so much better then it was. gonna keep coming back today cuz I don't want to fall so please don't get tired of me.:upset:

[available]

15 and so not focused

oh HT i know how u r feeling. i want want want but dont dont don want. just think that you wont drink today and that is all. you are doing so well and dont want to feel ashamed and depressed and angry if you do drink which if you do you will feel. keep on here and keep posting, someone will be around for you to chat. i am at work but feeling a bit down on day 3 so needing to read and post to keep me from going to the bottleshop after work. but for today i am not going to drink.

were you remembering drinking? as there are no good things to remember about it on my part. well i have blackouts now so i cant remember and they are scary.

Think about how happy your liver is and brain and how you feel much better in general (well somedays we dont).

keep trying HT im with you
xx

[htide]

15 and so not focused

rembering the past lost moments or so I thought all lost

Thank-You so much for being here and hearing me...Yes I do want to drink cuz that is what I know for sure and don't know anything for sure when I do..how pathetic am I?

[FreeFly]

15 and so not focused

Hi htide. You're not pathetic. When we stop numbing ourselves out the feelings begin to come up. Once expressed though they're no longer waiting to haunt you. Try and be your own best friend right now and be kind to yourself. It will get better and you'll feel more "normal". Don't drink hun, it really won't help. Big hug :l

[available]

15 and so not focused

no you are not pathetic, you are a wonderful person that wants to change your life and that is why you are here. Just remember you will not drink today and keep saying it. You will feel more pathetic if you do drink and throw in ashamed, embarrassed and want to hide away. you so dont want to feel like that in the morning.

Hey FF how are you going?

[FreeFly]

15 and so not focused

Hi AV,
Yeah doing good thanks - just in the wide awake club! Sleep all over the place at the moment but I know that will change. Off to listen to a hypno How about you?

[available]

15 and so not focused

day 3 and struggling but getting there. sleep shit, aching all over, feel like crap but hey not drinking so not in that hungover fog. craving like crazy today so will be posting a lot but it will pass. so hot in aus and hey that justifies a nice cold wine. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
PMS is not helping either lol.
I refuse to post on here that i failed and day 1 again. Just like you! how many days now?

[Shiner]

15 and so not focused

Hi Htide....

I think all those feelings are somewhat normal... I have certainly had some rough patches... But they make us stronger.... Good Luck.... You will do great...

Shiner

[red67]

15 and so not focused

Hey all, i just wanted to give you some support and strength to get thru this. I will be 10 months tomorrow and when i look back i am amazed i did it. I drank everyday for 10 years and had tried everything (halfheartedly) to quit. I had a very humiliating experience while drinking last march and decided i just could not do it anymore. In the early days i just kept remembering how that experience made me feel and i knew if i drank i would be right back there. I had to relearn how to live again, how to feel again and it was terrifying. I also did Smart Recovery and came here everyday for reinforcement. You ladies can do this. Your confidence will come over time, trust me. Once you make it thru each situation without drinking you will feel stronger and stronger. You will still find challenges down the road. Yesterday i had strong triggers because the Packers were in the playoffs and last year i drank thru every game throughout the Superbowl win. It was such a strong feeling to drink, my mind was trying to make me think how much fun it would to be buzzed and watching the game. It was all lies. I use follow thru thinking to get thru the cravings. I play the scene all the way thru to the end and realize i would end up a drunk stupid mess and end up back in a bottle, slave to the demon. My biggest fear that i use now is that i never want to end up back at day one. As each day, week, month passes it does get easier. You learn from practice how to ride the cravings and they become less and in general weaker.

Just trust me and keep racking up the time. What have you got to lose if you dont drink? What do you have to gain by drinking?

You are doing great. I know you all can do this!!!!

[Wally22]

15 and so not focused

Congratulations on staying AF. I can speak from experience, that it does get easier. This will pass. Try just sleeping a lot in the beginning. Your body can heal and you don't have to deal with the thoughts.
That works for me. Put yourself on children's hours and go to bed at eight. That used ot be my witching hour. Then as you feel better you can stay up later and later, just like the grownups.

[Clockwatcher]

15 and so not focused

Red67, the football hypnosis for me is absolute, I could not go out and watch the games this weekend as I am unable to go and just eat wings and nachos and not wash them down with pitchers of beer, of course when the game ends I usually stay to close the place because I don't want the good times to end,,,spent the weekend reminding myself of why I was not pounding beers----actually enjoyed watching games alone but sober although I had to watch out for ice cream headaches....shockingly i remembered the games this morning and passed on my post game ritual of being deathly hungover and vomiting.....I have 16 days of not drinking myself to illness and feeling like maybe it will stick this time,,,at least for one more day because that's all I am asking for, praying for....good luck everyone.

[available]

15 and so not focused

morning jane, day 4 and feeling good today. hope everyone is going great. slept like a like, went to bed way too early and dreamt some amazing dreams but finally had a good one. makes you feel so much better sleep.
have a great day x

[Chillgirl]

15 and so not focused

you guys are all inspiring! :goodjob:

Htide - I hope you are doing better today and I just wanted to add that there are loads of emotions that come out when we quit that we hid for years. We dealt with them by drinking and for the 1st time we are having to deal with them sober which can be a very scary experience. Please remember that AF you will experience both the highs and lows in life more intensely. We are back in the land of the living and need to be kind to ourselves while we adjust.

[jenniech]

15 and so not focused

2012

went first 4 days AF starting 1/1. 1/5 big drunk....fell down stairs, hurt back. Now I am on day 12 AF ....and TWO weekends AF....Is that possible? I have NEVER done that before and I am CRAVING CRAVING CRAVING.......today is the worst ever....but NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
will go right home, make my favorite selter with splash of cranapple juice and rejoice in my will power and the anticipation of a good night sleep.

I WILL NOT stop at wine store....not worth it, right?

[available]

15 and so not focused

no jen it is not worth it. i had bad cravings yesterday, cld have committed murder for a wine but went home and did not go out. if i had stopped at the shop i would have succumbed to a bottle, sad really but i didnt and drank lots of water and sweated in the heat that we are having.