Solace?

[crazyforwine]

Hi All,

I am having a tough time; I hate to post after trying and failing so many times, but I'm not sure where to turn.

I have cut back from 2+ bottles of wine per night, pretty much a round the clock situation, so never drunk but never sober...now I'm down to 3 glasses. I need to just stop but am having a hard time making it Day One. I feel so much anxiety, so I take that first drink. Smart! Drink to relieve the symptoms caused by the drink! (:

Is it normal to feel so anxious with waves of sweatiness at this level of drinking? I have cut back so much I would think some of this would have disappated. I feel like such a loser and a weakling. The anxiety is just crippling! some of it is real anxiety caused by difficulties with work, but I think the root cause is AL because I feel much less able to cope than I should. Grrr. I did take some benzos for awhile, ostensibly to help me get sober, but those get addictive too (at least for me, maybe not for someone else).

Any suggestions or thoughts about making it happen? I am sick of feeling miserable but it also feels AL is my only solace. I guess I need solace. I work from home so am alone most of the time. Hubby works late and kids are teenagers, so busy with their own lives. It's just me, a stressful job...though I do run most days, not far, but half an hour. I think my only redeeming feature at this point, other than taking decent care of my kids.

I would love to be in touch with you all, either through PM's or on this thread and others. If anyone wants to go through this with me, I'll do my best to support you!

CW

[mama bear]

Solace?

I have heard this is normal, but others will be along soon.....

[K9Lover]

Solace?

Hi CFW -
I used to think drinking was my solace too..until it became my biggest nightmare. No amount of anxiety that I've experienced since becoming sober could even compare to the anxiety I experienced drinking. Have you completely stopped taking the benzos? I take Xanax from time to time if I feel anxious, which is rarely these days. Do you think it would be possible to quit drinking for maybe 3 days and see how your anxiety level is then? It does get better, believe me. I know it seems so hard at first, and it is, but it's not impossible. I know you've cut way back, but I think any amount of alcohol can cause extreme anxiety. I know I drank mostly out of boredom. You said you are alone a lot, could that be your reason too? Just throwing ideas out there to get you to maybe look at this from all angles. When I first quit (many quits ago), I would take a long hot bath with epsom salt, it's so relaxing and helps restore minerals to your body that alcohol depletes. My main challenge was figuring out what to do with myself in the evenings, but now I am okay just doing nothing if that's what I feel like. Please keep us posted on your progress ok?
K9

[crazyforwine]

Solace?

Thanks, Mama and K9. Yes, boredom is a HUGE trigger. Huge. It's really sad to be bored when life (in theory!) has so many interesting things. I am hoping to rediscover those things going forward and to stop feeling anxious or completely flat.

And yes, I can manage 3 days. I have done it before and remember the lift in mood and energy and disposition. As they say, the more quits you try, the harder it gets. This is the hardest yet!

Did anyone see The Biggest Loser last night? Very sad in a way with people ganging up on one of the contestants, but the theme was "take control." Indeed.

I took all the benzos and have no more scripts. Probably for the best, because I took some one night, with a few left, and in the morning the bottle was empty. I did not remember taking them and searched everywhere! Pretty scary, I can see how people lose their lives if they aren't very careful. Which isn't to say at all that they aren't beneficial, they can be very helpful. I just tend to overdo everything at this stage of the game.

Anyway, I am rambling. Thanks for the input!

CW

[poppykin111]

Solace?

Hi CFW, your thread really touched me. I was also a wine drinker and managed to reach 2 bottles of wine some days. I can honestly say it was slowly killing every part of my life. Sadly my best friend died of lung cancer back in November and one of the last things she said to me was to quit smoking. So when she passed I decided to quit both. I know if I have a glass of wine, I will have a fag and then some!! It won't be a glass of wine, it will be a bottle. Today is day 25 without a drink and 6 weeks without a fag. I am using patches and they are great! I wish I could explain how much better I feel since I have stopped drinking. I am happier and I have lots of energy. My face is no longer puffy and I am starting to loose weight. I feel like i am no longer fooling myself and I am facing and dealing with each problem as it pops up. I do keep myself busy, decorating the poor house at the moment and trust me it so needs it. There are moments when I just sit and cry, especially for my friend but I feel so much better afterwards. My only regret is that I waited so long to quit. My life is so much happier and enjoyable since I quit and I am going to ensure I keep it that way. I am not sure if this helps but keep trying and remember there are great people on here who would love to support you. Stay strong

[crazyforwine]

Solace?

Poppykin,

That is wonderful, 25 days! And cigarettes, too! I know those are so hard to quit. I am so thankful I never got started, otherwise I'd be a chimney!

I appreciate your support and I'm so sorry about your friend. They say out of great tragedy comes great things. You are very strong to be getting through this!

So on the plus side, I am not drinking during the day or night, am not taking any pills except a little ambien for sleep, am running a bit. I hope the anxiety stops soon, I know I need to bite the bullet and get some AF time.

CW

[Lavande]

Solace?

CFW,
I had the same exact anxiety about taking that final leap - but I did it anyway!
I didn't even know what I was so anxious about, I was just anxious.

I used the MWO Hypno CDs to help me learn to relax & just breathe a bit. They really helped me out a lot, I used them for a long time. Eventually I moved on to other forms of meditation. Why don't you give the CDs a try. Use them as instructed, they will help you too.

