Is modding madness?

[Mands]

I suspect that I am working through an issue that others have tackled.

So I thought I would ask about peoples experiences.

I have been working through why I would want to drink alcoholic drinks, and I have a couple of reasons that have stuck out:

- I like the physical effect
- I like the taste

I have been out thinking about the toxic effect of ethanol, and I believe there is a level at which the body can deal with ethanol with no real health issues.

The issue is keeping "below" that level. Infrequent drinking in low to moderate quantities.

Obviously I have failed to keep to that, since I am here.

But I do wonder if its complete abstinence for me?

It sound like an excuse but I am a real "foodie" and that extends to wine.

I enjoy creating fruit wines and seeing the difference between batches. And I am talking from scratch here including picking the fruit.

Anyway to cut a long story short has anyone found that moderation works for them?

I feel a little dumb going over this ground, but abstenance seems to create its own sort of stresses for a lot of people.

And to not explore my thoughts means I am just heading for problems, as I can't see myself abstaining if I don't look at this option.

So is it all or nothing with AL?

[madmans]

Is modding madness?

To answer your question "is it madness" I would have to say a big yes on that one .
For me modding is just a stage we all go through to we come to a point where we say no more.
we might not call it modding as such but its the stage where all try to control our intake and fail and the circle continues until we realise its not working.
It took me a long time to get to this point.

[one2many]

Is modding madness?

Simply put....Moderation does not exist, not possible, cannot be be done successfully. FACT.
Moderation can be practiced with EASE for a NORMAL drinker, it CANNOT be with a problem drinker.

People who moderate have a constant battle on their hands, trying not to go overboard, drinking 2 glasses and desperately wishing they could have more, more often that not they do go overboard and go beyond their limit. It is a losing battle. Like handing a starving person a tiny, tasty morsel of food and expecting that to satisfy their appetite.

Moderation does NOT work, it is a hard, arduous battle and one that can never be won. Booze will always have a hold over you and when you think about it, by trying to moderate you still hold drink in high esteem as something wonderful, a reward, something to look forward to. It means you CANNOT give it up , or you refuse to, it means that you are still under it's spell, still trapped and still seeing it as something good instead of the nasty poison it is. Trying to pretend you are in control and like other "normal drinkers" is a farce, a dream. One drink is NEVER enough.

My 2 cents.

[Almostfamous]

Is modding madness?

It is "madness" in my case. I go months of being alcohol free only to cave in to my brain thinking I could just enjoy one or two at a special occasion. Guess where I end up? Right back here! The moderating is a temporary road to guilt, and shame for me. I'll take the uncomfortable cravings this time rather than the uncomfortable road to guilt.

[Nursie]

Is modding madness?

Pure Madness. Insanity. We failed to moderate even when we were drinking so we sure as hell can't moderate now.
I know nobody that does it successfully.
I don't even see any updates from Roberta Jewell on if she is still moderating. (author of My Way Out).
There are some threads on this that you could also read and glean some insight from others experience.
Only you can decide but I know I never drank harder than when I tried to moderate. It took me twice as long to quit again. I was in pure hell.

[Unwasted]

Is modding madness?

Mands,

I am a fan of Jason Vale's book Kick the Drink. In it he talks about how alcohol is a drug and whenever we drink we are by definition trying to control it. I think once you've gotten to a problem level of drinking that it's not possible to go back to moderating.

But, then, I'm not a good one to ask because I now see alcohol as ethanol - a poisonous substance that your body was not meant to have in it. And, once you're addicted, it's very hard to control it and the struggle intensifies over the years. Most people here have tried to mod and then gone on to try being AF because they found modding impossible.

Since you're here and know you have a problem, do yourself the biggest favor ever and stop drinking. It just gets harder, and being sober is a far better life than struggling to control alcohol, which is misery. I wouldn't go back even if I could "moderate."

Best to you.

[Mands]

Is modding madness?

Thanks for the feedback peeps, I really appreciate it.

And there's lot to digest.

[FlyAway]

Is modding madness?

Would you be asking this question if your liver function tests had been abnormal? Have you stopped taking Antabuse? I know you have a vacation coming up and it feels like the voice in your head is starting to win the battle. Go back and read your first posts about why you came here in the first place.

[Pinecone]

Is modding madness?

Yes, it is all or nothing. At least for me. I learned it the hard way, experientially.

