Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Out of Lurkdom

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    Out of Lurkdom

    Hi,

    So where to start..I am new to this board (posted once on the meds thread, but that does not really count but not new to alcohol. Have been drinking almost every night for the past 2 years, poison of choice is wine, about 1 1/2 bottles a night! I had enough, so went to my doc for advice and meds. He was not very helpful on either and just gave me naltrexon, which made me feel awful (I only took it for 4 days). however he did refer me to a great councling service who I have seen twice.

    I have read a lot of posts here and I can relate to a lot, esp the waking up in the morning, feeling awful, promising not to drink, get to 12pm, feeling better, still promise not to drink, get to 5pm, feeling much better and stop at the bottle shop on the way home to pick up wine. Only to start it all again the next day.

    One thing with me, is that my dependance is not YET physical, it is physcological, I dont get cravings, but I want to drink, cause I like the taste and the way it makes me feel. Previous to these 2 years of drinking, I was AF free for 7years. I stopped drinking when I found out I was pregnant with my second child and by the time she was born, I had no thoughts to drink, hence the 7 years. Previous to that, I drank for 3 years, almost every day, with 2 years AF before that when pregnant with my first child and a year after her birth.

    So after a lot of soul searching and thinking, I have come to the conclusion that if I can't drink (like when I was pregnant), I just dont drink. There is no internal drink/no drink argument in my head if I cannot drink, so the thought of drinking goes away. After speaking to my counceller, I are going to try antabuse, cause I can't drink on it, so I won't drink! I am too scared to drink on it. however my councellor did say that we need to continue therepy as we need to get to the bottom on this cycle of drinking, stopping drinking, starting drinking, stopping..My councellor is going to find a dr who will prescribe antabuse (my Dr won't prescribe it)

    So here I am today, with proberbly no antabuse in sight for another two weeks. I am trying to make have a couple of AF days this week and next ..made a whole 2 this week

    I am in this alone, I have not told my husband that I am seeking treatment, as he will see me as weak and just tell me to toughen up (which he has said to me before). My counceller is not too happy that I have not told my hubbie or anyone else. Maybe I will tell him when I get the antabuse....I told my councellor about MWO and she suggested I make contact, cause that way I am not alone (I am taking her advise)

    So how am I feeling today...guilty for drinking last night, trying not to think about drinking tonight (there is AL in the house....bad bad bad) I NEED that antabuse, I NEED the reason to not drink.

    My friends, family, co-workers and everyone else would be shocked that I am an alcoholic, I have a good job, a successfull career, great kids, good family life. Maybe I am just good at hiding it. I hate (that is a strong word I know..) those that can have a couple of drinks every so often, everyone I speak to seems to be able to do that. Why can't I ???

    Enough Rambling from me for today. Looking foward to being AF forever

    I wont be able to post everyday (cannot post @work), but will come here as often as I can

    Jo

    #2
    Out of Lurkdom

    Hi Jo. I am new here too. I want to do this for my kids. I wish I had some Antabuse I could send u over the Internet. I don't tell my dh either. He is a very strong willed type and just does not get it. I apologize for my typing I am on the dumb iPad....

    Comment


      #3
      Out of Lurkdom

      Hello Moms! Welcome to this amazing site. You will find the greatest people here. I'm struggling myself. I've gone from drinking everyday before I got pregnant with my oldest to drinking one day a week. Why bother? Well I just can't give it up yet. I have 3 kids under 5 and am at home. Hubbie works 48 hour shifts so I find myself drinking the first night he works. Never the 2nd night and when he's home, barely at all. I hate AL and what it does to me. I've lost a great deal of weight and have found my tolerance is null. It only makes sense to stop completely. I am on my way. So sorry to ramble. No one really knows my struggle and I avoid going out with friends because I don't want to deal with the questions.
      Living life to the fullest.

      Comment


        #4
        Out of Lurkdom

        Hello Mumoftwo, Mommy and MtnMomma!

