Irie's Journey to 30 days...

[mylife]

Irie's Journey to 30 days...

Hello All!

I am so happy to be through another AF weekend. I have to say for me Antabuse has been like a get out of jail free card. I used to walk past the wine aisle and tell myself "no, no, no" and avoid it etc. Now I just stare it down knowing I cannot drink anything no matter what. It is so liberating! I have done so many things this weekend I wouldn't have done in the past - worked out Fri, Sat and Sun, got some things done in the yard and enjoyed a few movies that I checked out. In the past worrying about not drinking or drinking (whichever I did) seemed to consume all my time and energy. Now it's just a non-issue for the first time in forever. I'm truly grateful.

SL - you have been doing great with all that you've been going through. You have achieved some long periods of AF time in the past few months and I know if you set your mind to it you can remain AF forever. The tricky part is the mind thing.

Irie - you are doing fantastic! I'm following along in your footsteps!
Anne, Life, Herbie, Today, Mum, UW and all others who come along - this has been such an great and positive thread due to all your posts! Thanks so much for the inspiration and advice here!

Have a wonderful AF evening - enjoying the academy awards or whatever!

[scottish lass]

Irie's Journey to 30 days...

Thanks for the support - a tad embarrassed to be posting Day 1 again for the third time this month, it is not easy. I do not know why I do it, each time i enjoy it less - and really do not like any part of drinking - it is the thought (or as others have posted the imagined romance, which does not exist!)
I am so looking forward to getting past this! I need to remian accountable, and therefore must admit the slips, but hope that you will not get tired of me, and I will try not to past day 1 too many more times! I am seriously hoping for an AF March - a spring cleaning and a new beginning????
Thanks all!:l:l

[Ishybit]

Irie's Journey to 30 days...

Hello everyone,
SL I think you should look at how well you have done and How much better you will continue to do. You now know you can do this AF life. Try not to get "stuck" on day one again, it minimizes what you've accomplished. At least that's how my brain sees it. Keep on keepin on.
Good night all.

[sunshinedaisies]

Irie's Journey to 30 days...

Good Morning everyone - sorry I haven't been here - I do pop in and read though! I actaully wanted a drink on saturday - heaven forbid! A situation that I hadn't planned for - a trigger I hadn't thought about ahead of time. but I weathered it and was fine. But I need to look ahead and watch out for triggers that I hadn't thought about. Oh and hubs came to bed last night (he works shifts and comes to bed in the middle of the night) and he had been drinking. I am amazed that he has lasted this long and have no idea if it will be a one time deal or if he is drinking drinking again! I will have to wait and see.

Ishy I am so pleased that you came and posted after you had a drink - that was such a good thing to do. No judging here trust me !! Good for you coming back and getting back on the bandwagon!!

Herbie - awesome on your yoga practice - my yoga and meditation were the things that went under for me when I was drinking. I need to start them both again - I would never let myself meditate when I had been drinking and always felt so wonderful when I meditated. have you started it again yet?

Mylife, Irie, Mum, Ann, UW, lifechange - you are all doing so well - way to go!

Today - day 3 is really good - and I so agree with you about work days being easier! i used to look forward to days off so i could drink - now it is easier when I work - LOL

SL - HOW could we ever get tired of you??? :H I love that you are keeping trying. Have you managed to identify your trigger? How do you feel when you drink? Is it pleasurable or is it just so-so now you have been AF? Can you think ahead, BEFORE you take that first one? I agree with Ishy - don't get 'stuck' on day 1 - it does minimize what you have done!

I need to get my food ready for work - very early shift today. keep on keeping on everyone - lots of hugs here - I think you (we) are all awesome !!

Hugs, sun X

[Irie]

Irie's Journey to 30 days...

Day 22!

SL, something about the way you asked us not to get tired of your slip ups really struck me. Let's make this the one place in the world we can be 100% honest about how we are doing and how we are feeling. In a way, I think it's important that we be really selfish in that we post whatever we need to for ourselves and not worry too much what others think about it.

When you say you like drinking less every time you do it, that's exactly where I was getting, and that was finally (I hope) the key to quitting. I could look ahead a few hours and see that I would not even enjoy the drinking binge, and then of course would regret it. It finally lost its lure for me.

MyLife, I love how well you are doing on Antabuse. I really have toyed with taking it myself. I'm intrigued with the idea of turning off the chatter. Surprisingly, when I mentioned it to my husband he had a very negative reaction. Enough that I'll hold off for now anyway. If I had to guess, I think the reason is that he associates Antabuse with alcoholics. Hello!

Well, busy week at work for me. I'm kind of glad to have the distraction of being busy. I'm looking forward to all of us getting a little closer to our goals this week. Let's stay strong and just push any thoughts of drinking to the curb!

[BlondeAFAmbition]

Irie's Journey to 30 days...

