Not Sure Where To Start...

[Lou_in_VT]

or what to say?.

first time poster long time addict here. if this isn't the appropriate forum i apologize.

where to begin?.

i'm not sure if i found this forum or it found me but via the power of google and the dark ,ord here i am. i'm ,ou and i'm a raging alcoho,ic. i know that some would find the term "raging" egregious but i find abso,ute honesty to be the best policy and i hope i dont offend anyone. :new:

i've spent some time in group sessions mostly at the jm center in chatsworth and a few aa meetings at the donny long rec center in owensmouth county. i've worked some steps but i find a group setting somewhat challenging. i dont always fit in and my social disorders make others hesitant to share. once again i'm all about absolute honesty and i find it difficult to hold my tongue or repress my opinion when other addicts display ignorance or a distinct lack of common sense. in respect to our disease.

i'm here because my counselouris away on vacation and i need a place to share and contribute. self loathing and pushups will only get me so far and i'd like to find an alternate avenue so here i am.

hi.. i'm lou and i'm an alcoholic.

[ozziewrong87]

Not Sure Where To Start...

Hi Lou

I'm Brett, and for so long never could say I was an alcoholic...but :new: too, and I think the first place to start is with yourself. What do you like, what do you want to do...

For me I had to basically become a monk and actually list out my entire day on a check off list. Of course work was hard that way because it,s always changing but once I got some structure in there and had a clear direction, I didn't stray so far. I have only been sober for a month now, but that's the longest in over a decade.

Stay strong, and seriously take time for yourself sober. When you can think clear, list down what you want...

Here if you need it dude.

[Lou_in_VT]

Not Sure Where To Start...

hi brett thanx for the response. i've been browsing the forum and it feels like you need to know someone here before they're willing to respond to you so i really appreciate it. i'm no stranger to being the outsider, i actually prefer it that way as it used to provide me the space i required to facilitate my disease. that is the more i pushed people away the more room i had to drink and gamble and porn.

so to answer one of your questions. what do i like?. i like porn and gambling and alcohol. a true degenerate for sure, yes?. i've been in a multitude of programs and groups. been arrested for soliciting and dui..been threatened by loansharks and punched so hard in the stomach by a shylock that my penis bled for three days after the bruins won last year.

those days are behind me though and i'd like to thank you for providing me with the opportunity to share some of those horrific memories. shame is a powerfully motivating force and the spirit of sharing iscleansing and truth is powerful. thanks brett.

[one2many]

Not Sure Where To Start...

Hi Lou!

Welcome to MWO. YOu have posted and told us a bit about yourself so that is a great start. Keep close to the boards, keep reading and posting, ask questions and let us know how you are getting on.

Here is a link to The Toolbox which is a great place to start!

Best of luck.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

[Unwasted]

Not Sure Where To Start...

Hey guys, just wanted to say welcome:welcome: You've found a good place, and it's also great that you've already found each other. Lots of different people at different stages of addiction/recovery here. The Newbie's Nest is a good spot for daily support if you have an interest.

Different thing work for different people, so I would just suggest reading and posting here as much as you have time for.......

Sending you both peace and strength. :lilheart:

[Lou_in_VT]

Not Sure Where To Start...

one2many;1258802 wrote: Hi Lou!

Welcome to MWO. YOu have posted and told us a bit about yourself so that is a great start. Keep close to the boards, keep reading and posting, ask questions and let us know how you are getting on.

Here is a link to The Toolbox which is a great place to start!

Best of luck.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

thanks for the helpful link. i spent the better part of the week browsing the board whenever free time allowed and i think i have a feel for it now. i'm not much of a "joiner" but the flow of this board makes me feel at ease. thanx to unwasted for the welcome too.

it's been a tough week. like i said my counselour is on vacation and i'll admit that i slipped a few times. actually the last time i posted here was the last time i was AF. the next few days were pretty much a blur but i did manage to make it to work everyday. my counselour has described me as 'highly functional" so i guess that explains that.

still, my free time found me completely immersed in alcohol related activities and unfortunately when that starts my other bad habits follow. not to get too explicit but i have a tendencie to drink then shop for items that some may consider lurid and most would describe as embarrassing. the word "fleshlight" pretty accurately describes the humiliating situation that came about when i met the fed ex lady in my driveway carrying a package i didn't even remember ordering 2 nights before.

fortunately that was enough to snap me out of my 3 day binge and i sit here tonight searching the intertr0n for help and wondering when will this end.

[Unwasted]

Not Sure Where To Start...

Lou, I know counselors use the term highly functioning alcoholic, but really, what does that mean? Ok, you can get by and you're not sprawled out on the park bench, but........just sayin..........now that I have perspective I would say.....we'll I functioned, but I was absolutely miserable with a hangover most days........Life can be so much better than what we end up with when we're drinkers. Give AF a try...........you know what alcohol holds for you, why not see what being sober is all about? Can't recommend it highly enough.