        Looks like a good place for me to jump in and say hello. I am also a mother of two -- a 6 year old and a 9 year old. 135 days ago with the help of this site I quit drinking for myself and for my kids. The difference from then to now is quite remarkable. Just getting them ready for school in the morning although still not a breeze, is so much more pleasant without a hangover! And now I LOVE reading them their bedtime stories. It?s no longer a chore but something I truly enjoy. I can actually follow the storyline and get through more than a few pages without wanting to go to sleep or go to the kitchen for a refill!

        Anyway I just wanted to say welcome and to let you know that it really is possible to quit. If I did it, anyone can!!! Since my early 20?s I drank lots (and lots) of wine and/or vodka daily. I?m now in my late 40?s. The only time I didn?t drink was while pregnant.

        Jo, I can?t offer any advice about antabuse or other medications as I haven?t used them, but like you, while pregnant when I ?couldn?t? drink, I didn?t and it wasn?t hard.

        WickedMom
        AF since 9/20/2011

        Comment


          #5
          Out of Lurkdom

          Just wanted to stop by and say hi. I'm new, too. Today is day one for me. Nice to meet others who are new. I have kids, but they are now 33, 29, 25, 17 and 14. I'm just tired of being tired from drinking.
          Goal 1: One day: DONE
          Goal 2: One week: DONE
          Goal 3: One month
          Goal 4: We'll see
          :new:

          Comment


            #6
            Out of Lurkdom

            to all the moms hello. i have grown up kids too pronto and i am tired of it all too. to the young mums u r on the right track. I got to the stage with my ex husband now as he was a drunk that if i cld not beat him join him. i was 3o. my drinking never got that bad that i cld not look after my kids but i wasnt the best mum. these sites werent around then so good luck to you all, and try and be there for your kids. they will always love you but u do miss out on so very much as u realise when u get older.
            have a great af day
            AF free 1st December 2013 - 1st December 2022 - 9 years of freedom

            Comment


              #7
              Out of Lurkdom

              Good morning to all of you!! Today is day 7 for me.... I am sitting here drinking my morning coffee, asking myself....is this real??? It sure is!!! And the best part of the morning is I am NOT beating myself up with negative feelings and thoughts towards myself because I drank myself into oblivion last night....yikes.... that sure is a novelty for me.
              So for today. I will have the courage, the strength, the determination and the love for myself to face whatever comes my way AF.... and with loving kindness, that is my wish for all of you!! We can do this!!
              :heartsnflowers:

              Goal 1: 7 days AF Done!
              Goal 2: 14 days AF Done!
              Goal 3: 21 days AF
              Goal 4: 28 days AF

              Comment


                #8
                Out of Lurkdom

                THANKS

                OMG it feels great to not be alone anymore. Thanks to all that posted. I'll keep you up to date on my progress and will post when I can... ((hugs)) to everyone. time for bed 10pm here in Perth Australia

                Comment


                  #9
                  Out of Lurkdom

                  Welcome to MWO, MumOfTwo, Mommy and Pronto...I see you all are new here. Sounds like there are a few "moms" on this thread, me included. I really could identify with WickedMom when she said that it is so much easier getting kids ready for school without a hangover. My kids are 8 and 11...and i am 53!...not a young mom any way you look at it. Got all the stuff going on.

                  That first hour of the morning, getting kids ready for school, used to be HELL! It is still not my fave part of the day, but it seems to go much smoother without a hangover. Ditto the evenings. Is it my imagination, or do the kids behave better when I am not drunk/drinking??? And not dozing while reading to them is a plus. My hubby works late hours, so the evening it is just me and the kids.

                  I started my AF journey on 24 Oct 2011. Since then I have drank/drunk 8 times, only 4 times were to excess. I am now on day 20 trying to make it to 30 again...got up to 34 previously. It is definitely worth it. Doing it for the kids was definitely a part of why I quit, but honestly I am finding out it really is more for myself. And when I take good care of myself, I can better care of my family.

                  Glad you finally feel "not alone" in this, Mum. We are all in this together. :l
                  BelleGirl

                  Alcohol does me no favors.