To me, moderating is something that people without an alcohol problem can do. I was never take it or leave it. I found out that moderating was just me tricking myself into thinking that I was doing something about the problem. We can be very clever when we are convincing ourselves that certain situations "need" alcohol involved.

Moderating for me was just another rabbit hole. It was my drinking problem's revenge for me admitting that the problem was there. When I was "moderating" I was always thinking about the second and third drink when I was on my first, feeling deprived. Then every once in a while, I would "reward" myself for "moderating" by blowing a whole weekend on binging. Then the guilt would reappear and I would have to get back to "moderating." Yuck, I need a shower now because that feels so gross to admit, but that is why I came to this forum in the first place...

[BlondeAFAmbition]

Is modding madness?

Mands, listen to all of these wise folks. What they are saying is true and it is from hardcore life experiences! I will add to this, yes, it is madness. I know, I have been down that road before and I too, like you, love the taste of wine and I love drinking on vacation until it gets me back further into the ugly rabbit hole of alcoholism where you do not find peace at the bottom of a whole but an ugly rat with sharp teeth waiting to bite you in the ass. Do not go down that poisionous hole...you will never get out of the viscious trap called "modding". Stay here and stay safe. You have come so far!

[Mands]

Is modding madness?

Flyaway thanks for you comment in particular

I'm still taking antabuse, and not craving.

But I will need to stop at sometime soon 2-3 weeks, so I am having to tackle this issue a little earlier than I would have liked.

I have thought a lot since my first posts, and still don't know how to express my views very well.

All of my efforts have been focused on bringing excessive drinking to a screaming halt, I have never even figured what to "do" from here.

[SKendall]

Is modding madness?

I agree with all the replies. Read the Tool Box and for me making a sober plan and restructuring my days was crucial.

Many have tried this experiment and failed, it takes so much mental energy AF is easier in my humble opinion.

[lolab]

Is modding madness?

Hi Mands - I think it's the rare person that decides that they are done - makes up their mind and doesn't look back. It's pretty normal to ask the questions that you are asking. The important thing is that you ARE asking. Keep looking around the site. Read read and read about people who have tried "modding". About people who didn't consciously "mod" but who might have let their guard down and had "one glass of wine at a shower" that slowly escalated into 5 more months of drinking....and ended up with a box of wine hidden under the bed and a vodka bottle hidden in the closet.....before they (I) figured out that they (I) couldn't drink responsibly.

You had a plan of antabuse and that part of your plan now needs a backup - with your vacation. All of my efforts have been focused on bringing excessive drinking to a screaming halt, I have never even figured what to "do" from here. Awesome! You're getting it - all of the questions you're asking and all the reading and all the thinking that your'e doing are worthwhile. Go back to the toolbox - figure out very specifically what you will do on that plane trip home....and if you really want to drink after your vacation. If you truly want to stop and weren't just waiting to get those ok blood test results, then get to work on that plan! :l

[red67]

Is modding madness?

Mands, why do you have to stop the antabuse 2-3 weeks from now? If it is to drink for any occasion at all please reconsider. It is funny how our minds try to romanticize drinking when we truly know how destructive it has been to us. Please dont give these thoughts any power over your rational thinking. When i get these thoughts i play the whole situation thru from beginning to end. Yes the first drink may feel good but the next drinks, the behavior, the guilt and the hangovers are not worth the first drink no matter how good we think it may feel. Do you honestly ever want to feel or go thru any of those again? What does alcohol truly do for us? If we have abused it in the past do you think its wise to ever go back even for a controlled amount? How much control could we ever have over something that obviously controlled us to the point of looking for help to get away from it?

I really feel that modding is not a possibly for us because once you have crossed the line you can never go back. You cant unbreak what is broken. But i dont look at that as deprivation or anything bad. I consider myself free from a very sad and deprived life. Alcohol deprived me of happiness and freedom. We are in no way deprived of anything because we dont have it, we are free from its grip, the stranglehold it had on us. No limitations anymore, only freedom.

[K9Lover]

Is modding madness?

I know I can't moderate. One beer will lead to 12 or more. It's a battle for me that I choose not to fight anymore. Thanks to Antabuse the option is off the table. If I (or any of us) could stop at 1 or 2 drinks and think no more of it, we probably wouldn't be here.