Hi All, I know I haven't been a regular on this thread but just wanted to pop in and say well done everyone! Keep up the great work Irie! 22 days is fantastic! You are almost at your 30 day goal! I am waking up to day 6 this morning and looking forward to a full week mark tomorrow...then on to 2 weeks and then a month AF.

Scottish, I can totally relate to the slips pertaining to not really even liking anything to do with AL except the notion of the romance of it. Boy am I guilty of that in the past. It even struck me over the weekend of having just the thought of perhaps "ONLY" drinking on Sat. nights for the rest of my life and then that is IT. Oh, except for holidays, birthdays and of course, every day ending in "Y"! I know where my thought was leading me so I resisted the urge cause I thought if I'm going to give in this easily, I will be trapped in this vicious cycle forever and ever. I also reminded myself that if I did give in and drink on Sat night, I would wake up Sunday with a hangover after a shitty sleep, and I sure didn't want that either. So that's what got me through. I guess we just need to retrain our brains that it could be just as romantic sipping gingerale or sparkling water mixed with juice to spruce it up in a while glass and enjoy the real moment sober vs taking that one drink that will lead us down the rabbit hole that we don't want to go down. Good luck my friends!

[mylife]

Irie's Journey to 30 days...

Irie;1269723 wrote: MyLife, I love how well you are doing on Antabuse. I really have toyed with taking it myself. I'm intrigued with the idea of turning off the chatter. Surprisingly, when I mentioned it to my husband he had a very negative reaction. Enough that I'll hold off for now anyway. If I had to guess, I think the reason is that he associates Antabuse with alcoholics. Hello!

Hi Irie - funny thing is I almost didn't take Antabuse b/c I ordered it online and my husband got the package in the mail. It really bothered him and we actually had a big argument about it! He said he doesn't like me taking "pills" especially from "India" but I think the real reason is that he doesn't want to admit that I'm an alcoholic. It's hard for me to admit and I think it's really hard for him as well. But there it is. It's just a fact and hopefully one that we can deal with going forward in our lives.

SL - just keep doing what you're doing. You have got in a long time sober and Irie is right - you need to feel safe coming here and letting us know what's going on. :l

Blonde - I have been there too! "Oh just Saturdays" and "Oh just Fridays and Saturdays". .. which eventually becomes "Thursday through Sunday" and soon enough is MONDAY through SUNDAY! LOL. :H I was still at the point I could moderate for awhile - but eventually I was waking up more and more feeling like Crap! I just don't want that life anymore.

Have a great day all!

[scottish lass]

Irie's Journey to 30 days...

Hi all - lots of good thoughts here.
I read somewhere that it was harder to get going after every slip, somehow it seems easier to me - at some point I think I need to slip to kill the thought/idea/whatever, or I would just keep thinking it.
Friday it hit 76 degrees, I had a busy day, stopped way too late at grocery store - CANNOT GO NEAR STORE AT WITCHING HOUR!!!! and white wine sitting outside in the sun sounded like bliss - and the first glass was really good, I had "promised" the voice that I would just have one, but the whole blinking bottle went down the hatch (of course you all say :H). The voice told me to get 2 bottles whilst I was at it (they were nice ones and had 50% off - can't resist a bargain!!), so had one for Saturday too - dang it! All I got was bad nights sleep (I am not sleeping well AF either, but it is a different not sleeping), and four mossie bites, and frustration at myself.
However, everytime I drink, I like it less and less - so maybe as is said I am killing the dragon one stab at a time. I do think I am closer than ever, and much more resolved about it.
I am looking forward to March and using the month as a goal, this is a safe place and I do feel comfortable here - thanks to each one of you. I have posted before (and at the risk of repeating), I feel very selfish (so thanks for the permission Irie:l) - I do look forward to the day where I can pay it back!
Day 2 in the bank or day 23/29 (february) or day 89/95 (from my first real try at breaking away) - gosh, I could almost be at 100! - Ishy, you are so right - I am almost at 100!!! unstuck from Day one and looking at the success!
Happy Monday all.....Thanks a bunch!:thanks:

[scottish lass]

Irie's Journey to 30 days...

PS Irie - I am also reading about peoples success with antabuse, but just not quite ready to go there yet, it is nice to have in my back pocket though..

[MumOfTwo]

Irie's Journey to 30 days...

Morning/Evening Ladies,

Mylife - I am so grateful for Antabuse, is has changed my life. 3 weeks ago I would never believe I would be here, so happy and feeling so great.

Irie and SL - I just told my DH that I was taking it (after I got it ), I think he was just glad that I was doing something to resolve the issue, rather than me drinking every night. There is such is such a stigmatism attached to the 'alcoholic' label. People envisage alcoholics as shabby, unkept, drinking 24/7, no job, no hope (ok, I am generalising a bit here...), however I recon 90% of the time, they are further from the truth. Were you to meet me, 40ish, good job, great home life, good home, you would not believe my dark drinking secrets!! Antabuse stops to internal chatter and for me that has been the life saver and exactly what I needed.

