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**Struggles 106** · February 3, 2012, 07:23 PM

back again and very unsure

Hey Summer

Sounds pretty familiar! We've all done all that stuff too. It is hard to stop, but maybe one way to start is to realize that it WILL get worse. Sounds like you've seen the progression and you know it will.
And with 3 children? Not trying to be mean but they deserve a sober mother. My parents were drunks and I know how I felt. Rest assured that though you might think at any given time that you are not really DRUNK---but your behavior is affected in many ways.
Ways that you don't even see until you stop.
When you feel it in your heart and mind you can quit. Life is so much better, and I would bet that the ramifications of your drinking are more vast than you can see.
I wish you well and feel hopeful, and I hope you do. I would venture to say that you deserve a good sober life, and your kids deserve their mom.

**Nelz** · February 3, 2012, 07:55 PM

back again and very unsure

Summer09;1255436 wrote: Hi all, again......

I come from a big family of drinkers and drinking has been a part of my life since early high school, I am early thirties now and my drinking has gotten progressively worse. I would say I'm a functioning alcoholic but teetering..... I think this website is fantastic and I have done the program (topamax, counselling....) I did manage to cut down but that's about it.

I take full responsibility for my drinking, I choose it every day. I have a fantastic life, great husband with good job, 3 beautiful kids and lovely extended family. I have no excuse or sob story to tell about why I drink....... I just love the stupid crap!!! I wish I didn't....... I wake most nights around 4am with guilt and anxiety.... I worry about my health, and decide that I will not drink as much or at all today but alas come around 11am I find my way to the cupboard..... I only have 1 at this time of day as most days I have school pick up, but after 3pm glass after glass....

So many parts of me want to stop, for my health, being a positive part of this beautiful family i've been blessed with, my weight, to be free from the guilt and anxiety and be able to see a movie or go to a bbq without having 10 drinks under my belt and more hidden in my handbag... but like I said I love it...... I'm scared of what my life will be like without it.

Does anyone else feel this way? How do you let go of something that is such a huge part of your life? I know I need to, and I hope my post hasn't come across as alcohol being positive.... I know it's poison and if I picture the myself I want to be, how I would like my life to look it certainly wouldn't be me hiding drinks in water bottles just to get through watching a kids soccer match!! I'm just unsure of how to get from where I am to where I need to be......

Thanks for listening to my rant......
Summer

I think the answer is..........a...whole....lot..........BETTER. You even listed a few reasons why you need to quit.

I was in the same boat as you, as Im sure many others on here were.....I can assure you, I never EVER thought that I would be able to quit. Im not going to sugar coat it, and make it sound simple, cuz, its not.

Its a struggle, and in the beginning, minute by minute, day by day, week by week...but it does get easier. I know that sounds cliche, but its true.

Distraction or "surfing the urge" is key when you first try to quit. When the urge hits, do something to ditract the thought I used seltzer water as a replacement.....so far so good

Wishing you all the knowledge, strength, and support needed to meet your goals!!

**Dave_** · February 3, 2012, 09:58 PM

back again and very unsure

Hi Summer,

I was like you. I could not imagine a life with AL. I wondered what the hell I was going to fill my spare time with. I enjoyed drinking and as I progressed I started to see the damage. It took me a long time to admit that the damage I was causing was real and needed attention.
At the end I was drinking 24/7 and that level of poison in your system really starts to do some damage.

Start with 30 days, get through that with no AL and see how you go from there. I can see the point you are at and as yet the damage is still hidden to an extent. The path you are on though will take you to darker and darker places. When that 11am glass becomes a 10 am glass, then a 9am glass things will unravel very quickly from there.

You may be like me and need to push it to its final and ugly conclusion or you may be able to nip it in the bud and stop now. I urge you to stop now if you can, the alternatives are far from fun.

**NoraC** · February 3, 2012, 10:08 PM

back again and very unsure

Hi Summer - I am making a commitment to be Alcohol Free for February. I am struggling but I'm AF. I'm spending a lot of time here and a lot of time reading. And, to be honest - allowing myself to go to bed early if that will keep me from drinking.
Please join us on the February Free thread. Lots of people with lots of great support. Here is the link..... February Free
Hope to see you there!!!

**Lavande** · February 3, 2012, 10:44 PM

back again and very unsure

Hi Summer,

Welcome back

Living without the fear, guilt & anxiety is worth a try, isn't it?
I had the same fears when I first came here but honestly wanted to stop for a variety of reasons.

Make a plan & a goal of 30 AF days. I guarantee you will not be sorry

Drop in the Newbies Nest thread & let us know how you are doing.

Wishing you the best!
Lav

**Unwasted** · February 4, 2012, 07:52 AM

back again and very unsure

Summer, I was exactly like you. I absolutely couldn't imagine my life without alcohol. I needed it for absolutely every single thing, no exceptions. For years I drank "normally" but after time a change occurred and I really needed alcohol.......

So, we've all been exactly where you're at. And, we're proof that it can be different. The irony is that even though you think you love alcohol, you don't. You need it. I highly recommend a book called Kick the Drink by Jason Vale. It is not a cure, but can really help you get away from this romanticized feeling that you love alcohol.........

You could join the Newbie's nest, make a plan, get 30 days and go from there. That's what many people do. You can start out with small goals.

You deserve this for your children, your husband, and yourself. If you can get enough time under your belt, you will begin to understand how unnatural alcohol is to your body. And rather than making your life better, it is actually taking away your real self which is not meant to need a drug in order to cope with life. After time, your happiness will come back, and it will be genuine.........not the fake lie that alcohol tells you is right.

Best to you. :lilheart:

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