                  Pouring poison down your throat is just plain STUPID!

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Out of Lurkdom

                    I think you've picked the perfect moment to stop, with a bit of willpower you should be able to make it.

                    I'm not gonna ramble on but one thing to really think about is SLEEP....when you've been off that stuff, you *really* notice a difference when you get up...it's really, really cool, K9Lover described it as "waking up rather than coming to" and it's the perfect summation.

                    Proper sleep really does make life feel so much better.
                    [I]Quit drinking nightly at home (8 yrs) at the end of Feb. One night out 8/4/2014...I am ALLOWING myself to drink when on a night out, just cos I want it that way.[/]

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Out of Lurkdom

                      Hi!
                      I just wanted to welcome everyone, it's so good to have you here! The support and encouragement on this site is amazing.

                      MumofTwo - I have been on Antabuse for a really long time, so if you have any questions, please feel free to ask me. I hope you get some soon. It really is a good tool to use, it takes away the inner-battle....you just know you CAN'T drink.

                      Please keep posting so we can get to know you better!

                      K9
                      :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

                      Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Out of Lurkdom

                        Hi All,

                        I made it last night. Which is good with dh gone and just having in-laws visiting for a week...I saw these two days as my free time. I cant really drink when mil is here, and having her here is so stressful, that her departure is always a risk factor for me. Combine that with dh being gone. Whew. Dangerous combo. But it was so nice this am to remember my entire conversation with dh last night. Also, my college age son called me at 11:30 and I was able to chat with him for an hour. And he sounded good. I know this is crazy and hypocritical but I worry about my kids and alcohol. I should clean up my own act first....eh? Well, here I am working on it. Hope you all have a good day!

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Out of Lurkdom

                          Hi Jo - Hope that your night is going well
                          7 years is fantastic - that AF time is a great asset to you - you know the pleasure and benefit that comes from being AF - you should put as much of your focus as you can into that. It can be a hinderance at times though when you feel 'why can i not do that now?' Try not to let that feeling get you down - that can ultimately put you under too much pressure to succeed and set you up for failure.

                          For me getting and staying sober is about honesty with myself. Do you know what caused the change after the 7 years? Was there any life changing events, back to work, meeting new people?
                          Sometimes alcohol just wants to push its way back into your life and will use ANY excuse - even that you are doing ok and that you don't really have a problem - just one won't hurt...

                          I hope you find MYO a support, post as often as you need and helps good luck xx
                          To see a world in a grain of sand
                          And a heaven in a wildflower.
                          Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
                          And eternity in an hour.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Out of Lurkdom

                            Mommy - Glad to see you crap you can't confide in your hubby - you can be all the more proud of YOURSELF when you beat this.

                            Mtn Mommy - 3 kids under 5 and at home - That is ALOT of work - It would drive the most sober of poeple to the drink Well done for getting to one day a week, You should have it as a 'Treat' day instead of an alcohol day? (I know easier said than done...) Not getting out with the little ones can get monotonous, you sound a little down as you say you avoid going out? Socialising helps me greatly (as we are all sociable souls) would a toddler group or something be an idea? You are right - you are on your way, good luck.

                            Wicked - Nearly 5 months is great - You can tell from your post your really enjoying the benefits, Long may it last

                            Pronto, Available and Better life and Belle Girl - Glad you found here - It's is grest to be not so young a mum, your children get so much from your wisdom form being here a bit longer and having a bit more life experience Enjoy them and enjoy the journey getting sober and finding you
                            To see a world in a grain of sand
                            And a heaven in a wildflower.
                            Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
                            And eternity in an hour.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Out of Lurkdom

                              Hi all. Well, dh came home last night and we did sat down and had a glass of wine. I only had one. He had two. Usually I would have snuck some drinks earlier and then brushed teeth, chewed gum, etc. He works with chemicals and claims to have no sense of smell. So, I think I would get away, most of the time. So, not great, but definitely a step in the right direction. I wish I could really be more open with him. It just drags up so much stuff. I do feel good today and am so glad I found this place.

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X