SL - I like the 23/29 Feb and the 89/95, those are amazing achivements, you should be proud and dont play them done. (I was on 0/365 for a few years LOL)

Blonde/ML - I also tried the only on Sat, then only on Sun etc. I was convincing myself this on the Mon morning, that the comming week would only be sat/sun. Yeah right! Monday night saw me in the bottle shop....the cycle never ended


Today - Hope your cravings are subsiding and that you are doing well.

Sun,Ishy,UW,LC, Herbie, Anne (hope I didn't miss anyone)..hope you are all doing well. Thinking of everyone :l

[Herbie]

Irie's Journey to 30 days...

Hello all

Just calling it a day... I have been busy in the office all day and then I was working on my resume the rest of the evening. I hired a professional resume writer to pull it all together.. I don't know exactly if I will need it but I needed to get this together in the event I need to get out there again... I did not do my yoga today.. will do first thing in the morning, it makes me feel so much better and my crazy dog is right there to help me out... try doing an up dog with your dog licking your face!!!

Called my mother in law tonight to check in and as usually we ended the call with her crying.. she always cries...and really I don't say anything to her to make her cry,,, she just does, cause we are here and she is there...

Did I tell you all I went to a Dermatologist last week and he took a biopsy of this thing on the top of my head and he thinks it is basal cell cancer... ugh... and this dry patch on my forehead.. precancer... ugh... the sins of my youth ... no sun screen (never heard of it back then) and so many sunburns.. I should know the results in another week. If it is cancer I hope they won't shave the top of my head to get at it..

Hope you all are having a good evening... thinking of you all... this is a great thread and Irie keep it up

Nighty night
xxx

[Nelz]

Irie's Journey to 30 days...

Herbie;1270185 wrote: Hello all

Just calling it a day... I have been busy in the office all day and then I was working on my resume the rest of the evening. I hired a professional resume writer to pull it all together.. I don't know exactly if I will need it but I needed to get this together in the event I need to get out there again... I did not do my yoga today.. will do first thing in the morning, it makes me feel so much better and my crazy dog is right there to help me out... try doing an up dog with your dog licking your face!!!

Called my mother in law tonight to check in and as usually we ended the call with her crying.. she always cries...and really I don't say anything to her to make her cry,,, she just does, cause we are here and she is there...

Did I tell you all I went to a Dermatologist last week and he took a biopsy of this thing on the top of my head and he thinks it is basal cell cancer... ugh... and this dry patch on my forehead.. precancer... ugh... the sins of my youth ... no sun screen (never heard of it back then) and so many sunburns.. I should know the results in another week. If it is cancer I hope they won't shave the top of my head to get at it..

Hope you all are having a good evening... thinking of you all... this is a great thread and Irie keep it up

Nighty night
xxx

Had a little bit of that myself a few years back. Looked like a little sore on my nose, but it never ever went away. Nothin' to be too frightened of, I pass out just thinking about medical stuff, and made it through the procedure. Must be more common than I would have thought, there was a whole room of patients that day

I wasnt a fan of the sun for a while after that though.....LOL

[Unwasted]

Irie's Journey to 30 days...

Hey guys, just a quick drive by for me today sending you all support. Herbie, I've had three basal cell carcinomas - I used to fry myself in the sun before we knew better. Mine were removed and it was a walk in the park, really. They are very common and don't pose a threat of any kind from my understanding. The trick is to just get rid of them.

Irie, and everyone posting here - wishing you the best. Life is truly better without alcohol. I am looking forward to the day where I don't even think about it. Even now, (at day 106) I'm finding it kind of hard to remember what it feels like, which is a great thing!

Stay strong!

[Irie]

Irie's Journey to 30 days...

Day 23!

Scottish Lass, I'm looking forward to March, too. I can't wait for my first whole calendar month sober! Isn't funny how these external goals drive us? Well, whatever it takes. If I can get excited about starting a new month AF, so be it!

Herbie, I sympathize about your mother-in-law! Exact same story here. I swear that woman runs everything through an doom and gloom filter! I understand though. It must be really tough to be at an age when you are constantly loosing friends, health, abilities... I just hope when it's my turn I can do it a tad more gracefully! I know one thing. I won't be known as that old lady who is still drinking!

Nelz, Unwasted and other long timers who stop in and post, thanks for the support! It's so helpful to have your examples to show us the way.

[Irie]

Irie's Journey to 30 days...

There is no Day 24 this time.

I drank last night. I don't know why except that I had a rough day at work and I was tired. I really don't even want to talk about it right now. I just felt dishonest not getting on this morning and remaining accountable by posting.

I'm fine. I won't drink tonight, but I will probably take a break for a day or two from posting I just can't face it at the moment. I know this is an understanding group, and it's not that I don't want to face criticism. I just need a little time to get my thoughts straightened out. Thanks for the support that got me this far. As disappointed as I am I still appreciate the days that I did remain AF.

I hope the rest of you fare much better!