BTW - it turned out I had absolutely nothing to be anxious about. Giving up those last couple of glasses of wine was a lot easier than I thought. You on;y have much to gain

Wishing you the best!
Lav

[bouchard01]

Solace?

I hear you. Day 2 here. Feeling anxious but I'm not going to cave this time. I'm focusing on this day. I wish us both well.

[crazyforwine]

Solace?

Lavande,

I had the MWO hypno tapes when they first came out (I think). I think meditation (lord, I typed 'Medication" at first) would be very good. I need to still my mind, it's hard to concentrate and/or relax and be quiet inside.

Thank you for the help and for sharing about your anxiety. I think it's an epidemic but AL sure makes it worse!

CW

[K9Lover]

Solace?

CFW -
I listen to Guided Muscle Relaxation or Anxiety Relief CD's every single night (not from MWO). I don't even really care what they are saying, it's the soothing voice that knocks me out within minutes! It's so wonderful to be in this warm little cocoon being gently "talked" to sleep. I've never slept better in my life, and don't even take any sleep aids anymore. I hate to be so excited about bed time and sleeping, but hey, it's a victory I think most of us alcoholics are striving for since sleep is very elusive for most of us! You may want to give some CD's a try...I borrowed mine from the library!
K9

[crazyforwine]

Solace?

Bouchard, good for you! hang tough, that's great. Your determination is inspiring to me.

K9, I just found my CD player, so I will order those tapes. I remember very well how good it felt to get in bed after a few days AF. Such deep and restful sleep as opposed to the fitful, sweaty, weird dream filled sleep most of us get while drinking. It's not good to dread turning the lights out.

Just read The Interventionist. Holy cow. The author,,Joanie Gammill, has really transformed herself after going through years of very scary stuff. A very good read. Saw her on Dr. Phil-quite amazing.

CW

[K9Lover]

Solace?

I have "The Interventionist" at home, I rented it from the library the other day...I will read it next after I finish the novel I'm reading. I have to alternate between "real-life" books and fluffy novels, otherwise my brain explodes. LOL

[piper123]

Solace?

Chopra Center’s 21 Day Meditation Challenge

Lav recommended this site for free meditations and starting feb 20th they have a 21 day meditation challenge. I think you can still register and access the meditations for 5 days or a week after they are posted. After the challenge you have to buy them I think.

[jenniech]

Solace?

This is a great thread. I am (i mean was a big wine drinker. A bottle of night and then on weekends just went crazy....so drunk I had no memory of the nights before.....talk about a total WASTE of time, money and CALORIES not to mention the excruciating hangovers every weekend. Don't get me wrong, I am only on day 4.....Saturday night was the last time i had wine. I have been going to AA.....as a secular humanist, having trouble with the powerless/god thing because I like to think that I have the power to stop. But I go just to keep my mind on my goal of not drinking.

A few tricks work for me. If you like to exercise, I HIGHLY recommend yoga. It is a workout and meditation all in one. YOu really get in touch with every inch of your body and it is so relaxing and gets rid of that awful anxiety .... Or I pick up a book on alcohol and read until the anxiety goes away (I have been reading a lot this week). If it doesn't, then I pop a couple of advils and some melatonin and just go to sleep. I am also a big bath taker with epsom salt.

I too have family illnesses, an incredibly stressful job and boredom but I think the alcohol is getting me bored. When I drink, I can't really do anything but watch TV (which I forget what happens half the time) and then when hungover, I don't feel like doing anything with no energy and lethargy. So, I think I am bored because I drink....I don't know yet. Still trying to figure it all out.

One last suggestion for crazyforwine: can you try to do your work someplace else besides your house? Your local library or a starbucks? Changing locations and routines helps me. I am no expert because I have quit many many times.....but this time I am a bit more serious about it. formulating my plan as i go.....good luck everyone!!

[piper123]

Solace?

Chopra Center’s 21 Day Meditation Challenge

Lav recommended this site for free meditations and starting feb 20th they have a 21 day meditation challenge. I think you can still register and access the meditations for 5 days or a week after they are posted. After the challenge you have to buy them I think.

fwiw I am struggling too...I didn't start the challenge on the 20th...hopefully I will start this weekend. My children (I have triplets) turn 21 on the 27th and I know the only really meaningful gift to them would be me to never drink again.I went from giving them 30 days to their birthday, to three weeks, to a week and I blew that. I am not a heavy drinker, but it causes me great anxiety and I isolate myself and they feel responsible for me. I know they wish for me to be more social and maybe meet someone so I am not so lonely. I am divorced and it's a long story. but the loneliness probably my biggest trigger. I am trying though. I go to the gym and take classes, I am using meetup groups and have a social tomorrow night and Friday night with people my age. and I have a couple friends who are meeting me there so I'm not by myself. I'm going to dread it tomorrow, but I did one by myself and it wasn't so bad. Not drinking at those is not a problem. I easily order ginger ale. It's the social, awkward silence I experience that sends me running to the quiet warm bedroom (I use a space heater) of my big quiet cold house. My drinking is only in solitude in an empty house to numb the loneliness from my children leaving. Part of the problem is at least one comes home each weekend only to leave again. The weekends no one comes home it's a drinking free or all....If I could move to a smaller place I would and I am working towards that too. It's just too expense right now.