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**Nelz** · February 22, 2012, 09:24 PM

Fighting for my life

Welcome aboard Mands!

You have come to the right place for some support and advice. There are a lot of people that have been able to quit drinking. We all have used different ways, the trick is to find whatever technique(s) will help you.

A strong desire to quit is a start in the right direction, and going 7 days is just fantastic!! What that proves, is that you do have the willpower/desire to make a change. A very positive change, that will yield very positive changes in your life.

I always suggest to set some small goals....1,7,14,30 days. Once you see yourself hitting goals, only good things happen, and you keep trying because you are seeing success. You will be surprised how fast the days add up. Its the hardest at first, but it will get easier, I promise you.

Ask questions, and keep comming back, there will be no shortage support!

Wishing you all the knowledge, support, and strength needed to reach your goals :welcome:

**bouchard01** · February 22, 2012, 10:10 PM

Fighting for my life

Welcome.

**Mands** · February 22, 2012, 10:48 PM

Fighting for my life

Thanks for the welcome

I know sadly that I am only one of many to have this battle.

Its odd, if you handed me a bottle of poison and told me that sometimes it might taste good, but generally I would feel crappy - and that it would kill me.

I would not drink it!

But anyway at the moment, I must not overthink

Just get through detoxing properly and not undo it all on a bender

one day at a time :dragon1:

**choice** · February 23, 2012, 01:25 AM

Fighting for my life

:welcome: Mands! I really think you are doing great work!! Your post sounds very similar to the thoughts I was having during the early days. I think writing down how I was dealing and processing letting go of alcohol really helped me a lot. I just posted and read a ton on this sight and it has kept me sober. The beginning is such a mind game but it looks like you have a good head on your shoulders!
Best of luck, it gets better and better. Your mind will clear up and be able to think about a lot of stuff along the path. Best of all you'll feel free.

**K9Lover** · February 23, 2012, 11:21 AM

Fighting for my life

Hi Mands,
Welcome! We're glad to have you here. I think you did an awesome job by talking to your doctor. I have been on Antabuse a LONG time. Yes, I've had my share of slips, but overall, Antabuse has been the key to my sobriety. It takes the inner-debate off the table. Once you've taken the pill, you simply cannot drink. The cravings and mental aspect are a whole different ballgame though. My advise is to stay really busy the first few days. They say it takes 21 days to break a habit. So if you can change your routine for a few weeks, you'll soon notice that being alcohol free becomes much easier. I never would have thought that I'd be living life without alcohol. I wondered what the hell I would do all night. But now I can't even imagine downing a 12 pack of beer every night like I used to.
Please stick around and let us know how you're doing, and if you have any questions about the Antabuse, feel free to ask!
K9

**Mands** · February 23, 2012, 04:54 PM

Fighting for my life

Thanks for the offer of asking questions K9 lover, thats really great

Last nights sleep was really disturbed, although still better than most mornings after a night of drinking.

I am trying to figure out why antabuse is recommended for the morning, is it because you are more likely to be disciplined and take it?

Or is there a biological reason?

I think I will swap to night - just in case I get the most common side effect - sleepiness

I would dearly love some interrupted sleep where my brain is actually quiet.

It was funny last night not having to close my eyes to stop the room from "shifting" and being able to hear every little noise in the house.

I have to remind myself that the sleep while under the influence was not "real" sleep and I need to learn how to sleep properly again.

Oh and I had an interesting moment where my husband and I were talking about upcoming holidays.

I will need to come off the antabuse because I will not be near any medical care should things go wrong. Not my drinking but accidental exposure.

At the end of the holiday - 2 weeks we probably figured I would be right to drink again.

I discussed being able to drink on the plane trip home.

I heard myself say "that would be a nice reward".

Then I stopped and wonder why would it be? Sure the first two glasses would be sweet, and then I would have at least another 5 or 6 at home leaving me wiped out the next morning.

So why would that be a reward?

Anyway I am still battling that voice, but its nice that its fighting over something thats 5 weeks away.

Gives me plenty of time to find another far more healthy "treat" and hopefully get excited about that instead!

