I've been battling a problem with binge drinking for the last three years. Basically it always starts with a night out with my friends and then I wake up the next day and I'm still drunk and want to keep the buzz going so I'll start drinking or I'm really, really hungover and I start drinking because I am hungover, I feel agitated and I get extreme anxiety about the withdrawal that I am going through. Even if the withdrawal isn't that bad I become self conscious about it and worry that I'm going to experience bad withdrawal and that my only way to get through it is to have a drink. I worry about my hands shaking (they never do), I can't sit still and basically all I feel like doing is walking around. Sometimes I just spend the time pacing around not being able to concentrate. I can't really concentrate on tv or anything, it's awful. My hands feel clammy as well. I'm thinking that maybe it is all mental, and I feel really anxious. I put my hands out in front of me and they are steady.
I then tend to go on a binge which can last for a week to three weeks. The last time I had a binge I ended up in detox for a week which I entered on December 7. So therefore, December 7 was the last time I had a drink. I haven't had one craving since I stopped drinking, nor have I felt like drinking at all. I haven't had any problems and I feel like if I wanted to that I could go for the rest of my life without drinking. What does worry me is the isolation I feel by not having the ability to drink. I feel isolated from my friends and isolated from the rest of the world for some reason. Simply, when I walk by a bar or see people drinking, it's not alcohol, the buzz, the taste, I don't have a craving. It's the socializing that comes with drinking that I miss. I am my own boss, I am 30 and single and don't really have too much way of meeting girls or anything like that. I am busy with work all the time so hobbies are tough. The catch 22 is when I go out to bars I find it really easy to meet girls and this is something I miss.
I'm taking Naltrexone and this probably helps. I know that I have a problem with alcohol, but I do miss not having the option of drinking at the moment. I would like the ability to drink socially. I do also realise that because of my condition that I have to be more careful but the idea that I can't drink ever again and that I'm not going to be normal ever again is really worrying to me. In short, because alcohol is so prevalent in society, I just feel completely cut off.
When I wake up the next day after drinking the previous night, I can not drink if I choose to, it's just the anxiety and withdrawal I go through that makes things unbearable. It feels like I'm watching the clock tick until the alcohol leaves my system. Then the alcohol leaves my system and I feel fine.
I went to the movies today and part of the story showed two people going about their days after a big night out. I know it's just a movie, and it's obviously not real life but I was watching it and thinking that if I was either of these people there's no way I could be doing what they're doing. Even things like going to public places like the supermarket are too much for me when I'm hungover, I can't handle it. I get big anxiety that my hands are going to shake etc. The thing is they never do, I don't know why I feel like this.
One thing that has helped me is diazepam / valium. I went to see my GP last year and he gave me a script for Diazepam to help me get through the withdrawal after I had partied really hard one weekend and I had a big day of work ahead. I found that if I took one or two 5mg tabs of diazepam in the morning I would be fine for the day and I could get on with everything just fine. No anxiety, no withdrawal symptoms, everything fine. This makes me think that my withdrawals are mainly mental rather than physical. As a result of taking the diazepam, I would then not go on a drinking binge, I'd feel fine on Monday and I'd have a good week. I also probably only drink one in three weekends and I would say half the time a night out leads to drinking for a few days at a time.
So what I'm wondering is if getting diazepam from a doctor might be the answer or if there are any other options? My regular GP won't prescribe it to me anymore. I'm just wondering if it would be dangerous to do this? The thing is that I don't even want to touch alcohol during the week. I have too much going on and it interferes with other things I want to achieve.
I'm sorry if I'm rambling but I just wanted to get things off my chest and wonder if other people have had similar problems to me?
Anyone know what I should do? (Bearing in mind that there probably is no answer and the easiest is just to stop drinking altogether).
I just want to say that I've never been arrested while drinking, I've never been in a fight or anything like that. I've been successful in my life - I have a good career, I earn good money, I'm an Ivy League Graduate where I was a varsity athlete, the only problem I have is the withdrawals that lead to binging. If anyone has any ideas (hypnotherapy, I don't know), it would be greatly appreciated.
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