Anyway Day 2 all - yeah!:wow:

**aprilmoon** · February 24, 2012, 04:47 AM

Fighting for my life

I have tried to quit over and over and over for years. It took me having a health scare to totally quit. My poison is Rum. I totally get the part that it is poison. I hope that you will see that this poison is killing you.

I hope all your medical test come back good. If you need any advice, let me know. I'm not perfect. I've done 2 years AF before and gone back to drinking. I "think" this time is different, but I am just one drink away from starting this stupid cycle all over again. It's a day to day choice not to drink for me.

**Mands** · February 24, 2012, 04:28 PM

Fighting for my life

Thanks for the comment aprilmoon

I have decided to do the tests after the weekend - I should be brave enough by then!

This is Day 3 and I am up a good deal earlier than I would have been not long ago.

Sleep was still disturbed even with taking antabuse at night, but I will push through it.

Is going to be a hot day - just shy of 100 farenheit - so I better dash to get all the morning stuff done b4 the day heats up

Mands

**Willow23** · February 24, 2012, 04:35 PM

Fighting for my life

Mands, I totally identify with the,"If you handed me poison" thing. I've often though the same - would I drink bleach to get a buzz? Hell no! So why this?

Just at the end of Day 3 - in bed now so onto Day 4 tomorrow ......

**jessie** · February 24, 2012, 04:58 PM

Fighting for my life

Hi Mands,
Let us know what the results of the medical tests were. I hope they'll not be bad news. Luckily our livers do have a capacity to regenerate - unless it's in too bad a shape.
Al is a sly one. My drinking is much, much better now but I still haven't managed the final switch in my mind. After weeks AF I had a binge recently, and believe it or not, a friend brought along some wine last night and I not only had a couple glasses, I actually asked him for the last glass. How stupefyingly, painfully embarrassing is that. But at least that reminded me firmly - one is too many and a thousand is not enough.
Please keep us updated, and I'll be holding thumbs for the tests.

**caper564** · February 24, 2012, 05:19 PM

Fighting for my life

Hi Mands, wow where the heck do you live that its 100f??? your obviously not in canada? LOL
well back to the issue at hand. I too am taking antabuse and it saved my life but i must tell you it is not a medication, it has no medicinal qualities at all. therefore it will not help you sleep or keep you awake. you should look into taking ativan or something similar to help with sleep. my first time taking antabuse sleep was my issue as well. and i did as you are talking about. i stopped taking it after 4 weeks and at the 6 week mark i convinced myself i could drink in moderation. well 7 months later and not a sober day. bad really bad.

well this time i have the help from ativan 1mg and it has worked amazingly . i look forward to bedtime. i take 1/2 a pill each night and it knocks me out. no side affects.. ask your dr about it. or something similar. loss of sleep is the worst and may drive you back to drinking... keep up on your antabuse and don't drink while taking it.. trust me.. nothing good will happen.

caper

**Struggles 106** · February 24, 2012, 05:49 PM

Fighting for my life

Hey Mands
Welcome! Sounds like you are doing a good job. The weirdness of craving a poison is why people without addictions say the inevitable;"Can't you just stop?" Thry just don't get it, and we don't either. But at least we get it enough to struggle with it and TRY

**Mands** · February 25, 2012, 06:20 PM

Fighting for my life

Caper564 I live in Australia - although its unusual to be as hot as it is right now this time of year

It actully got to 102!

and normally I would have drunk all day to "stay cool" :blush:

Anyway its Day 4 : going for the tests tommorow hopefully and results about 4 days later

But I am not obsessing about it - its actually a good day today!

Sleep was disturbed again, but less so - and its so hot thats probably not helping.

The dreams are doozies though and kinda fun and the "fog" is lifting from my brain so everything seems so loud, bright and in your face.

Im off for a picnic - somewhere cooler

I have found the frozen Homemade elderflower cordial (not brewed) - yummo!

Have a great day all

**gyco** · February 25, 2012, 07:10 PM

Fighting for my life

wow i havent been here much did anyone ever tell you your special? i just did , as you grow and understand your alchoholism you will have a greater understanding i do wish you well by the way you made my night

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